So we'll give it a try. Episode 1.1, "A Portrait of a Lady."
Scene 1: At a lawyer employment agency, Helen explains that she moved to Sydney with her husband, but he ran off with an older man, so she's back in Melbourne, looking for work. But she has no references, so all the agent has is Gruber & Gruber, a small suburban firm handling wills and probate. And don't wear that all-brown outfit -- you blend in with the furniture. Sure enough, an associate (Rhys Nicholson) comes in and accidentally sits on her
Scene 2: Dressed all in yellow, Helen arrives at Gruber & Gruber for her interview . Extraordinarily Cute George offers her a glass of water, and compliments her outfit. If you ask nicely, maybe she'll let you try it on. Could we watch you changing?
Then it's Boss Ray (Marty Sheargold), who mangles her name, then realizes that her dad is a retired Supreme Court justice: "A great man." She's the oldest of the applicants, so she's in.
He explains: "When someone dies, the loved ones prefer a mature woman to comfort them and guide them through the paperwork." Uh-oh, Helen is cold and hard-edged, not good at comforting.
On the way out, she almost bumps into Roz, tall, middle-aged, suspicious.
Roz: "Who was that?"
Boss Ray: "Helen is your replacement. She's the new you."
Scene 3: Helen having breakfast. She calls for a teenage girl to fetch her grandma, who is supposed to live in the flat out back, but keeps coming in, feeding the dog, cleaning, and falling asleep in Helen's bed. Tell me more.
Next stop the coffee shop, where a guy is talking loudly on his phone. She tells him that he's being loud, and the barista kicks her out: "You were talking aggressively!"
Then work, where Extraordinarily Cute George photographs her for their webpage. Don't photographers usually take their shirts off? Roz, the person she's replacing, introduces herself as the Office Manager -- she was a solicitor, but she's been suspended.
A tour of the place with picky rules, and then, since they don't have an office for her yet, Boss Ray puts her in his own office to go over some files.
Scene 3: Office Manager Roz brings in her first case -- way early. Helen protests: she's never done probate law before, so she thought she would spend the first week studying and going through files.
Roz: "If you don't like the job..."
First case: Ruth, whose mum died, leaving half of the estate to her and the other to her brother Dean (Australian tv personality Glenn Robbins, left), but only if he has a vasectomy.
Helen tells her that you can't put conditions like that in a will. I've seen weirder conditions than that on tv: you must get married; you may not get married; you must spend the night in a haunted house.
"But he's got five kids from five different women."
Scene 4: Roz tells Boss Roy that she called Helen's previous job, and discovers that she was fired. "You should keep her under supervision." "But I'm the boss. I don't have time."
Back to Brother Dean: He refuses to have a vasectomy. He's afraid it might affect his work as a penis painter. She clarifies: he doesn't apply paint to guys' dicks, he uses his dick to paint. Presumably it has to be aroused.
Left: The Australian painter Pricasso, profiled on World of the Weird, paints regular portraits using his penis, with a brush inserted into his urethra. The Weird host was horrified, but it's similar to a common sexual practice called sounding.
Ruth: "So, can I get a court order forcing the vasectomy?"
Helen: "No, it's impossible."
She argues, so Helen turns a paper into a megaphone and yells "No. Vasectomy." Whoops, Boss Ray sees her, and becomes upset over the unprofessional demeanor.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.
Scene 5: Boss Ray's office. They convinced Ruth to return tomorrow by saying that Helen was high on painkillers.
Boss Ray: "Your last boss said you were fired because you attacked a client."
Helen: "I didn't attack her. I just yelled that she was a silly old whore. Standard office practice."
"We like to keep clients, because clients give us money."
Cut to the Extraordinarily Cute George in the break room, making coffee. We just watch him digging around in the coffee tin for a few minutes. Fine with me, but don't people usually make coffee in their underwear?
Cut to Boss Ray telling Roz about the "silly old whore." The lady was having an affair with Helen's husband, so the comment was justified. We're going to keep her on, but Roz has to mentor her.
Scene 6: Helen tries the coffee shop again, but she's still banned. The guy who was talking loudly on the phone happens to be the owner, Seb (Max Brown, top photo and left). So she gets coffees from a convenience store, brings one to Roz, and tries to explain why she didn't go to the place right next door. "I just like the convenience store coffee better."
Time for the mentoring session. Roz wants to work on Helen's people skills. Their clients have lost loved ones, and they need a friend. Find some way to connect, like pretend to like their hideous outfit.
Ruth from yesterday arrives. Roz sends Extraordinarily Cute George into the meeting to monitor the situation. I'm sure the ladies won't mind if you monitor naked..
He suggests a visual aid quoting numbers, so Helen uses the sausage rolls she got at the inferior coffee shop: Right now, you get half, Dean gets half. But if you try to get a court order for the vasectomy, which will never happen, your half will be eaten up in legal fees (munch, munch), and Dean still gets his half.
Ruth argues some more, and finally storms out.
Scene 7: Helen follows her out, to the banned coffee shop, where she is arguing with the barista. She suggests the convenience store -- better coffee -- and they bond over Helen's tale of losing her mother two years ago. When Ruth shows some photos of her brother working on his penis art, the clerk (comedian Rohan Ganju) kicks them out for watching porn.
Back at the office, Ruth agrees to the probate, hugs Helen, and leaves. Boss Ray congratulates her on getting the contract
Scene 8: When she gets home, Helen finds Dean the Penis Painter in her house! "I rang your office, and they gave me your home address. Your beautiful partner let me in." He means the grandma, who keeps coming in and falling asleep in Helen's bed.
"We're not partners."
"No judgment. Love is love."
To show his appreciation, Dean wants to do a penis painting for Helen. "Sure, but you have to paint from a photograph."
Scene 9: Next day, at the office, Helen has brought in a gift: A painting of Ray! "Ruth's brother Dean, the penis-painter, did it."
"Wow, it's great. All done with jizz, huh?"
Roz wants one, too, but she wants to sit for it. Cut to Dean's butt as he works and flirts. The end.
Beefcake: Just Dean's butt and numerous scenes with Extraordinarily Cute George.
Other Sights: A few establishing shots of downtown Melbourne, but they could depict any big city anywhere. Could we see Federation Square and the Queen Victoria Market?
Heterosexism: Only Roz expresses any heterosexual interest.
Gay Characters: It's not mentioned in this episode, but Helen's father the Supreme Court Judge came out two years ago, after his wife died, and now has a husband. They both appear in most episodes.Mark Brown and Rhys Nicholson appear twice. None of the episode synopses mention Extraordinarily Cute George getting a girlfriend.
My Grade: I liked the penis-painting, but there are entirely too many ladies around, I'm afraid that the gay dads are going to be presented as one of Helen's problems rather than real people, and Extraordinarily Cute George isn't naked enough. A-.
Kobey Pinnell: Bondi Beach bodybuilder is into shoes, but is he also into dudes?
No comments:
Post a Comment