"This F*king Town": This f*king gay-free Hollywood. But I included some celebs that I hooked up with...I mean met.

  

Whilc looking at Tony Cavalero's work on the IMDB,  I found This Fucking Town, a TV short about "actors looking for love and work in L.A."   When I lived in West Hollywood, about half my friends were "actors looking for love and work" so I tried to check it out.  But it didn't seem to exist.  Tubi and Roku advertised it, but "content isn't available."  A rave revew made it sound like an entire web series, not just a short, but the links provided led to "content unavailable."

Finally I found it as a movie on Amazon Prime, and rented it out of sheer frustration. It starts out ok, with Mark (Michael Mark Friedman) flexing and Jeremy (Gregory Holt, left) dancing in his underwear, displaying a sizeable bulge. They meet up.  Heading to a party, Jeremy is worried meeting someone new: they always dump him the moment they discover that he has a huge penis.  Really?  

At the party, Jeremy runs into his ex, Caitlin, who thinks all actors are pathetic losers.  She took a witchcraft class and put a spell on him, to ensure that he will never find work (conicidentally, Tony's wife Annie is a magick practitioner).  

Jeremy sneers that her new guy, Brett (Tony Cavalero), is an actor, too, but Caitlin counters that he's a personal trainer.  "So you hold people's feet while they do sit-ups!".  Brett calls him a "dick." and stomps off.

That's all for Tony Cavalero: one word.  

Then the movie turns into a soap opera about heterosexual relationships, with six lengthy kissing scenes amid discussions of auditions and roles.  No more beefcake, and no LGBT people exist. Ugh!

But there are some celebrity bulges and butts after the break.

"Broad City": This ain't your Daddy's "Seinfeld."

I highly recommend Broad City (2014-19), about the adventures of two women in contemporary New York: the effervescent "let's get high and climb the Empire State Building" Ilana and the stick-in-the-mud "I can't -- I have to decide on a color scheme for the bathroom tile" Abbi.  

Episodes are built around the trivial annoyances of everyday life: 

Accidentally leaving your cell phone in a hookup's apartment, when you don't want to see him again.

Offering to wait to sign for a package for your neighbor, but it never arrives, and you're stuck.

Spending all day in the ice cream shop because you can't decide which flavor to get.

Telling your sex partner that you want to "switch" positions, but he thinks it means something else.

Washing your boyfriend's favorite dildo in the dishwasher, only to have it melted, then scouring the sex shops to find a replacement.

Wait...um...

This ain't your daddy's Seinfeld.

Instead of a street on the back lot in Studio City, Broad City features beautiful exteriors in Manhattan.  The gang visits everywhere from Grand Central Station to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Instead of sex off camera, the girls and their friends are doing the deed in front of you. Lots of bare chests and butts.

Seinfeld was informed by homophobic anxiety about LGBT people, or attempts to get them to "switch teams (Kramer successfully converted a lesbian, but Elaine couldn't convert a gay man because she wasn't good enough in bed).  But in Broad City, LGBT characters are fully integrated into story without comment. Ilana herself is bisexual, with a crush on Abbi, but they don't let it get in the way of their friendship.  

Instead of guys taking their shirts off three times in ten years, Broad City is overloaded with hunks.

Ilana's gang includes:

1. Lincoln (Hannibal Buress), Ilana's regular sex partner.  In the first episode, she face-times Abbi while having sex with him.

Lincoln's butt.

2. Jaime (Arturo Castro), her roommate, who is gay and unapologetically slutty, until he gets a boyfriend/

Gemstone connection: Tony Cavalero and Arturo Castro are friends, and will be starring together in the upcoming Operation Taco Gary's

 Jaime's butt

More dicks and butts after the break

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Boner pills, Death Water, dildos, and "Why the hell not?"

 

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Tony Cavalero.  I've already posted the available dick and butt photos, but not to worry, there are some dicks and butts of other guys.

1. "I'll be home late.  They want to re-shoot the scene with my cock out, so half the crew will be asking for a close-up.

