The Four Seasons: Elitist New Yorkers discuss True Love, with a gay couple, a lumberjack, Vivaldi, and a n*de Len Cariou



I lived in New York for four years while studying for my Ph.D.  One thing that bothered me was the parochialism, like that New Yorker cover come to life ("View of the World from 9th Avenue," by Saul Steinberg).  Literally everywhere else in the world was a cultural wasteland.

 Everyone always asked "Where are you from?", assuming that the answer would be "Scarsdale" or "Astoria."  I said Illinois:  "Oh, Chicago!  Now that's a second rate city!  Did you eat hot dogs at (snicker, snicker).baseball games?"

"No, my town was on the other side of the state, on the Iowa border."

"Iowa!  Ma and Pa Kettle chawing tobaccy!  How old were you (snicker, snicker) when you first saw one of those newfangled auto-mobiles?"

So I started saying "Los Angeles":   "How dreadfully superficial!  All about mindless movies and puerile television!  Do you watch (snicker, snicker) the A Team?"  

The Four Seasons, on Netflix, gave me a similar vibe: parochial, elitist, condescending, so I never made it through an episode.  But from what I can gather, it features three couples who leave the City (there's only one city) for a weekend getaway Upstate (there's only one state) four times a year.  There they talk in Woody Allen witicisms and discuss romantic love.

The main question is stated in the first episode:  Does each of us get a soulmate, someone chosen by the Universe to make our lives infinitely happy forever, or do we fall in love based on physical attraction and social compatibility, and then work to maintain the relationship?   Each couple will face a crisis that illustrates some aspect of the question.  


As the clickbait links say, the answer will surprise you.  Or not.  It's the theme of every romantic movie ever made.

But you may be surprised to find that one of the couples is gay.


Couple #1, Nick and Anne (Steve Carrell of The Office, left, Kerri Kenney):  What if you no longer love your soulmate?

Nick shocks everyone when he announces that he no longer loves his wife.  "Impossible!  You're soulmates!  You're destined to be together!"

When he dumps her anyway and starts dating the much younger Ginny ("The penis wants what the penis wants), his friends are all devastated.  If a married couple can break up, how does anything have meaning?

 His daughter, who attends an Ivy League College Upstate, maybe Vassar, writes a play in which her callous, unfeeling monster of a father announces: "I hate my daughter so much.  What could I do to cause her the most pain?  I know -- I'll leave my wife, thus destroying the family and making my daughter's life meaningless forever!"

The universe also disapproves of leaving your soulmate, and retaliates by killing Nick.  This leads to the discomfort of having the ex-wife and the horrible trollope he destroyed her life for showing up at the funeral.  Such a negative attitude toward divorce seems extremely retro.   


Couple #2, Danny and Claude (Colman Domingo from Fear the Walking Dead,  famous playwright Marco Calvani, left): What if your soulmate dies?

When Danny is diagnosed with heart disease, he leaves Claude to spare him the agony of seeing his decline and death, but Claude insists on getting back together: they're soulmates, in sickness and health. Someday one of them will die and leave the other alone, but the bereaved spouse will still find infinite happiness in the memory of their time together.

By the way, they have an open relationship, and have their "I'm leaving you so you won't feel pain" argument in the midst of a threesome with the Lumberjack (Jacob Buckenmyer).








Jacob Buckenmyer, seen here in Chippendales, is straight in real life.

More after the break.

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 4, with Zev Andros, Jon DeWalt, and some bonus bodybuilder dicks

 


Now that the wedding and honeymoon are over, we can get back to Tony Cavalero's workouts.

1. With comedian Jon DeWalt.  I didn't put the arrow pointing to Tony's dangly bits.

Jon DeWalt was the producer of The Cool Kids and writer for Undateable.








2. I thought you just played a queen on tv. 












3. You can't skimp on the cardio










4. I'm having trouble thinking of jokes for this photo set.  But what do you want, jokes or dicks?











5.  Leg Day with Zev Andros, a gym boyfriend who I profiled before.  Guys, when you pose like that, I'm not checking out your quads.










6. Zev?  Or at least a Phuket dude.

More after the break

Searching for Brandon Johnston through actors, fitness instructors, Elves, twins, various naked guys, and the mayor of Chicago

 

I've been going through the posts from when this site was specific to The Righteous Gemstones, trying to make them appeal to a general audience. I did it with Dylan B., and I couldn't even use his last name.  But Brandon Johnston turned out to be a problem: 

1. The original post called him  "Johnson"
2. It records his roles rather than titles of his projects: Elf Photo Clerk,  Valet, College Student 2, Audience Member, Golf Caddie Twin, and Genius Clone. 


A search for "Brandon Johnson" on the IMDB yielded this guy, known for Ingrid Goes West and Rick and Morty.  He's middle-aged and black.  My Brandon is young and white.














Although I wouldn't mind researching this Brandon next.

Googling revealed Brandon Johnson, the mayor of Chicago.  Probably not the same guy.

"Brandon Johnston"?  Nothing.





Searching on Facebook yielded 16,000 Brandon Johnsons/ Johnstons, including this fitness coach from Ogden Utah.  








How about "Brandon Johnson/Johnston" and "nude"?  Warning: the first hit is a big-breasted naked lady. 

The second is Bryce Johnston, who must be famous for something, since "Naked Celebrity" websites gushed over a video of him skinny-dipping, showing his butt and a very blurry dick.

But when I googled "Bryce Johnston," all I found was the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles and the heavily tattooed Father Midnight.

More Brandon, probably, after the break

What has Jak Kristowski, last seen at the Citadel with Kelton Dumont, been up to lately? Hopefully n*de modeling and meeting German guys

 


Jak Kristowski is an actor and producer who spent a day at the Citadel, South Carolina's military college, playing a cadet against Kelton Dumont's Pontius in Righteous Gemstones Episode 3.9.   His scene was cut, but he liked the military life so much that after high school he enlisted.









I didn't have enough n*de photos for a full profile, so I posted this in one of Kelton Dumont's photo collections.

Jak is still a producer, the CEO of Barn Door Productions, with Spider Man: The Dark Age (2023), which I reviewed, plus two upcoming projects:








A Letter to Let Go:
"Lola is living a two-faced life," but a letter from her sister "becomes a beacon of light."  I'm going to guess that the two-faced life does not mean that Lola is a lesbian, and the letter will help her find God.





Banner: To Seek Refuge, 
a fan retelling of the Incredible Hulk mythos.  On the run from a federal agent obsessed with his capture, David Banner (Cal Nguyen) meets a fellow refugee. The IMDB entry doesn't say who it is.  The third person listed in the cast is Vin Massi, "bad actor, bad model, part time bodybuilder," so maybe David meets a guy for a gay-subtext buddy-bond.  









But Jak's main job now is the army.  He trained in the exclusive K-9 unit.











He is currently stationed in Germany, where he goes to all the theme parks and takes pictures of the statues of naked men.




















More after the break. Caution: Explicit.