"Teacup": Body-jumping aliens, two heterosexual romances, a gay subtext boyfriend betrayal, and Rob's knob

Probably-gay actor Jackson Kelley notes that he had a starring role in the paranormal horror Teacup, on Peacock. I figured he would be playing a gay character, so I checked it out.

The premise: On a farm full of good country folk, animals start behaving strangely, then people start trembling and speaking in riddles.  The power and WIFI go out. 

An invisible "teacup" trap marked by a blue line appears around the property; any person or animal that crosses it dies a horrible death.  A guy in a gas mask keeps patroling and gesturing.  Sound doesn't get through, so he uses a board to say things like: "Stay behind the line" and "Trust no one" 

The people trapped inside the "teacup" are divided into heterosexual nuclear families:

Family #1: James (Scott Speedman, left, from Animal Kingdom), his wife (a veterinarian), sick elderly mother, teenage daughter, and preteen son.

Family #2: Ruben (Chaske Spencer from Twilight), his wife, and his teeange son, trapped there when they brought their horse to see the veterinarian.   

Soap opera plotlines: The wife is secretly having an affair with James, and the son has been in love with James' daughter since he was in second grade, but is trapped in the Friend Zone (but not for long). 

Family #3: Donald Kelley (Boris McGiver. left) and his wife from the farm next door also happen to be there when the teacup is  put up.

The Newcomers: While everyone is dealing with the crisis and soap opera stuff, preteen Arlo (Caleb Dolden) tells his sister and her not-boyfriend that the Assassin is coming to kill them all.  The only way they can escape is with a multicolored liquid from a crashed meteor, so they gather a vial full.

Gas Mask Guy wants the vial, and crosses the blue line to get it, whereupon they stab him.  

Meanwhile, James finds the injured Travis (Jackson) hiding in the basement, worried that he's "one of them" and ready to shoot.  As they have a standoff, Travis tells his story:

Gas Mas Guy at a Bar: Flashback to Travis as the new guy working at the bar, mesmerized by Gas Mask Guy, McNab (Rob Morgan).  Wouldn't you be?

Left: Rob Morgan having coffee n*ude.  But he doesnt' have a lot of tattoos; maybe it's his breakfast companion?

He's telling about the aliens who set force-field "teacup" traps that incinerate any complex organism that tries to get through.  They're non-corporeal, using human bodies as hosts.  They can jump from body to body.  Often the humans aren't even aware of it, so anyone could be hosting an alien.

Bartender Big Al tells Travis to pay attention to the other customers; he'll wait on McNab himself.

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Nude photos of Joaquin Phoenix: Skip the downer movies and check out his junk. With bonus Marky Mark and Kieran Culkin

 

Everyone in Wilton Manors saw Igby Goes Down in 2002: the trailer and the title made it sound like a gay coming-out story with a lot of "going down," har har.  Actually there's no gay content at all.  Igby is a sarcastic 17 year old with an institutionalized stepfather and a dying mother (first rule of fiction: somebody always must be dying or dead).  He hooks up with his biological father's "heroin-addicted trophy mistress" and her "terminally bored" friend before euthanizing his mom and getting the heck out of Dodge.

Imagine sitting in the theater expecting a lot of gay sex, and seeing...this.  We were so disgusted that we vowed to never see anything else that the actor appeared in.  20 years later, I didn't even remember his name.

Until I saw this nude photo from Edgerton (2025).  During the COVID pandemic, small-town sheriff Joe Cross disapproves of the mayor's mask edict, so he runs against him, then kills him and his Black-Lives-Matter son, and is eventually killed himself.  

I recognized him as the star of Igby, Joaquin Phoenix, still churning out downer movies.  

Joaquin Phoenix is straight, with several girlfriends and a kid.  And apparently homophobic; he was scheduled to play a gay guy who flees to Mexico with his boyfriend, but "got cold feet" and backed out five days before filming was to begin.

But he has a big cock, so instead of a profile, I'll check to see where he's shown it off 

Beau is Afraid (2023): One of those surreal indie films with a nonsensical plot.  A lot of people die, including Beau's mother, his father, a girl he is having sex with, and eventually Beau himself. We get a blurry dotado as he is being traumatized by something or other.  

Napoleon (2023): The butt of the Emperor of France, who made vassal states of practically every country in Europe. And since this was the Age of Colonialism, practically every country in the world.  When he wasn't having "energetic sex" with his wife and mistresses.

A butt crack (not shown) in The Master (2012): World War II vet has problems, joins a cult, drops out, has sex with women. 

A backside in The Yards (2000): A union organizer goes to work for the Mob, kills some people, buddies with Mark Wahlberg, has sex with girls.  Of course his girlfriend dies.  

Bonus: Mark Wahlberg's backside.

Igby-style chest in Return to Paradise (1998): A tourist in Malaysia is arrested for hashish possession and sentenced to death, unless his friends turn themselves in. Vince Vaughn agrees, but Joaquin is executed anyway.

There are lots of movies where people don't die, buddy. 

Wait -- what happened to Igby?  From 2000 to 2003, Joaquin starred in The Yards, Gladiator, Signs, It's All About Love, Quills, and Brother Bear, but no Igby Goes Down.

