Shia LaBeouf: From gay-subtext teencom to heterosexual porn. At least he shows us his dick a lot.

Even Stevens (2000-2003) was one of the first, and best, of the Disney Channel teencoms, featuring middle-school boyfriends Louis and Twitty (Shia LaBeouf, A.J. Trauth).  Episode plots emphasize their romance:

Louis becomes jealous when Twitty starts hanging out with a girl.

Louis becomes jealous when Twitty starts hanging out with a boy.

Louis becomes a celebrity, straining his relationship with Twitty.

 I remember an episode where they were sitting together on the couch, not on opposite ends like most people, but squeezed in with their thighs pressing together.  "They're not even trying to hide it," I thought.  

Add Nick Spano as a hunky older brother and Fred Meyers as older sister's swishy bff, and you have a gay-subtext classic. 

Seasons change, teencoms are cancelled, and the actors move on.  Nick Spano, top photo, majored in English literature at UCLA and now runs the Re/Creation Cafe.  

AJ Trauth, left, lives in Ohio. 

Fred Meyers is a paramedic.

As far as I can tell, they're all heterosexual in real life.

And what about Louis Stevens, Shia LaBeouf?

He moved into dark, depressing indies about lost, dying, grieving, and enraged youth:

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints: as his friends are killed or kill themselves, Shia believes that he is protected by the saints.

Bobby: The night of Robert Kennedy's assassination

Disturbia. A teen under house arrest "rear-windows" a serial killer.

When he veered into science fiction, as in Transformers, it was always a boy and a girl gazing into each other's eyes forever.

He shows his penis on screen for the first time in the 2012 music video Sigur Rós: Fjögur píanó, which looks Icelandic but is actually in English.  It's about a boy and a girl gazing into each other's eyes forever.

More dick and a Catholic priest after the break

Next Shia moved into dark, artistic softcore porn like Nymphomaniac, 241 minutes of a woman telling about her various sexual experiences. 

And he got into trouble:  

"Shia LaBeouf apologizes for racist tirade...apologizes after new racist video surfaces."

"Shia apologizes for using gay slur...Shia apologizes for homophobic video."

Fired from a movie due to his toxic behavior.

Former girlfriend sues him, alleging that he hit her, threw her against a car, and tried to strangle her.

It goes on, getting worse and worse.

I'd better go back to the nudity.

We get a  butt shot in the music video Sia: Elastic Heart, as he frolicks in a giant bird cage with a naked lady.

A dick while he prepares to have sex in American Honey, about a girl who runs away from an abusive home to hook up with traveling magazine subscription salespeople. Huh?

A dick in The Tax Collector, but you might not want to see it, as his character, Creeper, has just been beaten to death.

A butt in Peanut Butter Falcon, about a boy with Down Syndrome who runs away to become a wrestler.  No falcons? 

We see Shia's dick and butt both in Pieces of a Woman, about..well, who cares?  You know you're not going to see a movie with that title, anyway.

His butt again in Padre Pio, about conflict in a small Italian town getting its first democratic elections, or about a priest blessed with stigmata, depending on which plot synopsis you believe.

His experience in Padre Pio encouraged Shia to convert to Roman Catholicism and inquire about entering the diaconate.  

Maybe that will bring him some peace. Or the rest of us.

Even Stevens is still available to stream on the Disney Channel.  So somewhere out there, in another universe, Lous and Twitty are still sitting on that couch together, dedicated to each other.

We two boys together clinging,

One the other never leaving,

Up and down the roads going,

Power enjoying, elbows stretching, fingers clutching,

Arm'd and fearless, eating, drinking, sleeping, loving,

See also: Braxton Alexander: 3 Heterosexual Boyfriends, 3 Serial Killers, 1 Saxophone, and 5 Bare Butts

Michael Seater: From teencom buddy to a heteronormative adulthood, except for his boyfriend and those videos

 Dan Benson: The gay-vague Disney Channel teen hunk finds a new career showing gay men his dick