2. You post these beefcake photos, and expect me to settle down?  Dude, that's impossible.

3. Tony plays a hijacker on an episode of the spy spoof Archer. Kayvan Novak plays Fabian Kingsworth, the head of a rival agency.

4. In Keep Hope Alive, a progressive senatorial candidate dies, and her aides, Tony and Timothy Granaderos, try to Weekend-at-Bernies her. 

5. "I thought dildos were supposed to be bigger than your dick."

6. You definitely want this photo of Tony in an "American born and bred" t-shirt, his belly and underwear showing, drinking Liquid Death water under the Hollywood sign.  Don't pretend that you don't.

More Tony after the break. Warning: Explicit

Keefe's Capacious Cock, Part 2: The Mushroom Head

 

Tony Cavalero asks: "Will you be wearing pants after dinner?"  Gee, Tony, why don't we wait, and see how the evening goes?

Ok, he's really referring to the belt-tightening of Thanksgiving Dinner.  

Maybe.

He got the photo from The Righteous Gemstones Season 1, when Keefe comes out of the house without pants, accidentally showing the siblings his junk. Apparently he forgot to put his pants back on after serving Kelvin "dessert."

In case you haven't seen a close-up before.  It's not really a mushroom head, just obscured at the base.  I can't tell if it's a prosthetic or not.

And his butt

See also: Keefe's Capacious Cock

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: A leather jockstrap, an isolation tank, a sausage god, and honeymoon with the hubbie

Tony Cavalero's Magick

Tony Cavalero's Magick, with bonus neopagan penises

Remember that on The Righteous Gemstones, Keefe was a Satanist before Kelvin brought him to Christ?  Actually, it was more of a Goth/ fetish subculture that chanted "Hail Satan" for its shock value. 

Here Tony finds a copy of Devil's Food: A Satanic Cookbook  "in Keefe's storage unit." Good thinking: when you move in with a boyfriend, always keep the stuff from your old apartment, just in case.

It's a real book, written by Adam Ostrofsky (aka A Moveable Beast, har har), who runs a Satanism-infused catering company.  

The recipes are serious, not parodies: smoked salmon chowder, butternut squash  farroto,  red beet hummus, pommes robochon.  hominy veggie burgers with potato buns.

Many people confuse Satanism with paganism, but Satanists revere Satan, usually as a symbol, while pagans revere the old gods of Europe, or the archtypal Goddess. They practice magick with a k, rituals designed to become attuned to the power of the universe, not to turn people into aardvarks.

 For instance, 20% of Latvians practice Dievturiba, "living in harmony with the gods," and most Estonians draw spiritual practices from Maausk ("Earth Belief").

The Cavaleros don't mention spirituality much on their social media sites, but they are at least pagan-friendly.  Here Annie promotes Grimoire Girl, by Hilarie Burton Morgan, "A meditation on finding as much meaning in the small moments as in the big, illuminating the enchantment and wonder and goodness in the everyday."

Bonus: nude neopagans, or at least guys from Estonia:

"Double Vision": Based on the Foreigner song, with nude pics of Gideon and Keefe

Gideon has had a crush on Keefe for two years.  During the Kelvin/Keefe breakup, he sees his chance to move out of the friend zone. He hopes.

Feelin' down and dirty,

Feelin' kinda mean

I've been from one to the other extreme

Fill my eyes with that double vision

No disguise for that double vision

When  it gets through to me, it's always new to me

My double vision gets the best of me

Today I had a good time,

But I ain't got time to wait

I want to stick around till I can't see straight

More after the break

Willie Aames: Nude photos of the "Charles in Charge" buddy, the "Paradise" hunk, and Bibleman

 

Teen idol Willie Aames had an amazing physique, back in the day, and a rather impressive bulge.

Other than Charles in Charge (1984-90), he is best known for Paradise (1982), a knockoff of Blue Lagoon, with none of the scintillating dialogue or intriguing plot (ok, I'm joking.  Blue Lagoon didn't have those things, either.)

But you did get to see Willie's willie.

I'm not usually into butts, but he has some nice pulchritude, and the penis isn't bad.