Turns out that Igby was played by Kieran Culkin.  A natural mistake -- the guys looked alike in their youth, and they both prefer roles in downer movies, with lots of sex with girls and people dying, often at the same time. 

And both have big cocks.

But Kieran's career is a little more gay-positive.  He played the sassy roommate in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and a human in love with Skyler Gisondo as a bat-alien on Solar Opposites.

See also:Solar Opposites Episode 4.9: Skyler Gisondo plays a muscular bat-alien with a human boyfriend, plus Thomas Middleditch penis

Richie Rich joins a gym. With bonus Rory and Kieran cocks, and Kelvin Gemstone Comics

Peter Billingsley: The lingerie lamp kid, a Beverly Hills brat, Whips, ropes, and perhaps Peter's peter

Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: Jizz, penises, bodybuilders, and Duck Tales

Previous: Adam's hot/hung photos, Part 2: Gold's Gym, biceps, ben wa balls, and 69

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Adam Devine, star of The Righteous Gemstones, Workaholics, and about everything else.

1. Multitasking by writing new jokes in the shower.

2. The fastest Adam has jizzed with a chick is seven seconds.  

I get it -- you want to finish as soon as possible.  With a guy, you can take your time. 

3. In Magic Camp, Adam plays a failed magician trying to re-ignite his career.  Aldis Hodge plays the father of one of the magic camp campers.

4. Get pumped in Ashland.

5.  Do you notice a pattern here?

6. In Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, Kumail Nanjiali plays a masseur who performs a naked tantric massage on his female client.

More after the break.  Warning: explicit.

Theo Taplitz: Jewish homophobe, gay kid, wyrm, artist, filmmaker, with some cocks and butts, and a lot of "after the death of"

  

Having had a Jewish partner for ten years, I get sort of nostalgic for Jewish culture, so  when a cute guy appeared on the icon of Bad Shabbos (2024), I clicked without doing any research.   I found three siblings and their partners preparing for Shabbos dinner with their upscale New York parents.

1. David (John Bass, seen here nude in Baywatch) and his shiksha-but-converting girlfriend Beth.  Her parents from Wisconsin are coming, too, and he is worried that they will "freak out."  It's dinner with prayers, what's the big deal?

The security guard downstairs tells the girlfriend to be sure to sit next to Ritchie, because "He's the shit."  So I kept waiting for Ritchie to arrive.  But no such person appears in the cast list. 

2. Abby and her boyfriend Benjamin (Ashley Zukerman), who hate each other.  He actually hates and insults everything.

3. The third sibling, Adam (Theo Taplitz), is still a teenager, in his room, working out to strobe lights and techno music.  David cautions that his future in-laws are from Wisconsin, not used to families arguing, like New York Jewish families do, so play it cool.

"But what about Benjamin?  The way he insults me!  Do I have to be polite to that slimy cocks*ck?"

"Yes, even to that...um...cocks*ck."

"Ok, I'll try.  But if that cheating cocks*ck starts something, I can't promise that I won't defend myself!"

Ok, three homophobic slurs in ten seconds.  I'm out.  But I wanted to know about Theo Taplitz, who so easily agreed to batter around homophobic slurs and insult LGBT viewers.

An article in Adroit gives his biography: Born in Laurel Canyon in 2003, attended the Los Angeles High School for the Arts, became a Scholastic Art and Writing National Gold Medalist twice, graduated in 2021.  

Enrolled at Columbia University as a John Jay Scholar, probably graduated in 2025.  His work "explores the middle ground between objective and subjective experience and the ruptures that occur in that unstable territory."  Um...does this explain why you're ok with homophobic slurs?

He's got 15 writing/directing credits on the IMDB, beginning when he was 13.  Quite a prodigy, but.....

True Places Never Are (2015): A boy trapped in sadness...next!

Requiem for Mr. Cromwell (2016). A boy trapped in sadness...again?

Dybbuk (2017): his little brother plays the dybbuk

Goodbye, Sam (2018): Sam is a dead parrot.

This House Has Eyes (2019): The eyes are watching a father and son at the end of the world.

Grey Heart (2019): After the death of...  When I was studying Creative Writing, they told me that the first rule of short fiction is: someone has to die or be dead.

Gable (2023): A young man uses the voice of Clark Gable to communicate with his catatonic grandfather.  Darn, I thought it would be about the House of the Seven Gables.

I'm getting depressed.  Let's get Theo's butt in here.  And there's nothing particularly homophobic about the content so far.

Theo has 17 acting credits on the IMDB, but they are mostly the shorts he wrote and directed.  Only a few other projects:

Little Men (2016): After the death of -- well, who cares, all fiction must have someone dead -- Jake (Theo) and his parents become the owners of an apartment building. He becomes friends with Tony (Michael Barbieri), whose mother has a dress shop downstairs.  They help each other out; Tony even defends Jake when bulllies "insult his sexuality."  Of course, being called "gay" is a horrible insult, because gay people are so horrible, right?  But Jake's dad decides to triple the rent; Tony's mom can't pay, and is evicted.  And of course the boys can no longer be friends.

More after the break