Matthew Underwood: The "Zoey 101" It-Boy Logan plays himself again and again...and again, posts dick pics. With bonus Noah Beck

 

The internet was all agog over pictures of Matthew Underwood's penis.  I wasn't impressed.  First, the guy doens't even show his face.  Second, he rubs me the wrong way.  I can't quite remember how.

Oh, yeah.  It's that annoying smugness.  It's one thing to be heterosexual -- lots of guys are.  It's another to brag about it.  "I'm so entirely heterosexual, I'm the most heterosexual of all heterosexuals, I can heterosexualize anywhere, anytime.  Every girl wants to be with me, and every guy wants to be me."

It's not just his character: this photo came directly from Matt's Instagram, posted in 2025.

Born in "The Sunshsine State of Florida" in 1990, Matt began acting at the age of eight, and appeared on screen in some guest spots before hitting paydirt in Zoey 101 (2005-08).

Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) and her brother Dustin (Paul Butcher) are students at the prestigious Pacific Coast Academy, filmed on location in Malibu instead of on a sound stage.  Her coterie includes:

1. Logan (Matthew Underwood),  the fabulously wealthy son of a famous actor, an it-boy who is basking in the absurdly exaggerated longing of every girl who sees him.  Eventually he settles down with the nerd Quinn (see, looks aren't everything).

2. Chase (Sean Flynn, left), in love with Zoey but trapped in the "friend zone."  Eventually, she realizes that she is in love with him, but then she leaves him again.

2. Michael (Christopher Massey, right), mostly in charge of advising Chase to admit his feelings, although he eventually gets a girlfriend of his own.

Matt reveals that just after Zoey, when he was 19, he was sexually harassed and then assaulted by his agent. The trauma prompted him to move away from Los Angeles and retire from acting.

He returned in 2017 to direct and star in two tv pilots with Sean Flynn, playing themselves: The Magic Studio, about kids who find magic rings, and The Golden Stars, about missing award statues. 

And some shorts: Time Hoppers (2018), Matt and Sebastian Cabanas in silly costumes.

The Alien (2019): Matt (playing himself) and some girls meet a classic grey.

The Unicorn Sisters (2019): Matt helps some grieving girls write poetry. 

Kind of full of yourself, aren't you, Matt?

He appears with some girls in Remi (2021) and with the entire Zoey gang in the Jamie Spears music video Follow Me (2020).

Noah Beck plays an alternative Logan.  No, I don't think that the penis is real.

Matt returned to the Zoey universe in Zoey 102 (2023): A struggling 32 year old film producer, Zoey is asked to be maid of honor at Quinn and Logan's wedding.  It took them 14 years to get married?  She also resolves her feelings for Chase.  After 14 years, he's moved on, girlfriend.

Matt's social media is mostly generic, landscapes, weird jokes, boating, pictures taken with the Zoey gang. He is currently single, his last heterosexual relationship (that he told fans about) in 2015. 

Ready for the cock pics?  #1: Impressive size, but the physique is nondescript, and dude doesn't even show his face.

#2: Full arousal.  This must be from a different session, since he's wearing pants.

3. I censored a silly emoji.

Not bad, but I'd rather see Noah Beck's abs.

See also:  Shane Harper: the "Good Luck Charlie" and "God's Not Dead" guy shows his dick surprisingly often

Nathan Kress, Freddie from ICarly, grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his dick?

"Malibu Rescue": Ricardo Hurtado hits the beach for a retro 1980s nerd-jock battle, with bonus lifeguard photos

Michael Yerger: Bragging incessantly about being heterosexual while doing gay porn.

I was looking for beefcake photos of Joel Rush, who played Sky, the God Squad muscleman who shoves his dock through the glory hole at Keefe in Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.6, and I sumbled upon lookalike Michael Yerger, center:born in 1998 in Knoxville, appeared on the reality shows Survivor and Survivor: Ghost Island  in 2018, now a real estate broker and model,  represented by DT Model Management.  

He's bulked up a bit since 2018.

The first photos I saw of him were nudes, for gay sites like MMScene and Instinct. 

 First a rather tame semi-dick shot.

And a side-view, covering his cock.

