Kelton in his birthday suit, plus birthday waffles, a costume party, nude at the pool, and Dad's dick

Kelton Dumont, who plays Pontius on The Righteous Gemstones, turned 21 on October 28, 2024.  This is a collection of photos from some of his birthdays, in backwards chronological order.  The nude dudes are all over 18.

1. Nearing his 21st, with screen brother Gavin Munn

2. His 20th, with Dad James Dumont at  a WWE expo.

3. In case you haven't seen Kelton's butt lately.

4. 19th.  Kelton's birthday is close enough to Halloween to make costume parties feasible.

5. Not Kelton, a bud nude at the pool.

6. The big 18

More after the break

Charles Ambrose: Civil War soldier, coast guardsman, martial artist, male model. With some risque photos

 

A partial cast list of Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.1 as appeared, with Charles Ambrose as Union Soldier Stephens.  Time for a profile.

His real name is Jason Ambrose, also Jason Charles Smith, and he's from Sandwich, Illinois, 60 miles west of Chicago. He attended Waubonsee Community College, then studied comedy at the Second City in Chicago.  I wonder if his standup routine is about growing up in Sandwich.

His resume lists several local Chicago-area plays, including The Music Man, The Moon is Down, Act Your Age, The Dating Game, and Julius Caesar.  And skills including combat, archery, horseback riding, firearms, rock climbing, jiu jitsu, and motorcycles.

Plus modeling.

23 credits on the IMDB, beginning in 2008 with the short Hell Mary.

Then occasional guest spots on tv, one or two every year.  Most of these characters don't appear in the plot synopses:

Andy on Sons of Anarchy, featuring the backside of Charlie Hunnan

Zane on Henry Danger

Deputy Jimmy on Lovecraft Country

Donny in Hollywood Vampire

Lucas in NCIS: Los Angeles

Coach Watkins in The Wonder Years update, with Julian Lerner as Brad Hitman.

His most substantial role to date: 23 episodes of the soap General Hospital, playing Ambrose, henchman of the evil Victor Cassadine.  On Victor's orders, he kidnaps Liesl Obrecht, kidnaps Ace Prince-Cassadine, and almost kills Spencer Cassadine

Coming up: The Legend of Van Dorn, about a Confederate soldier played by Lee Wilson, who was "immensely attractive to women."  Never to men, of course.  He was murdered by a husband upset over his wife's canoodling.  Charles plays General Red Jackson, another real-life figure.

And Secrets and Yards, about a small town football team with secrets.

More Charles after the break. Caution: Explicit.

Gemstones Episode 1.1, Continued: Blackmail, a bisexual orgy, double-dragon Ninjas, Scott Wolfe's bulge, and Kelvin's cock. Twice

Previous:  Episode 1.1:Kelvin is in love with a Goth, Judy with an atheist, and Gideon with the Devil.  Plus some nude dudes from Chengdu.

The earlier scenes established one of the main plotlines of the season: Kelvin Gemstone is gay and an evangelical minister -- got to be some conflict there -- and interested in his former-Satanist friend Keefe.  Next we move on to introduce the other plotlines. 

El's Dead Wife:   We cut to megachurch senior pastor Eli eating dinner alone, just as lonely as Kelvin.  He stares at a painting of him and, presumably, his dead wife.  Later we discover that she is Aimee-Leigh, a famous Gospel singer who partnered with Eli in the ministry before her death in July 2018.  Trivia alert: a little over a year before Episode 1.1 aired.

The Sex-and-Drugs Party: Then on to Jesse in the master bedroom suite, brushing his teeth while his wife Amber waits in bed. Suddenly he gets a text: a video of Jesse in a hotel room, snorting cocaine with a naked lady, with a naked guy in the background. We see dicks!  So someone taped Jesse having a bisexual sex-and-drugs party! Wait -- is he bi, or were the guys at the party taking turns having sex with the hooker?

The sender wants to meet, so Jesse makes an excuse and drives to the deserted parking lot of a strip mall.  A red van appears, and a blackmailer in a Devil mask demands a million dollars by Sunday, or the video goes viral!  

Later, Jesse asks Chief Accountant Martin for the money, pretending it's for a new mission endeavor, but no dice.

Squeezing Out the Competition:  Eli is planning to open a new satellite church in Locust Grove. A fictional town, not the suburb of Atlanta.  The pastors of smaller churches in the area, especially Rev. Seasons (Dermot Mulroney, right, from a 1994 movie), fear that it will draw away their members.  Tough. Eli admits that he's intentionally trying to steal their congregations.  In-joke: his name is John Wesley Seasons, but he's a Baptist!

Judy and the Atheist: The family meets at Aimee-Leigh's shrine to discuss their disapproval of Judy's boyfriend BJ, because he is an unbeliever; he's even pro-choice on abortion!  She argues that he doesn't support abortion anymore.  How conservative are the Gemstones?  It varies from season to season, and even from episode to episode.

Plus they are living together, in spite of the church's prohibition of premarital cohabitation, so whenever someone visits, BJ has to hide. She argues that they are engaged, which is practically the same as being married.  No one mentions disapproving of Kelvin being gay; could they not know, or do they assume that he is not sexually active?

On the ride home, Kelvin becomes angry with Jesse for "constantly getting in my business, telling me what I should or shouldn't do."  Like what guys he can date? Jesse claims that he's just trying to protect Kelvin: "Dark forces are at work. Evil forces that want to destroy our family."  He means the blackmailers, but what does Kelvin think he's talking about?  An ex-Satanist that he attracted to?

We cut to Jesse's wife Amber meeting with the church ladies to defend the Gemstones' excessive wealth.

