Alexander Polinsky: Adam on "Charles in Charge" grows up, models props, goes Furthur. With Andrew Keegan, Julian Sands, and some d*cks

 I get a lot of page views with profiles of former child stars and teen idols who have gone on to a hunk adulthood, so naturally I was drawn to Charles in Charge (1984-1990), with Scott Baio as a college student working as a live-in nanny in...um...a household full of teenage girls far too old for a nanny.

There were boys around, too, but Jonathan Ward and Michael Pearlman from the 1984-85 version can't be found.  That leaves Alexander Polinsky, who appeared as Adam Powell in 104 episodes in the second version (1986-90).  

The show was focused on Charles, his buddy Buddy (Willie Aames), and the two teenage girls, so Adam didn't get a lot of centrics: he is harassed by a bully, gets a crush on a girl, takes a babysitting job.  I recall one episode where Adam has to explain that he doesn't like playing football.  He starts off with a list of the sports he does like, lest Charles get the idea that he is a sissy/ gay.

Left: Alex with fellow 1990s teen stars Stephen Dorff and Brian Austin Green

After Charles, the 14-year old had guest spots on Billy (about a Scottish comedian), The New Lassie (about a dog), and Joe's Life (about a stay-at home Dad), and starred in Pumpkin II: Blood Wings (1994): teenagers accidentally unleash an ancient demon, who kills them all except the Final Girl.

In Perfect Fit (2000), Dick (Alex) "turns to murder" to satisfy his girlfriend, a blue jean fetishist. 

Former Colt model and soap stud Nick Benedict appears as Thomas, one of the jeans donors.

Since the 2000s, Alex has been involved mostly in his prop modeling and voiceover animation: 

Control Freak in Teen Titans

Garrett in Alpha Teens on Machines

Chameleon Boy in Legion of Superheroes.

Jimmy Olsen in Batman: The Brave and the Bold

Unicorns 1 and 2 in Breadwinners

Several characters in Monster High: the Series

He returned to live action for the the anthology movie Locker 13 (2014).  In Segment 3, Alex plays a mental patient considers jumping off a building, until the fast-talking Jason Marsden tells him about a Suicide Club, where members bet on when and how people will off themselves.

Ricky Schroder appeared in another segment as a down-and-out boxer who finds sinister gloves that let him win every match -- for a price.

Roger Ebert.com tells us: "Rarely do I find a movie that is so appalling if not outright insulting to all of humanity (and particularly, in this case, womankind) that it gives me a stomach ache, but Locker 13 really put me off my Cobb Salad."

Still, Alex highlights his segment in his acting demo reel.

Alex has one writing/producer credit: Going Furthur (2016), 1966-67, Ken Kesey and his Merry Pranksters took a psychedelic bus called Furthur up and down the West Coast, offering Acid Tests to introduce the youth counterculture to LSD. 

50 years later, Ken's son Zane and new Merry Pranksters repeat the trip (without the LSD), visiting "music festivals, community events, tribal festivals, and national landmarks."

This one sounds interesting.

More after the break

"Killing It," Episode 1.8: Does the Kingmaker like-like Brock? Are the Flo Boys brothers or boyfriends? And whose d*ck is that?

 

Killing It (2021-23) stars Craig Robinson as a Florida schlep who tries to get rich by hunting pythons in the Everglades.  Scott MacArthur plays his frenemy, a seasoned python hunter.  The two have a sort of love-hate gay-subtext relationship, but I'm going to review Episode 1.8, "The Kingmaker," which gives us Brock's back story.

Scene 1: 2016. Brock and his wife are celebrating their anniversary, discussing how much hot sex they're going to have tonight.  Whoops, they forgot that their son Corby (Wyatt Walter) is sitting at the table with them. Why bring your son to your anniversary dinner?  Have him order a pizza.  

Brock is a manager now, so they'll be able to buy a house.  Everything will be perfect from now on. Never say that on tv, or you're doomed.

 Uh-oh, phone call: It's the Boss, firing him for incompetence.  Brock switches from begging not to be fired to yelling "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

Scene 2: 2018. Brock is lying in bed, talking to himself about how great he is: "I can kill a python with my bare hands!" But he's also sensitive; he cries when he thinks of his mother passing -- "women eat that stuff up."  He appeals to all four quadrants: kings, queens, teens, tweens, and men."  Aren't the kings men?  He just needs a partner to help monetize his fan base.

Son Corby asks why he's been sleeping in the guest room for the last month, and suggests marital counseling, but nope: "Your mother and I are fine."

Scene 3: At breakfast, Brock suggests a video where he's out catching pythons in free-balling jeans, so viewers can see his butt -- a tactic sure to draw followers.  His wife thinks that his goal of becoming an influencer is misguided, but he insists: one guy makes $190,000 a year letting spiders bite him.  

"Is he hot?"

"Um...yeah, incredibly hot, but...is that important?"  Brock is bi.

He's got a meeting with viral marketing pros today that will make his career. 

Scene 3: While driving Corby to school, Brock tries to bond by bragging about the big car they're going to get when he's internet-rich, but "I don't care what kind of car you drive."  This depresses Brock: "WHen I was a kid, I worshipped my Dad."

