Gemstones Episode 2.5: Yep, Kelvin is gay. But there's embezzlement and murder, too. and some accountant cocks

 

Title: "Interlude II."  Episode 2.5 is a flashback to Christmas 1993, shortly after Baby Billy abandoned his wife, son, and cat at a shopping mall in Charlotte.  Since two of the season's big questions are "Did Eli kill Glendon Marsh?" and "Is Junior trying to kill to get revenge?" I expect that we'll get some Eli-Glendon back story.

Knives or nunchuks? As the family is photographed at the Gemstone Christmas tree, Judy torments 4-year old Kelvin.  Jesse says that he's going to give him a weapon for Christmas, so he can defend himself: "Knives, or nunchuks."  Eli forbids him from giving his brother weapons.  Jesse complains that the kid going to grow up to be "a pussy": someone who doesn't like to do things and is afraid of everything.  Sounds sort of like a gay stereotype.

You have to think of the optics: Eli is planning to move the Salvation Center to a giant coliseum.  The church board complains that he can't afford it: he's already spent church money on a private zoo and amusement park.  Hey, that's embezzlement!  They also advise that "the rich pastor is not a good look."  But Eli won't listen: "I cannot imagine a more ridiculous comment.  Big means success. People want to see something bigger than life." Well, this is during the tail-end of the Reagan-Bush "wealth is virtue" era.

"But we're spending more than we have!" accountant Terry (Mike Ostroski) complains. Gulp: Eli fires him!

Left: Mike Ostroski shows his stuff in Slugs (2004)

Get that boy some mousse: Baby Billy shows up unexpectedly, having abandoned his wife Gloria and son (he claims that they abandoned him, but Aimee-Leigh calls her and discovers the truth).  

We see a close-up of Billy's butt as he drinks a glass of water. Kelvin: "Dang, Baby Billy is thirsty."  He's referring to the water, of course, but viewers will be drawn to the phrase "thirst trap."  Does Kelvin think that his uncle is hot?  Remember that in Season 1, the adult Kelvin and Judy comment on the attractiveness of their grown-up nephew Gideon.  

Baby Billy tells Kelvin that his estranged wife said:  "You have the most boring haircut in the world.  Get that boy some mousse."  Kelvin is upset (concerned with his appearance, a gay stereotype). Remember that the adult Kelvin uses mousse to create that upward wave.

Later, Kelvin demonstrates that he can play the harpsichord blindfolded (um..big deal?  Nobody looks down at the keys while playing).  Baby Billy calls him a prodigy and hugs and kisses him, obviously looking for a brainy replacement for his special-needs son.  The siblings scoff.  This musical talent is never referenced again.

The Return of Glendon Marsh:  As Eli walks through the office, everyone smiles and says "Good morning, Dr. Gemstone."  Everybody.  It looks creepy rather than friendly. "Be nice, or he'll turn you into a toad." 

His new accountant, Martin, starts off on the wrong foot by sitting in his chair!  

 Glendon Marsh, Eli's boss when he was wrestling and breaking thumbs back in Memphis, shows up unexpectedly and asks him to take care of $3,000,000 that he doesn't want the government to know about, and he can keep $1,000,000 for his trouble.  Hey, that's money laundering!  But Eli has already been embezzling, so what's the difference?  Aimee-Leigh and Martin disapprove, and Eli finally refuses. 

The Sleepover:  Baby Billy and Kelvin are playing hide-and-seek or something on bunk beds, while Jesse lies in a sleeping bag.   The top bunk is fenced in, so you don't accidentally fall out.  This must be Kelvin's room. 

Judy enters with her own sleeping bag, angry that she wasn't invited to the sleepover.  Jesse explains that it was impromptu: nothing going on in his room, so he came in here, looking for action.  "What'd you find?" Judy asks. "Uncle Tickles molesting Kelvin? Flopping that little dong?" This is the first of three pedophilia references this season, and another of  the incessant digs about Kelvin's penis. 

Baby Billy tells her to "hush that kind of talk.  Ain't nobody playing dong pong in here."  But suddenly Kelvin doesn't want his uncle to sleep with them. Wait -- I thought they had a special bond.  Is it because of the pedophilia accusation?  Or is he self-conscious because Judy dissed his penis?