Jesse's Crew Sees the Tape:  Jesse shows Kelvin and his crew, the guys who were at the party, the tape. Kelvin ignores the boobs, but wants to know who belongs to the cock -- Chad.  He points out that his cock is bigger. Everybody's cock is bigger, dude. 

Kelvin will be obsessed with his cock size through the series. I wonder if it is scripted as small, or the same size as Adam Devine's.

So, will Kelvin to chip in half of the million dollars?  He considers it, but after Jesse calls him "a shitty brother and a shitty minister," he refuses.  

We move on to a church service -- very money-grubbing.  Eli, Kelvin, and Jesse perform, while Keefe stands in the balcony.  Apparently he is working security.  After the service, they find all of the cars in the parking lot plastered with fliers about how evil the Gemstones are.  No doubt Rev. Season is responsible!  

Suck your Satanic boyfriend:  After a confrontation with Rev. Seasons about the fliers -- he denies responsibility -- Eli and his family head to dinner in a private dining room on the second floor of Jason's Steakhouse.  Trivia alert: Really the Liberty Taproom and Grill in Mount Pleasant, a suburb of Charlesotn.

The siblings are generally sniping at each other. disapproving of BJ for being a nonbeliever and Judy for planning to move away from the compound.  They consider this a betrayal. Why do they care?   

Kelvin accuses Jesse of "betraying your family" in another way.  They stand, preparing to fight.

Kelvin: "How about you tell the family what kind of man you really are?"

Jesse: "How about you just go on and suck your Satanic boyfriend Keefe off?"  This is the first time Keefe is named on the show. 

"Suck your Satanic boyfriend" is a parallel to "what kind of man you really are," comparing two illicit sexual acts.  But what is illicit, sex with a boyfriend or sex with a Satanist?  From Jesse's statement that he has gay friends earlier, we can conclude that he means "Satanist," just as Judy is inadequate because of her non-believer boyfriend.  But Kelvin responds as if Jesse has criticized him for being gay: instead of defending Keefe, he throws a water glass.  

The Devil is a Top:  They start throwing things at each other. Jesse throws a water glass at Kelvin, but hits BJ in the nose.  Kelvin yells that they should have Jesse arrested for assault, and he responds "I hope the Devil fucks you dry!"  

Again we see parallel threats, getting arrested and getting "fucked" by the Devil, both humiliating losses of power.  It is interesting that Jesse adds "dry," that is, without lube. He assumes that Kelvin, being gay and into anal sex, would otherwise enjoy the act.  In Season 3,we learn that Kelvin is in fact a bottom, and Keefe a top.

Kelvin cock and Scott Wolfe bulge after the break

Vice Principals Episode 1.8: The guys try to take down their boss, and there's a horse and some butts

Fans suggest that I try Vice Principals (2016-2018), Danny McBride's series about two high school vice principals scheming to take down their principal so they can take her job and enjoy all that fame, power, and wealth. Really? 

 "Best show on television!" "Hilarious!" "McBride is a comedic genius!"

Other fans caution that it's homophobic, racist, and loaded-down with queerbaiting.  

Uh-oh.  I'll watch an episode, just to track the homophobia and queerbaiting.

Scene 1: Gamby (Danny McBride) and Lee (Walton Goggins) have lured Principal Brown into a night of drunken debauchery to discredit her, so they can take over her job.  They leave her passed out in the bathtub of a sleazy hotel, then burn all the evidence linking them to her deviance. 

Does it make you nervous that two white men are going up against a black woman? 

How about that she is named Brown?

How about that there are no African-American teachers at North Jackson High School in Charleston, South Carolina?  

Scene 2:  B Plot: Gamby gives his daughter a horse to make up for taking away her motorcycle. She is angry, and ignores him. 

Later he asks how she likes the horse.  She prefers the motorcycle.  Besides, aren't horses expensive to keep up?  Gamby tells her that he'll be principal soon, so money will be pouring in.  Are principals really rich?  

Scene 3: In the school cafeteria, Ganby and Lee criticize Principal Brown for eating too much. Then they review the footage they shot of drunken debauchery that will destroy her career.   If she doesn't get drunk or have wild sex on school property, what's the problem?

Left: Danny McBride's butt.

Ganby can't remember his closer,  "End of the line, Slut!"   He's too distracted by his anguish: The Girl of His Dreams, whom he was dating, is ghosting him.

Scene 4: The guys lure Principal Brown in the woods by claiming that students are sneaking out there to smoke marijuana, and start to confront her with the evidence of her "gin-soaked evening."  But she thanks them for helping her out: "I'm glad you were there...I really appreciate it."   

Ganby tries to say "End of the line, Slut," but can't; she is being too nice.  But Lee, the  more evil of the two, steps in: "We have this here video of you acting all crazy. Your career is over!  We won, bitch!"  

He brags about some of the other things they did to her, like burn down her house, causing her to attack, punching and kicking them.  If you've been waiting your whole life to see a middle-aged black lady and white man in a fist fight, your prayers have been answered.  I find it a bit uncomfortable due to the overlay of institutional racism and patriarchy.  She is a far superior fighter, if that helps.

Finally Lee gets around to the blackmail: step down as principal, or the video goes viral. Hey, isn't that a plot arc of the first season of Righteous Gemstones: give us a million dollars, or we'll post this video of your sex-and-drugs party?

Scene 5:  Lee threw Principal Brown's shoe away, so she has to walk down the rocky trail back to the school semi-barefoot.  She walks to her car in slow motion, gazes longingly at the school, and drives off. 

More butts and racism after the break