Danny McBride promised an ultra-famous guest star for Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.1, the Civil War prequel, but kept him a super secret, so his appearance would be a shocking reveal. I watched the entire episode, wondering who the ultra-famous guest star was.
Turns out that it was....BRADLEY COOPER!!!!!
Who the heck is that?
It's such a generic name, it could belong to anyone.
The main Bradley Cooper has 75 acting credits on the IMDB. I've seen six:
Wet Hot American Summer (2001), watched to review. Bradley plays Ben, a gay guy at the summer camp who gets a boyfriend. His peers are horrified: "Ben is a fag!" But they give him a wedding present anyway.
Guardians of the Galaxy, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Avengers: Infinity Game, and Avengers: Endgame, where he voices the the sentient raccoon character.
Dungeons and Dragons: Honor among Thieves, where he plays a loveable rogue.
No wonder I didn't recognize him, or his name.
You can't really blame me. Who'd want to see Alias (2001-06), about a lady spy with a "you're arrogant!" bickering partner?
Or Bending All the Rules (2002), about a woman juggling two boyfriends, David Gail and Bradley? Even though he shows us his backside.
Or The A-Team (2010), a remake of a 1980s tv show that I never saw. Even though it shows us Bradley's impressive physique.
Or Wedding Crashers, He's Just Not Into You, The Hangover, or The Hangover II? They sound like nontstop heteronormative sleaze fests.
I might have gone to see Valentine's Day (2010), if I knew there was a gay plotline in the ensemble: Holden (Bradley) dumps his boyfriend, pro football player Sean (Eric Dane) because he's closeted, but after his career is over, the guy comes out, so Holden takes him back.
More after the break, including some c*ocks
The plot of Nightmare Alley (2021) sounds familiar: during the 1940s, a grifter pretending to be a psychic (Bradley) falls in love with a female psychologist determined to out him. Maybe I saw it, or part of it, and forgot.
Even though it shows a rather blurry cock -- underwater, while he is bathing with his girl. Maybe it looks more impressive on a big screen. There's a clearer d*ck pic below.
Let's check out those 12 Oscar nominations. There are five for best actor/best supporting actor
Silver Lining Playbook (2013): I figured it was a sports movie, so nope!. "After a stint in a mental institution," former teacher Pat Solitano (Bradley) moves back in with his parents, tries to reconcile with his ex-wife, and meets a girl. Ugh, that sounds even worse.
American Hustle (2014): A con man (Christian Bale) and his "seductive" partner (heterosexual male gaze talking) go to work for a "wild FBI agent" (Bradley) to take down the Mafia in New Jersey (so, Tony Soprano?).
American Sniper (2015). I figured it was about a school shooting, so nope. The sniper is actually Navy SEAL Chris Kyle (Bradley), who comes home from the war to his wife and kids and has problems. According to the IMDB, it's neoconservative military propaganda with homophobic slurs. Ugh, that sounds awful.
A Star is Born (2019). I already saw the first version, with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. This one stars Bradly and Lady Gaga, and is set in the world of Country-Western music.
Maestro (2024). A straightening of gay composer Leonard Bernstein (Bradley). He likes some same-sex action on the downlow, but real love, the kind that propells you to heights of wonder and shows you the meaning of life, is always heterosexual. Ugh, that's even worse than making him straight.
Matt Bomer (left) plays Ben Oppenheimer. Not the atomic bomb guy, Leonard's bit of fun on the side. In real life, they lived together for three years.
So, two gay and one sort-of-bisexual role, some blurry cocks and backsides.
Bradley has made the Forbes Celebrity 100 and the Times 100 Most Influential People list. His films have grossed $13 billion worldwide. He has won a BAFA and three Grammies, and been nominated for six Golden Globes and a Tony. But I still don't like him.
Nice dick, though.
See also:
Gemstones Episode 4.1: Elijah scoundrels, Winston dies, and Kelvin screams
Noah Galvin: 7 gay characters, a husband, a Pride Cake, and a lot of d*ck pics
Wet Hot American Summer: Gross Kissing,a Gay Wedding, and Time Passages
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