"Fit Hot Guys Have Problems, Too"

I know what people think when they see me:

That I'm so hot, it's insane

When I exit a pool, I do it in slow motion.

But that doesn't mean I can't complain.

Don't look at me, I'm not flexing for you.

I have almost no body fat,

But I'm too bummed to talk about that.

I know I look much better than you,

But fit hot guys have problems too.

Everyone is at my sexual mercy,

Be they a mister or a miss.

But when they're on their knees,

I get no sympathy

More after the break

Because they can only see this.

My pecs are perfect, but I have bad days.

So don't objectify me with your male or female gaze.

I had childhood traumas, just like you.

'Cause fit hot guys have problems too.

--"Fit Hot Guys," from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

See also: Double Vision, with nude photos of Gideon and Keefe

Six degrees of Kevin Bacon's bacon. With Billy Crudup, Mickey Rourke, and others

I was trying to combine the "six degrees of Kevin Bacon" game, where any actor in any random movie is six movies or less away from Kevin, plus a double-entendre on "bacon" meaning "penis."  

It didn't work, so I'll just post six penises, some of Kevin Bacon, some of his costars.

Born in 1958, Kevin graduated from high school at age 15, attended Bucknell University, and hit the New York theater scene in 1975.  He was in some plays and some New York-based soap operas, and he played one of the fratboy pledges in Animal House, 1978.  You know you saw it, and didn't notice anything problematic.  It was the 70s.

He bulged in the teen slasher Friday the 13th, 1980, but I just saw it recently, and didn't notice.  A few more plays, including Forty Deuce, which won him an Obie, and he was ready for fame in the angst vehicle Diner, 1982, with Steve Guttenberg, Mickey Roarke, and Daniel Stern.

Penis #1: Actually Mickey Rourke's.

Footloose, 1984, is an icon of the 1980s generation, where televangelists like Jerry Falwell were calling down God's wrath on America for such sins as teen pregnancy, the Equal Rights Amendment, and homa-sekshuls: a conservative preacher has banned dancing in his small town, I didn't see it, but there's a buddy-bonding gay subtext between Ren and Willard (Kevin, Chris Penn) in the play.

White Water Summer, 1987: Kevin plays a sadistic wilderness guide who almost sends Sean Astin to his death.  But there aren't any girls in it, at least.

Kevin shows his butt in He Said, She Said, 1991, a romance with the gimmick of showing every scene twice, from his and her point of view.

Another butt in Pyrates, 1991, which is not about pirates.  The hetero couple literally starts fire when they are burning with passion.

That reminds me of an old joke, either from Talulah Bankhead or Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: 

Guy: "Do you smoke after sex?"

Talulah/Elvira: "Darling, I don't know.  I never looked."

A Few Good Men, 1992, sounds like it is about soldiers fighting and dying, but actually it's a courtroom drama, with Tom Cruise defending two soldiers accused of murder. Kevin stars as the Captain.

Penis #2: James Marshall, playing one of the accused soldiers.

More after the break.  I swear, we'll see Kevin's bacon

"Bullet Train": Eleven assassins, Brad Pitt, and queerbaiting on the train from Tokyo to Kyoto. With some nude dudes

 

Friday's Movie Night movie was Bullet Train (2022), starring Brad Pitt as a professional assassin assigned to do an "easy" job, grab a briefcase full of money, on the bullet train that travels the 440 km (220 miles) from Tokyo to Kyoto in two hours. He doesn't realize that the train is crowded with other assassins, professional and amateur.

1. The Father, Andrew Koiji, wants revenge on The Prince, a gang lord who had his son thrown off a building.  

2. The Prince is also on the train, but he doesn't recognize her. She forces him to retrieve the money and load it with explosives, to assassinate her estranged father, #6, below.

3.-4. Tangerine and Lemon, Andrew Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry, a queerbait couple.  After nearly two hours of the two bickering, being affectionate, and discussing their life together, director David Leitch loses his nerve and makes them brothers.

They have rescued...

5. The Son, Logan Lerman, from kidnappers, and also retrieved the ransom money that Brad Pitt is supposed to steal.    But the Son is killed, I forget by whom, so....

6. The Son's father, Russian crime lord The White Death, Michael Shannon, shows up to kill Tangerine and Lemon and whoever else he thinks flubbed the job. 

Left: Michael Shannon's butt, for a change of pace

More assassins after the break