Scene 4: Brock giving his pitch at the Viral Marketing Agency.  "We want you to be sponsored by a major tobacco company."

"Fine, no moral qualms here. I'm not some fucking weird-ass pussy."  I forgot to mention that Brock is a terrible person.  They all are.

Actually, they want him to cast negative social attention on vaping, so kids will try cigarettes instead: use a vape pen all day, while secretly taking poison, so: "Your liver will give out, but you won't die, as long as you get to the hospital in time."  It pays $8,000.

"Don't you have any regular advertising, like gloves?"

You need a million followers for that, and he only has 150,000.

Scene 5: A depressed Brock looks at one of his python-hunting Youtube videos, and wonders why it has only 150 views. He accidentally clicks on the Flo Boys (Chris Mason, Luke Mullen), whose video got 1,000,000 views in an hour.  They're a Christian prankster team: after they pray, they dare Intern Kyle (Trey Best) to eat some mace-covered chicken wings. He runs away sobbing.

Left: The d*ck of someone named Chris Mason (there are a lot of them).  

Luke Mullen played the first identified gay character on a Disney Channel program, in Andi Mack.  He mentions a girlfriend in an interview, but his Instagram is full of pictures with male friends.

Back to Killing It:

Brock calls his son Corby and shows him the video.  "Look who's sitting with the Boys -- Kevin Brailing, the Kingmaker!"  He's got 120 million subscribers; he can make or break online influencers.  

Cut to the Kingmaker being interviewed. "I can get anyone 2 million followers," he announces.  The downside: he's making content constantly, with no time for shopping or having friends.

The Flo Boys are based in Miami, which means that the Kingmaker is in Miami right now!  

Scene 6: While on the way to the Flo Boys' house, Brock gets a call from the Viral Marketing people: some boys in Ohio got poisoned from vaping, so theyr'e going to use them instead. 

He yells: "Lose my number.  My life has value.  I have a family, I have talent, and I'm on my way to a meeting.

Crash, explosion!

More after the break

"My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

October 18, 2025:

When Jesse walked into the media room, he saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the big tv -- drag queens in the Australian outback -- and Pontius with his arms wrapped around someone.  They were kissing.

For a moment he thought it was a girl, proving that this "bi" stuff was just a phase.  But no, it was Stacy, the long-haired femme kid who was shot and almost killed at the Gator Farm Massacre.  How did he and Pontius manage to find each other?   

Sure, Stacy was a nice boy -- maybe too nice for his asshole son.  But after Kelvin coming out, then Cousin Karl, then his friend Levi, plus both Daddy and Uncle Baby Billy mentioning gay romances in their past, and now Pontius. Who was next,  BJ?  Aunt May-May?  Jesse was getting a little tired of being an ally.

“Hey, cool off," he called down.  "Give your tongues a rest.  Is that all you ever do?”

Pontius raised his head.  “Of course not," he said with an evil grin.  "We do a lot of stuff. Wanna watch?”

Jesse had already caught Pontius going down on Stacy -- in the hospital, of all places!  He didn't need a repeat. "Don't be a smartass.  You gonna go to the Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house, or you gonna stay here and make out?"

"Stay here and make out?" Pontius asked, looking expectantly at Stacy.

"No, we're going. It's important for us to socialize with other queer youth."  He stood, took Pontius' hand, and pulled him to his feet.

"You're always going to get you rway" Pontius said, smiling.  "If only you weren't so gosh-darned cute."

Gosh-darned?  Jesse thought.  Maybe Stacy is a good influence on him.  

"One more for the road," Stacy said, "And then we'd better get to that party."  He leaned up and kissed Pontius.

"Disgusting display!" 

It was Vance Simkins, the megachurch pastor whose homophobic rants almost pushed Kelvin back into the closet, before he rallied, came out on national television, and won the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award.  

 “Who let you in?” Jesse asked, frowning.  "I defeated you in that duel, remember?  So stay on your own side of the state."

“The security station was letting everybody through, if they said they were coming for the party.  What party?"

“Kelvin and Keefe's Game Night," Jesse said, omitting the "queer."

But Vance caught on anyhow.  "Good thing I dropped by.  Is this one of them decadent parties with little holes in the wall, so you can stick your dick through and anybody who wants can suck it?  And guys hanging in leather stirrups, so anybody who wants can screw them?”

“It’s just board games,” Stacy said.

"But the party you're planning sounds fun, too," Pontius added.  "Can Stace and I get an invitation?"

Vance grinned.  "Well, if it’s perfectly innocent, you won’t mind if I come along.”

“It’s for queer youth and their allies under age 25," Jesse said.  "Now, you’re obviously queer, but you haven't been 25 since...The Battle of Fort Sumter?”

"Besides," Stacy added, "A lot of the kids are traumatized by growing up in homophobic churches.  Some are closeted, worried that their parents will reject them, even kick them out of the house.  It's supposed to a safe space -- no  homophobes allowed."

