A flurry of fabulous Finns, with their fine frames, built backsides, and devastating dicks

Last year I was overloaded with Gavins.  It appears that this year I'm having a run on Finns: Finn Carr, Finn Burke, Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith) from Glee, Finn the Human (Jeremy Shada) from Adventure Time.  So I thought it would be fun to gather up the actors named Finn who have shown their stuff, on-screen or off.

 

1. Probably the most famous Finn of this generation is Finn Wolfhard, who played Mike Wheeler, central character in Stranger Things (2016-22).  The 1980s Indiana boy investigates his buddy's disapperance into a demon-haunted dimension and falls in love with an ESP girl.  Finn has also appeared in Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, It, King of the Hill, and the new Paranorman.  

Straight and femme in real life, he has no dick pics, but here's his basket.  I'm not an expert, but is that lady's underwear?

2. Second most famous is probably Finn Witrock, who played many characters in different seasons of the anthology American Horror Story (2014-21), including serial killer Dandy, vampire's boy toy Tristan , feral child Jether, and vampire bait Harry.  Some of them were gay-vague or gay-for-pay, but Finn is straight in real life.

3. Brandon Finn grew up in Hawaii, and has appeared in several series set or filmed in his home state, including Magnum PI, Fantasy Island, and Chief of War (where he played the gay Prince Kūpule). I can't tell from his Instagram if he's gay in real life.

4. Nonbinary genderqueer Fin  Argus has played gay characters in Queer as Folk, The Other Two, and The Commute.  They have given us a  lot of butt pics but no frontal; maybe they want to keep what they have in front private.

5. British actor Finn Cole is known for Animal Planet, Peaky Blinders, and Slaughterhouse Rulez.  I can't tell if his partner here is male, female, or nonbinary, but in real life he likes girls.

The Finn phalluses come after the break. Caution: Most are aroused. 

Johnny Karn: Lost virginity, pretentious straightness, psycho-slashers, and the most incredible penis you've ever seen

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Big Boys: A gay university freshman tries to make friends, get laid, and find his tribe. With a lot of Dylan d*cks

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"Thundermans Undercover": Gay-vague superhero Jack Griffo flexes, tries to pick up men. With a lot of beefcake and Griffo junk

 

Nickelodeon's Thundermans (2013-18) featured a nuclear family with superpowers trying to live incognito in the normal-powered world. Teenage Phoebe has chosen superhero as her career goal, while her twin brother Max  (Jack Griffo) wants to become a supervillain.  He trains under Doctor Colossus, a supervillain transformed into a rabbit, and later the sensei of evil, Dark Mayhem.  Eventually Max decides that being a supervillain would be too destructive for his family, so he switches career paths and teams up with Phoebe.  They become the Thunder Twins.

Max was heavily gay-coded, with minimal interest in girls.  When he does ask a girl out, it is often because he wants to use her to acquire something of value, or to continue to hide his secret identity.  Or he'll date a girl once and find an excuse to drop her.  I did that quite often in high school, too.  Anything to get out of that darn good-night kiss.

The spin-off Thundemans Undercover (2025) has the grown-up and bulked-up Thunder Twins going undercoer in Secret Shores, Florida, to investigate a new supervillain threat.  Superheroes work pro bono, so to pay the rent, Phoebe gets a job as an art teacher at Secret Shores High School, and Max becomes the assistant principal.  Don't you need years of teaching experience to qualify to be principal? They are also living together and parenting their little sister Chloe, who happens to be a student. 

The familial relationship between Max and Phoebe, and the fact that the Chloe is the real focus character, eliminates the need for hetero-romance. Phoebe dates once in the first season, but Max continues to be gay-vague.  

I'm reviewing Episode 1.9, "No Friend in Sight."

Scene 1: After a long day of school and superhero training, teenage Chloe is trying to have "Me-Time with No Max."  She settles down with a giant bowl of popcorn (essential for watching tv on tv, but never in real life) and turns on Glove Island.  Whoops, Max appears, and wants to hang out.  

Nope, Chloe zaps herself into the kitchen to watch alone.  Now Phoebe appears and wants to hang out!

She tries zapping into the superhero lair, but both Max and Chloe follow.

Frustrated, she announces "I'm going to Splats."  But they grab her hands as she zaps -- she's stuck with them. 

Scene 2: Splats, the standard teencom hangout.  Chloe criticized her guardians for wanting to spend every moment with her. They should make some friends of their own.  

It can't be hard to make friends, right?  Phoebe rushes up to a girl and exclaims "My future maid-of-honor!  We both wear pants!", scaring her away.

Scene 3: Apprised of how not to come on too strong, Max heads to the gym. Personal trainer Jim asks if he wants to sign up for a chance to win tickets to a party hosted by A-List Elixers, where they will introduce their $100 milkshake.  Max pushes: "My new best friend!"  Turned off, he walks away.

Jim is played by gay actor/model Austin Trapp, who you have seen in Yellowjackets, Tracker, and So Help Me Todd.

Max tries to attract the next guy by flexing. It's a gym, babe -- everybody is  muscular.  Try winning him over with your wit and charm...oh, right.  Better flex.

Buffed Dude agrees to spot him, but when Max requests "a lifetime of friendship," he gets spooked and rushes away.

More after the break.