Muscle and Fitness: Holy sh*t, there's a cover of  Muscle and Fitness magazine taped to the wall!  It's only visible for a second before Judy turns off the light, but holy sh*t. "Mama, please buy me that magazine.  I know I can't read yet -- I want to look at the hot guys."

If it is meant to signify Kelvin's interest in muscle, why just a man on the cover?  I worked for Muscle and Fitness back in the day, and the cover always featured a man and a woman together or a celebrity bodybuilder like Lou Ferrigno.  The set dresser  chose  this one deliberately to signify that Kelvin likes men  (or had it made up. That cover did not appear on any issue from 1990 to 1995).

More after the break

12 nude dudes from the Isle of Man. Plus bondage, boggarts, fun runs, and a gay god

 

The Isle of Man, between Ireland and Britain, is  named after Manawyddan, the God of the Sea and one of the queer icons of my childhood.  But Manx word for man is mannin, so there could be some connection to the masculine, too.

12 Max men and their cronnys:

1. The Manx word for penis is cronny, but it sounds silly to non-Celtic ears, so I'm going to use the Welsh word, calar

Like several other Celtic languages, Manx became extinct as a result of English dominance (and discrimination: it was stereotyped as a barbaric, "garbage" tongue).  But it's currently enjoying a revival.   There are prizes for the best Manx essay, schools offer elementary instruction in Manx, and 3-6% of the population uses it for everyday conversations.

2. A Manx speaker.

3. A rather thin Manx twink, but I'm including him because of his tree trunk.

The Isle of Man is known for its archaeological sites: the biggest neolithic tomb in the British Isles, early Christian monasteries, the Viking-era Peel Castle.

And for its paranormal activity: trolls, goblins, boggarts, banshees, and tusk-men roam the downs.  There are mysterious disappearances, time-jumps, alien abductions, haunted castles, and lots of neopagans finding meaning in the paranormal energy.

More after the break

Iain Armitage: Young Sheldon grows up, hugs guys, celebrates Pride. With nude Galecki, Fisher, and Simon Rex

 

I didn't like The Big Bang Theory (2007-19), featuring Johnny Galecki as the (relatively) stable center of a group of wacky nerd scientists who can't get any  "big bangs."  The hetero-horniness was incessant, and there were so many homophobic statements -- mostly asserting that all gay men wear dresses and prance --  that I was more amazed than offended  Wasn't Jim Parsons, who played the neurotic physics savant Sheldon Cooper, gay?  Why didn't he protest?  (Apparently he was closeted until around the fifth season.) 

But I liked Young Sheldon (2017-24), about Sheldon Cooper's childhood, growing up in East Texas in the 1990s with a conservative Baptist Mom, a macho football-coach Dad, a macho muscle-building brother, and...you get the idea.

I grew up in the Nazarene Church, which taught that Baptists were much too liberal.  I could relate. 

Plus there were lots of cute guys.  Sheldon's older brother Georgie (Montana Jordan) had musclebuilding plotlines before they switched to a "getting a girl pregnant" story arc.

Dad, Lance Barber, was a chub with a bulge.

Next door neighbor Billy (Wyatt McClure) was too young to be hot, of course, but he had that puppy-dog cuteness that makes you say "Aww, how adorable!"  I figured that he would eventually come out, but instead the writers decided to give him a crush on Sheldon's sister

And how about Rex Linn as Tom Peters, the longsuffering principal at Sheldon's high school. Wait, this is Simon Rex.

There were no gay characters -- with or without Jim Parsons as executive producer, this was still a "family friendly" (non gay) show.  But also no casual homophobia.  Just a few references suggesting homophobia, as when someone asks if Sheldon is...you know, and Dad angrily yells "NO!"

And in Season 5, Sheldon tells his roommate Evan (Motoki Maxten) that he doesn't want to date girls because they are a distraction. 

"So you're into guys?" Evan asks nonchalantly.

"No, they're a distraction, too."

Actually, he turns out to be asexual hetero-romantic, although this is never specified on The Big Bang Theory.

But I'm pretty sure that Iain Armitage (Young Sheldon) is gay.

More after the break

The Chair Company, Episode 1.6: More queer codes at Seth's 18th birthday party. Plus Seth's selfie, a queer puppeteer, Ebenezer Scrooge, and Brock cock

The Chair Company (2025), on MAX, stars Tim Robinson as corporate schlub Ron, whose chair collapses during an important presentation.  Looking for the company that sold the defective piece of office furniture, he finds an empty warehouse, a website with an invented board of directors, and...it gets weirder and werider, with conspiracies, hidden agendas, and threats. Or is it all a paranoid delusion?