More after the break

The New Doctor Who, Season 2: The gay doctor fights robots and cartoon characters, and gets a girlfriend. With bonus Groff and Projectionist penises

The latest Doctor Who, that  time-and-space faring adventurer from the planet Gallifrey (played by Ncuti Gatwa), is the first to be black, and although there have been bisexual hints in the past, the first to be gay.  In Episode 1.6, he even gets a boyfriend, an interdimensional bounty hunter named Rogue (Jonathhan Groff, left).

At least, he was gay in the first season. 

I watched the first two episodes of Season 2, and I am sorry to report that the gay guy has turned straight.

In Episode 2.1, "The Robot Revolution," the teenage Belinda Chandra receives a gift from her sort-of boyfriend: a star.  It seems that you can "buy" a star and get a certificate stating that it's yours.  They break up soon after.  

17 years pass, and one night gigantic robots arrive to force Belinda to become the queen of "her" planet.  Apparently the certificate was a binding contract.

Left: Robert Strange plays the head robot.

To complicate things, the robots have taken control of the world.  Humans are forced into smiling servitude.  

The Doctor, stranded on the planet for the last six months, is starting a revolt with a squad of hunky humans, including Caleb Hughes and Max Parker, left.  

Soon into the revolt, the Doctor's girlfriend is killed.  Grieving, he explains that when he first arrived on the planet, she took him in and explained the situation.  "She took care of me.  She was wonderful."   The other freedom fighters tell him to buck up, they have a world to save.

The robots announce that Belinda is to marry the great AI Generator, who turns out to be the ex-boyfriend (Jonny Green, left), merged with a machine.  Belinda dumped him due to his controlling behavior, and this is the only way he could think of to get back together again. Maybe send her flowers?

So this was all about heterosexual romance?  They had an episode with an astronaut and his husband.  Two of the Doctor's companions have been lesbians.  How the mighty have fallen.

The Doctor and Belinda save the day.  Belinda asks to be taken home, but his space-and-time ship, the TARDIS, refuses to go to the day she left.  Maybe the next day?

In Episode 1.2, "Lux," some people are watching a movie in 1952 Miami.  Before the main feature, there's a cartoon featuring Mr. Ring-a-Ding, whose catchphrase is "Don't make me laugh!"  While he is busily romancing Sally Sunshine (yes, another hetero-romance), he jumps off the screen to scream at the audience.

Enter the Doctor and Belinda, taking a detour on the way home.  They notice that the theater door is chained, as if there's a wild beast inside.  

More after the break

Chi Lewis-Parry: The "28 Years Later" zombie, kickboxer, gladiator, and Gelf has gay fans and a lot of inches.

 Now that 28 Years Later is streaming, we can get better screen shots of Samson, an Alpha: a bigger, stronger, more sentient, and well-nigh indestructable zombie, who strides across the ruins of Scotland with his semi-sentient pack,  tearing off survivors' heads, chasing Jamie and his son Spike (Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Alfie Williams) and being studied by Dr. Kelson (Ralph Fiennes). 

Did you notice the homoerotic energy in the interactions between Samson and Dr. Kelson? A definite appreciation of the muscleman beneath the zombie.  Under other circumstances, they might have become boyfriends.

Samson caused a lot of pearl-clutching among skittish heterosexuals because he was naked, with his gigantic Samson penis swinging around. Um...he pulls people's heads right out of their bodies, and you're traumatized by a penis?

The gays loved it, of course.  Even Erik (Edvin Ryding) seems impressed.  Under other circumstances, he would be giving Samson head (so to speak). 

 

Left: Edvin getting head as Prince Wilhelm in Young Royals (2021-24).

Actor Chi Lewis-Parry notes that he used a prosthetc.  There's a British law that, when there are kids on the set, you can't show your real willie.  Besides, he's "always hugging people," and you can hardly do that "fully in the nip." 

But in real life he's "Six foot eight inches."

Funny, according to the biography on Tapology, Chi is only 6'7", not 6'8"...oh, right.  Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more. 

Chi was born in 1983 in Hitchin, Hertfordshire, and began his career as basketball player before moving on to kickboxing  and MMA (mixed martial arts).  Using the stage name Chopper,  he competed with the United Arab Emirates Warriors before signing on with the American UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship).  Here he fights the Egyptian Hulk, Mahmoud Hassen, for an eight-second knockout.

In 2015, he posted "I am tenacious, I'm unanimous, I'm infamous, I'm superb, dashing, marvelous, gargantuan, heroic, furious, greatness, fearsome, a winner! Well, that's what my mum told me growing up, so it must be true."

More after the break