“I am not a homophobe, young lady, or fella, or whatever you think you are.  I just want to see the kinds of games homo...um, queer youth play.  Or should I call the police and tell them about the underaged homosexual sodomy going on in Kelvin's little den of iniquity?"

Jesse sighed.  He was probably bluffing, but... "Ok, Vance, you talked me into it.  We'll go over and check it out. Boys, you go on ahead.  We'll be there in a bit."

There were only two ways to get into the party: they had to either turn 21 again, or bring food.  Jesse dragged Vance to the kitchen, and they loaded up the two trays of lemon bars that Amber was planning to bring to the Marital Problem Group tomorrow -- he would drop by the all-night bakery and replace them later.  

They had to park on the lawn at Kelvin's house.  There were about a dozen cars parked outside, plus two church vans.  Assuming that they carpooled, Jesse estimated that there were about fifty teenagers and young adults at the party.  Hopefully none of them were kissing!

Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe answered the door with his fists raised.  "Pontius and Stacy told us you would be trying to get in.  But we don't allow homophobes."

"Down, boy!" Vance said with a laugh. "I promise to be on my best behavior."

"We're just dropping off some snacks for the group.  Two dozen lemon bars -- Amber and our housekeeper Tanya made them."

Keefe looked suspicious, but he dropped his fists.  "Well, I do love a good lemon bar. Come on in."

They carried the trays from the foyer into the formal parlor, where about twenty people were sitting in small groups.  Kelvin, leading what sounded like a Gay Trivia game, nodded at them.

"Hey, Buddy," Vance said, "Isn't that your son Geraldine?  The one who wants to be a preacher?"

It was definitely Gideon and his friend Clay, the Classics major -- really, who majored in Latin? -- sitting with their backs to them, playing a "How well do you know your partner" game with two girls, one with pink hair. 

"They must be here as allies.  See, they're with their girlfriends."  Why hadn't Gideon mentioned having a girlfriend?

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

The Answer to the Naked Man's Question

 

Today summer lasts for 12 weeks; I can see its beginning and end.  But when I was nine years old, lasted for months or years, or never ended: somewhere it's still that childhood summer, an endless succession of days, all bright green and dazzling.  

A week in Indiana, visiting my parents' family.

A week camping in Minnesota and Canada.  

Nazarene summer camp.  

Swimming lessons at Longview Park Pool.

The bookmobile every Tuesday. 

The Denkmann School Carnival.

  

Malts at Country Style. 

Vacation Bible School

Gold Key comic books at Schneider's Drug Store.

Dark Shadows.  H.R. Pufnstuf.  Tarzan Theater.

Posters of teen idols.

And the Naked Man's Question:

 All on a golden afternoon, probably a Saturday in July, in my Grandma's farmhouse in northern Indiana.  It's a big house, white frame.  The living room is pink, with flowered wall paper and thick drapes.

My brother and I are alone.  I don't remember why.  Maybe Mom and Dad have gone off somewhere, on an expedition of their own, leaving Grandma Davis to babysit, and she has stepped out.

We have just come in from something or other -- puttering around in the apple orchard, playing fetch with the dogs next door, exploring the old barn where Grandpa used to milk cows.  We kick off our shoes at the door.  

Maybe we're going to head up to our room which happens to be Dad's old room, with his pictures and schoolbooks and baseball glove), or up to the attic to sort through the bundles of old magazines in search of comic books.

I stop in front of the tv set, a big piece of furniture, wood-brown, with curved pillars on the sides.  There's an empty candy dish and a photo of my Cousin Phil on top. 

At our house the tv is almost always on, whether anyone is watchng or not, a stable, comforting background noise.  But Grandma keeps it off unless someone wants to watch a specific program.  It seems unnatural, wrong somehow.

I reach down and turn it on.

Kenny asks "What do you want to watch?"

I shrug. "I don't know.  Maybe Tarzan Theater."  On Saturday afternoons in Rock Island, when there isn't a game on, you can see old Tarzan and Bomba the Jungle Boy movies.

The black and white screen flickers, and then pops on.  A game.

I turn it to the next channel.  Some people talking.

"Find some cartoons," Kenny suggests.

There are only three channels, so only three choices.  I turn to the third.

A naked man.

In my memory he's naked, although he was probably wearing a leotard.  Shirtless, though, with taut hard pecs and very thick hard biceps.

You never saw naked or even shirtless men on tv in those days, except in Tarzan movies, so I stand dumbstruck, frozen in place, realizing that I will remember this moment forever.

"What's this?" Kenny asks.

The naked man twirls and high-steps, bulging his bare calves, across a bare stage to a young blond woman.  Then, dancing a sort of tap dance, he asks "Who....are...youuuuuu?"

She starts a tap dance of her own, dances in front of him, and says "I....don't...know. Who...are...youuuuu?"

He stops dancing and glowers at her, his eyes dark, and replies.  "I am the Magic Mushroom."

At that moment, Grandma appears at the window leading to the kitchen.  "There's nothing for kids on now," she says. "Turn the tv off."

"Wait...I..."  I begin.   But Kenny obligingly turns it off.  

"Now who wants to help me bake a pie for dinner tonight?"

All in a golden afternoon.

More after the break