An underwater closeup shows his penis with some shrinkage.

More Willie butt.

Shortly after Paradise, Willie found God and devoted himself to Christian projects, so there were no more nude scenes.  But sometimes the little guy popped out.

Gemstone connection: one of my Facebook friends of friends claimed that Bible Man was played by Keefe (Tony Cavalero).

But I'm pretty sure it was Willie Aames

See also: The Other Two, Episode 1.6: Cary goes shirtless, Chase twerks, and there's enough bulges and butts for everyone

Keefe's Capacious Cock

Nude Photos of Christopher Atkins

When We First Met: Adam time-travels and bulges to win the Girl. Plus a Kelvin/Keefe moment.

 

I've reviewed a lot of Adam Devine's work, looking for gay subtexts, and he does not disappoint: nearly every movie is loaded with homoerotic interest.  Even romcoms where he wins The Girl of His Dreams.

So I'm anxious to review When We First Met (2018).   Check out the poster (below): it looks like Adam is trying to keep the Girl and his rival from kissing, but you can also read it as Adam trying to decide between his rival and the Girl.

Scene 1: November 1, 2017. Beautiful establishing shots of New Orleans (except no French Quarter).  A fancy party.  Noah (Adam Devine) is gazing at Avery (a woman), who is gushing over the fact three years ago today, she met "someone special."  Aww, are they engaged? 

Flashback to October 31, 2014. Wait, she said exactly three years ago.  This is three years and a day. A Halloween party.  Amid all the guests in sexy costumes, we see Noah dressed as super-nerd Garth from Wayne's World.  That's no way to pick up chicks.

Whoa, when he walks past Tony Cavalero  (Keefe), dressed as Angus Young of AC/DC, he stops to grin.  Precognition much?   You'll be falling in love with him next year. He then has a spilled-drink meet-cute with Avery, and guesses that she is dressed as Tom Hanks.  Even I know that's a bad move, and I haven't tried to pick up a girl since...well, ever.

She guesses that Noah is her lesbian cousin, then changes to Garth.  Yep: "The key to doing a good Garth impression is to make your  mouth into a tiny butthole." Dude, watching you flub like this is almost painful.  At least he takes the Garth-wig and glasses off so she can see his intense gorgeousness.  Maybe that will counteract his faux-pas.

Scene 2: Yep: as they watch the male-female couples making out, she asks "Do you want to get out of here?"  Translation: "You're a goofball, but incredibly hot. Let's have sex."  But first  he takes her to the jazz club where he works.  He plays the piano, makes funny faces and sings "You Make Me Wanna Shout."   Not going to get you laid, Dude.  Then get their picture taken in a mysterious photo booth. 

Back to her place, but instead of getting sexy, Noah wants to play foosball and eat Cookie Crisp cereal.  Dude, why do you keep stalling? This is the way gay guys act with their female friends.  Eventually he moves in for a kiss.

Back to 2017: Avery tells the crowd, "And that's when I realized that I was in love."  Wait -- she's engaged to Ethan (Robbie Amell).  She must have met him on November 1st, the morning after her hookup with Noah (who is smiling to put a brave front on his broken heart).  So he's been in the friend zone for three years, while Avery was with another guy?  Shouldn't he have given up and moved on long ago? 

Noah drinks a lot and throws up.  Avery and Ethan go into the bathroom to see what's wrong.  He claims food poisoning, while looking at Avery with a lovelorn expression that anyone would notice instantly.  Ethan gives him some crackers and mineral water -- he really cares about the guy -- then kisses Avery, which makes Noah even sicker.  She asks her plain-jane roommate to give him a ride home.

Scene 3: Instead of home, Noah asks the plain-jane roommate to take him to his jazz-club workplace, where we meet his Best Bud (King Bach) (identified as absurdly hetero-horny from his first line). 

He explains what happened back on October 31st, 2014: he moved in for a kiss, but Avery gave him a hug instead, saying how nice it was to have a guy friend: "I left never knowing where I went wrong."  Got an hour or so?  I have a list.