He hires Mike (Joseph Tudisco) to help with the intel gathering.  Eventually they become close, and Mike refuses payment: "We're family."  

His young adult daughter and her girlfriend have substantial roles, and his teenage son Seth (Will Price) displays some queer codes.  Especially in Episode 1.6, "Happy Birthday: A Friend"

Scene 1: The boss (Lou Diamond Philips, top photo) is weekending in Sedona, Arizona with his buds.  He claims that his property management company is important, but they dismiss it as "making pretty boxes."  The real life, the only thing that's important, is spending time with your friends.  No women around; are these guys all gay?

Scene 2: The photos of the fake Board of Directors on the chair company website were taken by someone named Maggie S. during an acting exercise.  Ron goes to the acting studio  and asks around.  No one remembers the exercise, and they all claim not to know a Maggie S. -- except for Headphone Guy (Brendan Jennings, left), who runs off in a panic.  Ron catches up and starts punching and hitting him, yelling, "Who is Maggie S.?"  Then he realizes that everyone is watching him assault a guy, and runs away.

Scene 3: During the chair collapse, Ron accidentally saw up his coworker's dress.  Human Resources got upset, and brought in a consultant to watch their interactions and make sure he isn't stalking or harassing her.  The Consultant is not sure.

Scene 4: The Boss brought back some photos of vibrant colors and textures from Sedona.  He wants them to redo the design of the big Shopping Mall project, to make it "inspiring" and "cool." But he doesn't give them any detailed instructions, so the design team is confused.  This is not connected to the central mystery.  This show has a lot of bit pieces that are weird for their own sake.

Later, they show the Boss their plans for "bold, earthy colors," with textures like sandstone or "a harsher contrast with nickel plating."  He doesn't like it; "dig deeper." 

Scene 5: Ron walks into the house late at night and sees a long-haired chubby guy getting himself a bowl of popcorn.  He says "Hi, Honey" and "Seth, your Dad's home!" before returning to the basement.

Mom explains that he's Richard (Tyler Bunch), working on a project with Seth. 

Tyler Bunch is a member of the Jim Henson Company, appearing as a muppet on 103 episodes of Sesame Street (1998-2024).  He also voiced several characters on 400 episodes of Pokemon (2012-22), and he sings Gilbert and Sullivan.  He is gay in real life.

Ron is not happy with his not-quite-18 year old son being friends with a guy 40 years older, plus it's late: he needs to be in bed so he can play basketball tomorrow.  Seth refuses: "Nope, this is important."

In other news, Son Seth invited Toby to his birthday party.  "He's really excited to come," They haven't seen each other for years because they go to different schools, but when he was thirteen, they performed the Pee-Wee Herman Dance, and Ron joined in: one of the happiest memories Seth has of his dysfunctional Dad. 

Dad Ron doesn't think Son Seth and Toby should be friends.  This upsets Seth.  No wonder: that's two friends you disapproved of in five minutes. Sounds like you're threatened by the thought of your son having someone special in his life.  

Scene 6: Later, in his room, Son Seth drinks while looking at a photo of his junior-high basketball team, with Dad Ron hugging him.  So Dad should be threatened?  "Hi, Honey" Richard is a Dad substitute?

Left: Potential Will selfie.  Don't worry, the actor is 25.

Later, Ron meets with "We're family" Mike.  They discuss some more clues about the bogus chair company.  In other news, would Seth like a decommissioned police car for his birthday?

"You're not invited to his party.  It's just for his friends and their parents."

"But I'd really like to come.  We're family, remember."

"No!" Why don't you want him there, buddy?  Afraid that you might let down your defenses and actually care about someone?

Scene 7: More weird stuff at work, and then the Boss wants to discuss changing the Mall plans -- tomorrow.

"But it's my son's birthday party."

"Great, I'll be there!"

Later, Ron looks at the photos he took of the guy he assaulted at the acting class.  A strange tattoo leads him to the chair company's parent website...but at that moment, someone calls to threaten him: "I'm thinking of finally doing something to you."

Gulp.  More after the break.