One of the iconic movies of my childhood (seen on tv, of course) was If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium, about the adventures of a group of wacky American tourists abroad. The Spanish tv series If it's Tuesday, it's Murder (Si es Martes, es Asesinato) is probably not a homage, but I'm watching it anyway.
Scene 1: Monday: In a tiny restroom, a hunky guy (Alejandro Garcia, left) changes out of his bloodstained clothes (nice bulge) and into a suit. He tells us "This isn't what it looks like -- or maybe it is."
A group of mismatched Spanish tourists are boarding the bus for a trip to Lisbon (seven hours from Madrid):
1.-3. Fabio from the restroom. A teenage girl and her drag queen buddy swoon over him.
4-7.. An elderly Miss Marple in a wheelchair, traveling with her hunky son, her daughter, and her young adult grandson (Alvero de Juana, left). They all dislike her.
8.. A young woman wearing headphones seems suspicious of everyone.
9.-11. Neurodivergent Daniel (Biel Montoro, left), who is arguing with the bus driver about the proper route. A woman calls him "sweetheart" and "my love," which in the U.S. would mean a romantic partner, but she looks old enough to be his mother.
12, Cristina, the tour guide, who divulges too much about discovering her husband's affair and 25-year old daughter by the other woman. Hopefully this will become important later.
And several others.
13. Four hours later, they reach Badajoz, near the Portuguese border. They stop to pick up another tourist (Pedro Casablanc, left), an elderly guy in a 1940s bow tie and fedora.
Scene 2: Two hours later, they arrive in Lisbon, and stop at Praça do Comércio, Commerce Plaza, on the Tagus River. A lady asks Suspicious Girl to take her photo, but Dreamy Fabio is in the background. He rushes off so he won't be in the picture. Later she is almost hit by a car while crossing the street, but Fedora Guy pulls her out of the way.
Daniel refuses to get off the bus because this stop is not on the itinerary: "Something's not right."
His hunch is correct: The hotel lost Tour Guide Cristina's reservations, so she's scrounging for something at the last minute.
All the agent has: The Marquez, a horrible pink block under the train tracks.
The Manager (Paulo Pires, butt and back cock left) gives them the tour: "It's been a hospital, a convent, a prison, an opium den, even a brothel . It survived the 1755 earthquake and tsunami, when every other building in Lisbon was destroyed."
Scene 3: They retreat to their rooms.
Photo-taking lady gets mysterious messages from someone planning to meet her in Lisbon.
Daniel arranges his desk properly, while his parents put up the paintings he needs. He's definitely queer coded.
The staff brought Fabio's suitcase into Suspicious Girl's room by mistake. She opens it: clothes, ring, watch, a lot of cash, and a check. Before she can investigate further, he knocks to retrieve it.
More after the break. Caution: Explicit.