I certainly didn't want to see a tv show called Nobody Wants This, a romcom about a rabbi and an agnostic girl who fall in love. But I needed a half hour series, and it stars Adam Brody, who has played gay characters, and Kristen Bell, whose character was bisexual-vague in The Good Place. So maybe there will be some gay representation.
Scene 1: Joanne, Kristen Bell, runs away from a guy during their first date because he starts crying about how he lost his grandmother -- when he was 12! Switch to her podcast, where she asks "Am I the asshole?" 30 minutes of the date, and she learned that Grandma was a Rockette, and spent 42 years with her soulmate, William. A little much.
Sister Morgan: You always do this. You meet a nice guy, and find something wrong with him. It's like you don't want to be in a relationship. Who wants to watch a podcast about Joanne's relationship trouble? Oh, wait, this is a whole tv show about it.
Scene 2: Switch to Noah (Adan Brody) talking to his brother, Sasha, Timothy Simmons, who is heterosexual -- "Is Esther cheating on me?"
She was snooping around and found an engagement ring in a locked drawer, so she started planning the wedding. Noah wanted to ask, so it would be romantic. Besides, invasion of privacy. They argue; he dumps her.
Scene 3: Jeanne, Morgan, and an old guy, Michael Hitchcock, having dinner. Wait, there's an old lady on the other side of the booth; it's the anniversary of the day Mom and Dad got divorced!
She continues: "It's very trendy to be gay these days, so he switched."
Jeanne and her sister cut her off before she says anything else stupid.
Later, Jeanne gets a phone call from a Bigwig, who wants to "talk acquisition, a spin-off, and a book deal. Just keep having wacky relationship problems." Uh-oh, Girlfriend is finding true love later this episode.
Scene 4: Jeanne in bed, thinking of podcast ideas, when her best friend Ashley calls to invite her to a dinner party tonight.
"Who's going to be there?" Jeanne asks with a frown. "Bunch of lesbians?" Why don't you like LGBT people, Jeanne? Angry because your dad turned gay?
Best friend Ashley assures her that some heterosexuals are invited, including some men that she can date and find something wrong with for the podcast: a divorced dude with a kid, so you can make fun of him for being a bad dad; a finance guy who can't talk about anything else; and a rabbi, so you can make circumcision jokes.
Jeanne is excited. "They sound awful! I'll be there!"
Scene 5: The party, in a huge mansion...um, middle class house. Mostly women, a heterosexual male-female couple, a fruity guy flirting with a woman.
Jeanne kisses best friend Ashley on the mouth, and gets rejected. "Ewww...not gay for you." Wait, you dislike gay people, remember? Or maybe you hate everybody, so it's not homophobia, it's misanthropy/misogyny?
Next she sidles up to Noah, who thinks she's going through a crisis. "No, I'm just in constant need of attention." He has the same problem, constantly needing people to tell him he's cute.
That reminds her -- "There's a rabbi here! Let's find him so we can make fun of him!" She points out a bearded guy on the other side of the room.
As everyone goes in to dinner, Joanne seeks out Best Friend Ashley. "I think I'm really into the Divorced Guy!"
"Good. He's a horrible person, a condescending asshole, perfect for your podcast." Funny, that doesn't sound like Noah....
Big Reveal after the break. Caution: Explicit.
Scene 7: At dinner, everyone praises Joanne's podcast. They especially like the episode about why you should never have a three-way with someone hotter than yourself. Why is that a problem? I rather like guys who are hotter than me.
Left: Adam Brody's butt.
Noah asks for the details about Joanne. "She's a horrible person, but her bad personality is weirdly charming. But she's into the Divorced Guy, so you're out of luck." Comedy of mistaken identity, how Shakespearean.
He presses on: "Is she Jewish?" Uh-oh, unless they've read the promo, the viewer has just discovered that Noah is the Rabbi that Joanne was insulting.
"There's not a Jewish bone in her body -- unless you put one in her. She hates religion." Perfect for you, Boychick.
Next, the question comes up: if you know that a friend's husband is cheating, should you tell her? It's an ethics question, so they ask "What do you think, Rabbi?"
Joanne looks at the other bearded guy, and cuts off Noah when he starts to answer. "They asked the Rabbi."
The Other Bearded Guy roils: "I'm not a fucking Rabbi. I've written three New York Times best-sellers." He must be the condescending asshole.
Noah goes on to answer the "tell your friend about her husband's infidelity" question with a story from the Talmud, basically: don't gossip.
Upon discovering Noah's true identity, Joanne is shocked, but bounces back quickly, and finds it hot. They exchange "falling in love" gazes. Darn, I was expecting more drama.
Scene 8: Walking out to their cars, Joanne wants to know if rabbis can have sex. That's Catholic priests, dummy.
Noah wants to know if she's a little bit Jewish, because Rabbi-shiksa marriages are frowned up. Too soon, dude. Nope, she doesnt' even believe in God.
"Not a problem. Part of the Jewish experience is wondering what God is and isn't, if he is there or not."
"Let's see if I can say something that will scare you. My Dad is gay."
"Not a problem." Reform Judaism even has gay rabbis.
Ulp, not homophobic. But he's religious, and she hates religion. "Are you wrestling with your faith, thinking of giving it all up?"
"Nope, I'm devout. In fact, I'm giving an important sermon this Friday, hint hint."
No kiss.
Scene 9: Joanne on her podcast, criticizing Andrew Tate, the "king of toxic masculinity": "if all women are for is to serve men, then why do we get off on sex. We have big ole screaming orgasms."
Noah is listening to the podcast in his office, when two teenage boy appear and hear the "big ole screaming orgasms." Ulp, maybe wait until you get home?
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Scene 10: They are so obsessed with each other than Joanne can't sleep and Noah can't play basketball. This guy is rolling out the gender polarization, isn't he?
Cut to Joanne going out with the Condescending Asshole, who starts hitting on another girl in front of her. But you'll have more podcast material.
She leaves him, calls an Uber, and arrives at the temple just as Noah begins his sermon, a story about a man stranded on his roof during a flood, and people come by to help, but he says "No, God will save me." He drowns, and asks God, "Where were you?" God tells him, "I sent you a boat and a helicopter."
Joanne is moved by the sermon.
After the service, the yentas bring their daughters and nieces up to flirt with the rabbi, but he deflects them to latch onto the Gentile in Red. The ladies, including his mother, are furious. A shiksa! The end.
Beefcake: None. I went through the whole cast list, and found only Adam Brody's butt and Ash Khan, who plays Kevin, another party guest
Gay Characters: Dad. Patrick Bristow will appear in one episode as his boyfriend. Best friend Ashley.
Heterosexism: Of course. This is a romcom, after all.
Will I Keep Watching: It might be interesting to see them dealing with questions of faith/reason, duty/desire, but I think the future episodes are mostly about clashes between the wacky relatives. Probably not.
See also: Phil of the Future: Former Disney Channel teen on the Torah, wearing dresses, and his penis
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