RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Gemstones Episode 2.6: Yep, they have sex. Plus Judy grows a heart, Torsten a brain, and Amber the noive.

Previous: Episode 2.5: Yep, Kelvin is gay. But there's embezzlement, murder, and accountant cocks, too.

Title: "Never Avenge Yourselves, but Leave It to the Wrath of God." Romans 12:19. Who will suffer God's wrath?

Episode 2.6 has that controversial scene that fans are still arguing about, three seconds that have been analyzed backward and forward, frame by frame. Are they having sex or getting dressed? But really, it's so obvious that it could become porn with only a few minor changes in the actors' directions. It's so obvious that I can't even put a screen shot at the top photo without getting a "sensitive" tag. But first we have some unfinished business to attend to.

The Cycle Ninjas: We begin immediately after the Cycle Ninja attack in Episode 2.4. Jesse and Amber grab guns and fire on them as they zoom off, grazing one. He falls off his motorcycle, but jumps onto his colleague's and gives them the finger.

Later the family, except for Kelvin, gathers in Eli's drawing room to discuss the incident with Sheriff Brenda. Judy thinks that it was a case of road rage. Sheriff Brenda thinks that it was a botched robbery by some teenagers: professional assassins would have finished the job. Eli is sure that Junior sent the Cycle Ninjas to kill him. Other family members are at risk too, so he puts the compound on lockdown.

Judy complains about being stuck at home, with Tiffany living there after Baby Billy abandoned her. "She cleans everything with vinegar." Not the time for complaints, girl. Eli agrees: "Are you incapable of thinking of anyone but yourself?"

Out on the porch, Eli asks if Jesse has been to see Kelvin since the assault: "No. we ain't friends. He grew up to be a nerd."

The Second Dressing Room Scene: We cut to a full body front-and-rear shot of Kelvin, as he stands naked in front of the mirror in his dressing room. "Look at me," he tells Keefe, "A grotesque reflection of what I once was." Dude, you're not going to get any sympathy with that incredible body on display.

He is distraught over the fight with his father and the loss of the God Squad; he has been de-manned by the symbolic castration. Why should he get dressed? "I shall remain hidden, like the beast I've become."

Keefe advises that dressing for the day "soothes the soul," and drops to his knees. Kelvin pushes his head forward and down to begin oral sex. We see and (and hear) his climax, orgasm, and post-orgasm release. Keefe swallows and says "nice."

The scene lasts only a few seconds, and thus is easy to miss (I missed it the first time). And it is immersed in the act of getting dressed. Viewers are expected to be unsure whether they had sex or not, thus continuing the "are they or aren't they?" speculation.

But the non-sexual explanation makes no sense:

While stepping into his Tommy Johns, Kelvin steadies himself by pushing on Keefe's head. You steady yourself on your friend's shoulders, not on his head.

Using his hands to push is painful. Elsewhere he is shown using the palms and base of his hands without pain.

Keefe says "nice" because...um... Go on?

Structurally, it is a logical conclusion of the first dressing room scene. The guys move from quasi-sexual erotic activity to an overt sexual act.

It makes sense for Kelvin's character. He that his injury has rendered him impotent in a society dedicated to the phallus, grotesque in a society that prizes male beauty. What better way to demonstrate that he is still potent, still beautiful?

It makes sense for Keefe's character. You've just gotten a good look at the amazingly hot backside of the Man of Your Dreams, and now you are kneeling with your face three inches from his amazingly hot cock --aroused by your proximity. What guy could resist going down?

Afterwards, Keefe helps Kelvin get dressed, boops his nose, and puckers up for a kiss. Kelvin moves in, then changes his mind and abruptly turns aside. He still resists the idea of romantic love, but he is gradually coming around.

Down in the yard, the God Squad is running a motorcycle over the tennis court and otherwise wilding. They've even moved into the house. Kelvin is horrified: "Our empire is crumbling." Notice that it's now "our" empire; they are equal partners. Keefe encourages him to prove that he is still strong, physically and mentally: "Your will is not broken, even though your thumbs are."

Judy Grows a Heart: Judy is signing fan photos with an erect penis and "stay horny," a call back to the Kelvin/Keefe sex scene, while Tiffany calls the area hospitals to see if Baby Billy was admitted. Judy scoffs: "He abandoned you." But Tiffany can't believe it. Maybe he's still looking for Funyons, and will return with the car loaded-down with them. Maybe he had a stroke, and doesn't remember who he is. What if he's dead?

Tiffany starts to cry, and Judy starts to feel compassion, "thinking of someone other than herself" for maybe the first time in her life. This reminds me of the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz: "If I only had a heart."

Amber Grows Courageous. Next the Cowardly Lion: "If I only had the noive." At the marital support group, Amber brags about how she chased off the Cycle Ninjas and shot one from 50 yards away. The women cheer. Jesse, feeling threatened, argues that they were both shooting, and it's unclear who actually "grazed " the Ninja, The women aren't having it. Amber luxuriates in the cheers, feeling for the first time that she's her own person, not just an extension of her partner.

Later, Jesse's crew tries to console him for being de-manned by his wife. They suggest some buddy-bonding over craft beers, but he refuses. He's too upset about "the whole church sucking my wife's dick." Another call-back to Kelvin's blow job.

Hand-holding and orgasms after the break

Holding hands in front of the God Squad: In the gym, Kelvin addresses the God Squad's concerns that his broken thumbs make him an inappropriate leader. He proves his strength by offering them "Strawberry Shortcake Bahama Bro Smoothies." and suggests that they join hands to pray about it.

Keefe reaches over to take Kelvin's hand, but look at his procedure. He moves in to position near Kelvin's elbow, brings both of their arms together, and moves down. He is, in effect, caressing Kelvin's arm, a more romantic gesture than a platonic hand-holding. Kelvin pushes him away: "I didn't mean me." Because touching his broken thumb is painful, or because holding hands is painful?

The God Squad wonders how he can lead them on missions when he can't even lift a smoothie. He tries, but spills it all over! The guys laugh and make rude gestures. Keefe tries to comfort him with a hug, but Kelvin brushes him away.

Finally, Torsten -- the scarecrow, "if I only had a brain" -- figures out that he, and other God Squad members, are twice the size of Kelvin. He should be leader: "Kelvin, I challenge you!"

"But Torsten, you're my gentle giant," Kelvin protests. Another favorite? Have they been in the steam showers together?

They all rush out for the cross-bearing challenge.