 He figured he'd get a second chance, but the very next day, "fate kicked me in the ball sack." Avery was shopping for Cookie Crisp cereal, when Ethan appeared in her aisle, a shirtless winged centaur!  Whoa -- if for some reason they didn't want to share and I had to pick one,   it's be Robbie.  Sure, Adam is one of the most handsome men on the planet, and he has a spectacular cock, but in between, Robbie Amell's got the goods.    

Darn, I was so busy commenting on the first two scenes that I'm out of space, and we haven't even gotten to the time-travel plot.  Noah returns to the photo booth and keeps getting zapped back to Halloween 2014 for a day. He goes to the party (interacting with Cavalero's Angus Young every time), and tries different strategies: knowing everything about Avery; being nice; being a jerk; being career-driven.  Either things go terribly wrong, or else he gets Avery and everyone is miserable when he returns to 2017.  Guess who he ends up with, Avery, Ethan, the plain-jane roommate, or the best bud?

Beefcake:  All three of the male stars shirtless, plus Adam's bulge when he's wearing leather pants.

Gay Characters: None, not even in crowd scenes.  Two references: Avery mentions her lesbian cousin, and Noah asks if she is at the Halloween party as a "tranny" (when he's being a jerk).

Gay Subtext:  Occasionally guys will be told "get a room!" when they look too chummy.

When the Best Bud is showing Noah how to look sexy, Cavalero gives him a double-take.  A blink-and-you-miss-it moment, and very, very subtle, but as gay as it gets. 

My Grade: Ordinarily I would mark points off for the lack of LGBT representation or subtexts, but Adam is just too much fun to watch.  Not only because of his hotness -- he carries every scene, and he's friggin' hilarious.  I can't recall when I've laughed so much in a hetero romcom. B+

Bonus: Robbie Amell bulge.

Another bulge.  He has not yet shown us his penis, but you can get a good idea

And his butt

Adam Devine's Birthday Blowj...I mean Blow-out

 

In honor of Adam Devine's 40th birthday,  here's a photo of him at the beach, displaying an unusually buffed physique.

A clip of Adam performing on Live at Gotham in 2008, when he was just out of college:  He riffs on ramen noodles, gorilla farts, the term "juicy," masturbating in your grandma's house, why he wants to be famous (it involves picking up chicks), and why his friends try to kill him on his birthday.

Of course, I had to include shot of Keefe giving Kelvin a birthday blowj ,,,I mean, helping him put on his underwear.

More after the break

"Fit hot guys have problems, too."

See also: Keefe's Capacious Cock

Keefe's Capacious Cock, Part 2: The Mushroom Head

Redeeming Dave: Church for losers includes Tony Cavalero, a drag queen, and a porn star. With nude Ryan Hughes

 

Redeeming Dave was a 2012 tv pilot by Dominic Russo (one of the creators of Workaholics). Comedian Aaron Rice starred as Dave, a guy who fails at everything, so he starts a church for losers.  Tony Cavalero played his friend Josh.

Who belongs to this church for losers?  An infographic word cloud in the show's trailer tells us: a smart ass, an ex, a police officer, a drag queen, a Sunday school teacher, a stripper, a bartender, and a failure.

The pilot is not available to be streamed, but Dominic Russo brings it up during an interview about  Workaholics, and shows us two scenes:

In the first, Dave and Josh discuss how the "he/she has a tiny little baby dick."  "He/She" is transphobic, of course. Then she walks by, and they are embarrassed.

" I'm wondering if the "drag queen" is actually a trans woman.

In the second scene, Josh is telling a grade school class that his friend got a hamster shoved all the way up his butt.  This is based on the homophobic urban legend that gay men like shoving rodents up there.

I can't really tell if the pilot is homophobic or transphobic based on two brief scenes, but since these were the scenes that Dominic Russo used to draw viewer interest, it seems likely that gay/trans identity was going to be a major focus.

The cast list includes Ryan Hughes as "Racist Cop" (must be one of the losers in the church).  I don't know if it's the same Ryan Hughes featured in Adonis Male in 2017, but just to be on the safe side, here are some nude pics: