Matisyahu's Hanukkah Gift: Tony Cavalero, Alfonso McAuley, Antiochus, Santa Claus, and some bonus Jewish dicks

 

 Matisyahu ("Gift of God" in Hebrew), born Matthew Paul Miller, is  -- or was -- a Hasidic reggae artist (he has re-invented himself, and no longer identifies as Hasidic).  Tony Cavalero starred in the music video for his song "Miracle" (2011):

At Hanukkah time, Matisyahu is skating with his kids, when Tony accidentally knocks him over! While unconscious, he dreams that he is bed with King Antiochus (Tony ), the evil Greek emperor who was defeated by the Maccabees. Afterwards there was only enough oil in the lamp to light the Temple for one night, but miraculously it stayed lit for eight days: thus we celebrate Hanukkah.

In bed, Antiochus invites Matisyahu to a party: "there's going to be babes, food, chocolate stuff."  He agrees to go, but then Mattityahu (Alfonso McAuley), the priests whose refusal to sacrifice to the Greek gods started the rebellion, convinces him to rebel instead. 

Left: Alfonso McAuley

They skate through a forest of Christmas trees and rap:

You look so down, look so puzzled. 

 Huddle round your fire through all the rubble.

Bound to stumble and fall but my strength comes not from man at all

Antiochus captures them and puts them in a cage in Santa Claus suits, guarded by a Nutcracker. They escape and fight through a hockey game.  

No need to worry, no need to cry.

Light up your mind no longer be blind

Him who searches he'll find

Leave your problems behind

We will shine like a fire in the sky

What's the reason we're alive.

Finally Antiochus warms up to the idea of religious freedom, and they all hug and dance under a menorah.

More after the break

Sweethearts: Thanksgiving romcom proving that there's gay life and cocks in rural Ohio, so don't move to New York

 

Sweethearts, on MAX, is a rare Thanksgiving romcom about two best friends who are going to the same college but distance-dating their life partners: Ben is with Claire, still in high school.

Ben is played by Nico Hiraga, left, a former semi-pro skateboarder from San Francisco. He has appeared in Booksmart, Love in Taipei, Goodrich, and The Power.

His best friend Jamie, a girl (Kiernan Shipka), is with Simon (Charlie Hall, left), who is dumb as a fence post but got into Harvard on a football scholarship.  Say what? 

 The long distance relationships  aren't working out, so the two make a plan to break up with their partners when they all go home for Thanksgiving.  

Left: Simon butt

Obviously they're going to get together or it wouldn't be a romcom.  I'm fast forwarding through their scenes to get to Palmer (Caleb Hearon), the flamboyantly feminine "third friend" pictured in the animated opening. He's probably the standard romcom gay best friend who facilitates the romance, but maybe he'll get a boyfriend of his own.

Correction: I'm also interested in Ben's college roommate Tyler, played by Zach Zucker , a "Bad Bi Boy Clown" -- literally. He trained for two years at the Ecole Philippe Gaulier.  

On his Facebook page, Zach notes that "Bi Visibility Day is cool because it forces all of the people who have caused you pain by denying your existence to look at your butt and mask-covered dick pics."   Where's the mask covered dick pic, Zach?

His character is introduced smooching a girl in bed, but maybe he's bi:

He looks at Ben's fake id and comments: "I'll go out with you.  Just kidding."

Ben has his hands full, so he asks Tyler to take his cell phone from his pocket.  "Whoops, wrong phone.  Just kidding."  

He seems to be dancing with Ben in the closing party scene.

And that's just when  I paused the fast-forwarding.

Paris: "Third Friend" Parker is introduced at Minute 15, calling the duo, wearing a striped shirt and beret, sitting in front of an image of the Eiffel Tower.  He took a gap year after high school to move to Paris, and he is working at a fast-food place near Euro Disney.  Why would visitors to Euro Disney want to see fast-food workers in clichéd French costumes?  

He announces that he is no longer "vaguely pretending to be straight." Really?  Who would think you were straight after talking to you for 30 seconds? 

He'll be coming out to a select group of former classmates at a party at his house on the night before Thanksgiving.

More after the break, including a rural Ohio gay community and some dicks,  Caution: explicit.

Michael Welch: Flying starships, fighting zombies, getting baked, showing his chest. With some dick pics

 

You probably remember Michael Welch from the Twilight saga, about a girl torn between vampire and werewolf boyfriends (Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner).  He plays a human who has an unrequited crush on her.

Michael had sharp features and striking eyes that make him look angelic, demonic, or alien, so he was often cast as a  gay-vague outsider, even if his characters sometimes experienced unrequited heterosexual passions.

He began his acting career at the age of 10 in Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)  as Artim, a guy from a non-technological planet who bonds with the android Data.  performance won him a Young Artist Award.

Next came a series of paranormal and science fiction roles, including a clone of Colonel Jack O'Neill (Richard Dean Anderson) who just wants to be a normal teenager, on Stargate SG-1.  

He guest-starred in a number of sitcoms and dramatic series, including a memorable role as a new neighbor who falls for the brainy Malcolm in Malcolm in the Middle.

On Joan of Arcadia (2003-2005), Michael plays Luke Girardi, genius brother of the girl who talks to God,  He has a homoromantic buddy-bond with his best friend Friedman (Aaron Himmelstein), although he's also girl-crazy.

In The United States of Leland (2003), his mentally-challenged Ryan is murdered by classmate Leland, Ryan Gosling, who is dating his sister.

The Grind (2009) is about a grifter, Luke (C. Thomas Howell), who depends on his friends Josh and Courtney (Michael, Tanya Allen) to get him out of a jam. They start a sleazy website, but things go sour, and Luke has to rescue them from the Mexican mafia.

In Lost Dream (2009), college student Perry (Michael) falls for nihilistic free-spirit Giovanni (Shaun Sipos), who is involved in risky sex, drugs, and games of Russian roulette.  He must save Gio before it's too late.

As we often find, teenage gay-subtext roles give way to a thoroughly heteronormative adulthood.  Hansel and Gretel Get Baked, 2013, about a witch who lures teenagers into her house and drugs them with marijuana before literally baking them for dinner.  

More after the break