Gemstones Season 2 Memes: Kelvin swishes, Joe Canoli bulges, there's no Brad Pitt, and I don't get an Easy Bake Oven

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones, their friends, and a few random hunks.  Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.

1. A few random hunks

2. Could you at least get naked?

Tony: What do you mean, Kelvin and Keefe don't kiss this season?  Can we at least have sex?

3. How to hug while pretending to be straight.

Kelvin: No, your head goes...

Keefe: I think I put my right arm...um..over here...

Kelvin: My hand goes on your butt...no, on your waist...hey, are you aroused?

Keefe: No..a little...ok, a lot.

Kelvin: Move your thigh over there...no, there...your hand goes here...dude, I told you to research how straight guys hug.

4. Ready for another random hunk?

5. Nobody is that good an actor, Kelvin.

Kelvin: Hey, Bro, there sure are a lot of attractive ladies here tonight.  I really enjoy looking at attractive ladies, don't you? Hee-hee, I'm so good at playing a straight guy that Jesse doesn't suspect a thing.

6. Eli should have known that this would happen

Eli: Remember, when the new converts walk on stage, Judy hugs the men, and you hug the women.

Kelvin: No problem, Daddy, I can handle that.  Here comes the first....eww....I can feel her brassiere strap...eww...Judy, stop laughing...eww....eww

Eli: Game change.  Kelvin, you take the men.

Kelvin: Oh, thank God!

More closeted Kelvin after the break

Tommy Nelson and Boyfriends: Boyfriends, buddies, bromantic partners, crushes, and cocks

In my earlier profile of Tommy Nelson, star of My Friend Dahmer and Cat and Mouse, guest on The Righteous Gemstones and Better Call Saul, I noted that he married a woman in 2023.  Thus obviously straight, right?

Wait -- there are lots of bi/pan people in the world.  A closer look at Tommy's posts on social media reveals a lot of pre-marriage boyfriends or bromantic partners including Alex Wolff and a non-actor named Ryan.  Plus implications of getting down to business, maybe as a joke, maybe not.

1. Watching tv with a buddy in Fairborn, Ohio, a suburb of Dayton.  I can't tell who belongs to which leg, but they are obviously being intimate. Tommy tells his followers to "laugh."

2. Beer bottle placed strategically over his crotch to emulate an erection.  We've all done that to attract gay men, who always look at other men face-crotch-face.

3. Tommy's main man Ryan.  He invites his fans to invent "ship" names. Rymmy and Tyan sound too weird.

4. A younger Ryan mowing the lawn.

More after the break.  Caution: explicit

Gideon Gemstone Memes: impressing a cute boy, a hung Keefe, and Skyler's first clothed scene in five years

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Gideon of The Righteous Gemstones, and friends.  Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.

1. Some friends

2. We've all been there

Teenage Gideon at the sleepover: "This is fascinating.  Reminiscent of the early Faulkner, with the homoerotic subtexts that one often finds in Southern Gothic fiction."

The cute boy he's trying to impress: Dude, that's a blank scrapbook.

3. Perform with your shirt off.  No one will notice.

Gideon: I'm sorry, I'm not up to performing in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  Tell my understudy that he'll have to do it.

Keefe: This is NOT a coat of many colors.  Three, tops. Call Gideon again.

4. Room for one more.

When Gideon invited his buds to the sleepover, he didn't mention that they would be sharing one single bed. Not that they minded.

5. Upset that he wasn't invited to the sleepover.

More Gideon after the break

Carlin James: The third thug, a gay three-way, a queer romance, and Pretty Dudes.

In Episode 4.5 of Better Call Saul, the Breaking Bad spin-off starring Bob Odenkirk as a sleazy lawyer, a flashback to 2003 shows the young Saul/Jimmy McGill working in a cell phone store.  He starts a side-business selling stolen burner phones (popular with drug dealers, gang members, cheating husbands, and so on). 

While scoping out customers at the Dog House, a sleazoid-favored hot dog stand, he approaches teen thugs Peewee, Skipper, and Scooter. They don't need any phones, but they'll wait until he's done for the evening and beat him up for his profits. Jimmy kicks himself for not being able to foresee that the interaction would go bad.

In the next episode, Jimmy approaches the guys at their laudromat-hangout and offers to give them a cut if they let him sell without harassment: a more reliable dividend stream than robbing him just once.  They decide that they prefer robbery, and chase him -- into a trap!

Jimmy's allies, Huell Babineaux and Man Mountain, tie them up, gag them, and hang them upside down in a piñata warehouse.  They begin smashing the piñatas with baseball bats.  Jimmy asks the teen thugs if they prefer to be smashed to death quickly or slowly.  

The thugs are so terrified that they promise not to bother Jimmy anymore, and to tell all the other thugs to leave him alone.  He calls off the smashing, but his goons pretend not to hear him until the bat comes withn inches of Peewee's face.  "You get one warning," Jimmy tells him as he whimpers.  "And that was it." 

Other than the gay-subtext potential of the three guys hanging out without chatting up girls, I was interested in this scene because I have profiles of two of the actors: Tommy Nelson, left, and Cory Chapman, center.  

Both would go on to roles in The Righteous Gemstones, but in different seasons, and both have a substantial amount of gay and gay-subtext work.  

So what about the third thug, Scooter?  

He's played by Carlin James, a Filipino-American actor from Long Beach.  His on-screen career begins in 2009-11, playing college students in dramatic shorts and guys who get killed in thrillers.

His first mainstream role was in a 2016 episode of  How to Get Away with Murder: he plays Martin, one of the guys that main character Connor, played by Jack Falahee, invites home for a three-way.

More Carlin after the break