Ryan Pinkston: Hottest of the Short Guy Brigade, martial artist, gigolo, gay cop. With some costar dicks

 

I've never been interested in tall guys; I like them short, the shorter the better, and in the 2000s, the 5'4" Ryan Pinkston was one of the hottest of the Short Guy Brigade

Born in Silver Spring, Maryland, a suburb of Washington DC, Ryan got his start in martial arts: he received his black belt in Wushu Kung Fu at age nine and went on to championships in karate, kung fu, and tae kwan do.

An interview on the Jenny Jones talk show landed him an agent, and within a month he had roles in Spy Kids: 3D (2003) and Bad Santa (2003), and he was helping Austin Kutcher play celebrity pranks on Punked.

But there was a problem.  Although handsome, muscular -- and short -- Ryan was typecast as an aggressive wise guy, basically a jerk. So that's the sort of role he received

In 2004, the 16-year old got his own tv series, Quintuplets, about teenage quintuplets with conflicting personalities.  His Patton was pushy and aggressive; brother Parker (Jake McDorman, left) was the athlete, and Pearce (Johnny K. Lewis, below) was the nerd, who actually danced with another boy in a "prom" episode.

Left: Johnny K. Lewis today

Next came the boorish Felch in Revenge of the Nerds (2006), chronic liar Sam Leonard in Full of It (2007), and Fletcher in the homophobic College (2008), which paradoxically offered an extensive homoerotic subtext.

Ryan's guest spots on the teencoms Out of Jimmy's Head and Hannah Montana were a little better, jerks with a soft, sensitive side.

But then he hit the bottom of the barrel: teen sex comedies. Foreign Exchange (2008), Extreme Movie (2008) with Frankie Muniz, Adventures in Online Dating (2009).

At least he had no problem with shirtless, shower, and swimsuit shots, though he drew the line at nudity.  And he was ok with rolling around with other guys naked.  Teens could sigh over the homoerotic subtexts even if they didn't like his characters.
 
But then, in 2010, something remarkable happened: a complete turnaround.  Ryan's characters changed from jerks to nice guys, and coincidentally some buddy-bonding was added to the girl-crazy schtick.

Boy Band (2010): in 1982, his Greg buddy-bonds with Brad (Michael Copon) to form the first boy band in history.

Tower Prep (2010), about a school for kids with paranormal powers: his Gabe has a crush on Ian Archer (Drew Van Acker).

Cougars, Inc. (2011): his Jimmy and best friend Sam (Kyle Gallner) can't afford college tuition, so start an escort service pairing older women with teenage boys.  Hey, is that legal? Of course, they get in on the action, too.  We get a nice shot of Ryan's butt as the camera lingers on his supine body, but this only nudity in any movie.

Frontal nudity after the break

Seann WIlliam Scott: From homophobic to gay-positive roles, with three butts, two bulges, a dick, Kyle Gallner, Gavin Munn

Seann William Scott first became famous as Stifler in the American Pie franchise (1999-2012).  I 've never seen any of them (although I know what they do to the pie), but I found a list of his "most disgusting antics"on the fan wiki. 

• Accidentally drinks a guy's cum
• Gets urinated on by a guy
• Forced to kiss a guy
• Has sex with a guy and two dogs
• Digs a ring out of dog poop
• Accidentally has sex with an old lady.  

As you can see, same-sex acts top the list of disgust.

Seann took a serious -- well, at least not comedic -- dramatic turn in Final Destination, 2000, about teens who survive a plane crash, except fate didn't want them to survive.  Former teen idol Devon Sawa also starred.

Then it was back to raunchy comedy in Road Trip, 2000, about four college buds on a road trip to see boobs and retrieve an incriminating tape.

Dude, Where's My Car (2000), about...um...a stolen car, required Seann to kiss Ashton Kucher.  Both actors were interviewed about how the managed to do something so disgusting.  Plus there's homophobic jokes, gay panic jokes, and lesbian jokes, covering all the bases. 

The tv series Dukes of Hazzard was infamous for sculpted bods and enormous bulges of Bo and Luke Duke, John Schneider and Tom Wopat.  The 2005 film version, starring Seann as Bo and Johnny Knoxville as Luke, emphasized Daisy Duke's short-short.

In Role Models (2008), Scott plays an energy-drink salesman assigned to be a role model to a foul-mouthed young boy.  Homophobic jokes and gay slurs abound, but at least we get a shot of his butt.

More Stiffler after the break