Previous: Episode 3.3 Continued: a fire dance, a limp wrist, a phallic sword, and Balkan sex gods
Some premium fuck dolls: Keefe and Taryn are leading a Teen and Parents Together "ice cream and wieners" party. Keefe has apparently never done any ministry without Kelvin, so he is very nervous. He is not wearing his "wedding ring," maybe worried that it would out him.
The background song is about your lover finding someone new, but:
I say it's misinterpretation, a case of your infatuation
I know it's me who's on your mind, I know you're only killing time
You'll be back eventually, you'll be back permanently. You're still in love with me.
Wait -- has Keefe broken up with Kelvin to date Taryn? Or is this a precursor of another break-up, coming later?
The parents point out that they know very little about Keefe, even though he is a youth minister, in charge of nurturing their children. Before Keefe has a chance to answer any questions, Biker Clarence, the owner of the store that he bought out, drops by to praise him for buying "every last butt buzzer I had in stock!" He invites Keefe to check out the new merchandise coming in: "We got some premium fuck dolls!" Inappropriate, dude! You're in an ice cream shop. Don't you notice the kids around?
Top photo: Biker Clarence is played by George Paez, who doesn't have any nude photos online, so I substituted Steve Zahn in Saving Silverman
Taryn and Keefe assure the parents that "it's not what you think." That is, Keefe isn't actually gay, he bought the toys for a project "we did with your kids." Even worse! But didn't the parents know about Smut Busters? You have to get permission slips every time you take the kids off church property.
The boys at the Citadel: Next, Jesse and Amber complain to their teenage son Pontius that he has too many tattoos, he shouldn't be having sex with his girlfriend, and he's been rejected by every college he applied to.Come on, he's a world-famous Gemstone. Christian colleges will fight to get him in.
Jesse wants to send him to the Citadel, the South Carolina military college: the boys there "would split your ass like a pair of damn Chinese chopsticks." He means that the boys would harass Pontius, but the threat of anal sex hangs in the air.
Sunday morning: after "getting ready for church" scenes, the Gemstones and Montgomerys walk down a hallway the Salvation Center. The shots in the trailer caused considerable fan speculation: why do Kelvin and Keefe look so angry? I still don't know.
.Their hands stay under the table until Peter threatens Judy, and Eli steps in, telling him to leave or he'll be shot. Everyone in the family except Gideon, Kelvin, and Keefe pulls out a gun. A gun expert on the fan board pointed out that only Amber and BJ are holding them properly.
Then Kelvin, frightened (of his family's guns?), says something indecipherable to Keefe, who moves his hand back to the table top and makes a finger-gun. Kelvin looks around for a weapon, and brandishes a fork. His left hand is still under the table, and stays there, holding Keefe, until Peter circles the table again.
Now the "wedding rings" are fully visible, matching men's silver wedding bands with black diamond inlay (the real thing sells for over $4000), on the ring finger of Kelvin's left and Keefe's right hand.
They will be emphasized several times during the season, especially when Kelvin is thinking about or talking about Keefe. They are symbols of the relationship, which means that the guys exchanged them deliberately. They have a permanent commitment. Kelvin can't say that they are lovers, but he can show it.
For a little while, anyway.
Things get worse after the break.
It makes my a-hole burn: The backlash to the ice cream-and-wieners party begins when Kelvin finds a letter in the Teen Time suggestion box: "Keefe is weird. I am not comfortable with him around kids." Is "weird" being used as a euphemism for "gay" again?
He wants to know what went wrong. Keefe explains that the porno shop owner "outed me in front of the parents." Not outing him as a participant in the Smut Busters: that wasn't a secret. Bike Clarence made it sound like Keefe bought the butt buzzers and fuck dolls for himself, thus "outing" him as gay.
Well, did Keefe explain that he bought the toys on church business? He tried, but he couldn't really articulate how buying sex toys helped the church. Kelvin gets even more angry; Keefe's inability to handle this incident without outing himself -- and by implication, both of them -- suggests that he is not qualified to be assistant youth pastor. So, are you going to fire him, or what?
What about the parents' concerns? "This kind of talk makes my a-hole burn." Keefe responds: "I hate to think that I'm responsible for your a-hole burning."
I have never heard anyone use that expression to mean angry or upset, nor can I find it online. It's quite likely that Kelvin's real a-hole is burning: remember that he just stopped withholding anal sex. If your partner is too big or too enthusiastic, as he is bound to be after a drought, he can create tiny tears, resulting in rectal burning and itching. In Season 1, Kelvin's a-hole burned after a similar experience, tied into his guilt over being gay Now it's the possibility of being outed, and its impact on his career, that burns him. Will he be backing away from the erotic again, to maintain the illusion that he and Keefe are just good buddies?
Sip and Paint: A scene of Kelvin/Keefe problems will inevitably be paired with BJ/Judy problems. They are on another date night, at a sip-and-paint studio. Why do they get so many dates, when Kelvin/Keefe get none?
Someone sends BJ a dick pic! He wants to email the guy to explain the mistake, because "some lucky gal's missing out on that glorious cock shot." Did you forget that gay men exist, Buddy? I'm sure your brothers-in-law would enjoy looking at a glorious cock. Uh-oh, Judy realizes that Stephen, the guy she had the affair with, sent it on purpose to big-dick her husband!
The White Slap: Next, Jesse gets is initiated into the Cape and Pistol Society, for the elite of evangelical ministers. He sparrs with rival Vance Simkins, and uses so many cuss words that he's sentenced to a "white slap" -- literally being slapped by someone wearing a scary white mask.
Then Baby Billy confronts him: "You are so hell-bent on running this church the way your daddy did, but you ain't your daddy." This line in the trailer led to widespread speculation that Eli had died, but it was just a misdirection. Then Baby Billy suggests that a performance by Aimee-Leigh, Eli's dead wife and a famous gospel singer, would get some butts into the seats. But how can she perform?
Probably there are videos of her singing at the Grand Ole Opry or something. Baby Billy may explain, but who's paying attention? Viewers are pushing the fast-forward button, anxious to see what happens with Kelvin and Keefe.
Rumors Swirling: At the church food court -- notice the booths for Fancy Nancy's Chicken, Jason's Steakhouse, and "Wok on the Water" -- Kelvin, in virginal white instead of his usual green to emphasize his purity, listens to parental concerns about Keefe.
This is Kelvin's chance to exonerate Keefe by coming clean: "Buying the sex toys was all my idea. I thought it would be a good teen project. Keefe was just following my orders." But instead he throws the guy under the bus in order to stay closeted: "I vouch for him. He is one of my closest personal friends. He is my dude."
A parent (Nick Arapoglou, left) responds: "With all the rumors swirling about you, can't you see how strange this all looks?"
"There's rumors swirling about me?" Kelvin asks, shocked. He thought that he was adequately closeted, and maybe he was -- Evangelicals often have trouble conceiving of a Man of God being "that way," so they may have let his feminine mannerisms and lack of interest in women slide. But with Keefe outed, the rumors are bound to swirl. If Kelvin is outed as well, his career as a youth pastor...as a pastor of any sort...as a Gemstone...
"Remove him, or we remove our kids." a parent demands.
Kelvin literally runs away.
I'm not anxious to re-watch the rest of the episode.
Bonus: I couldn't find any nude photos of Nick Arapoglou, the Concerned Parent, so how about Steve Zahn and Paul Walker in Joyride?
No comments:
Post a Comment