The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "won't like these dicks." Is that even possible? With chubby guy bonus.

Commenting on the frequent male nudity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these dicks." 

Nonsense.  All dicks are beautiful. Big, small, thick, thin, micro, they all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  

And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either.

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down Eli by destroying his satellite church.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run naked through the shopping mall.  

1. Casey Hendershott (top photo), who has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman, a Savannah, Georgia-based actor who appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare it all for Gemstones viewers.  

It was worth it.  He's easily the cutest of the trio.

3. Justin Matthew Smith, who has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his dick.

The Running of the Butts.  The guys and some extras are forced to run through the mall nude, as the shoppers all laugh at them.

Why is male nudity assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

 

Bonus chubby guys after the break

"Asteroid City": Bleak play within a play within a play, with one teensy gay kiss and Matt Dillon's dick

Movie night was Asteroid City (2023), which I thought would be about atomic testing in Nevada in the 1950s.  Instead, I was watching the Theater of the Absurd.  Maybe Ionesco, where your mother turns into a giraffe and offers you brownies,  or a Monte Python episode where one sketch bleeds into another, so Vikings are suddenly talking to the Minister of Finance about the hippodrome tariff. 

As far as I can tell, there are two plays with plays.

1. In an old-fashioned black and white tv studio, a narrator tells us that what we are witnessing is a story, not real. The curtain opens to reveal:

2. The Playwright (Edward Norton) auditioning an actor for the lead in his play (Jason Schwartzman), who brings him ice cream, changes into a different costume, and delivers a nonsequiter monologue.  

They kiss..  But don't get excited: it's in the distance, and never referenced again, while there are three or four heterosexual romances coming up. We cut to the main story:

A lot of people arrive for the Junior Stargazers' Convention in Asteroid City, Nevada , where an asteroid crashed to Earth (they mean a meteor).  During the opening speeches, an alien descends from a spaceship and grabs the asteroid.  Everyone is put under quarantine, while the government tries to convince them that nothing happened.  After a week, the government is about to lift the quarantine, but the alien returns and gives the asteroid back.  The quarantine is on, but everyone riots, and the next day they are gone.  Maybe it was all a dream.

While all this is going on, there are several soap opera stories.  Steinbeck (Jason Schwartzman again, I think) arrives with his son and three young daughters.  He was going to leave the son and go on to his wealthy father-in-law's house to bury his wife's ashes, but his car broke down.  During the quarantine his three daughters, who are witches, bury the ashes in the desert and perform a spell to resurrect her.  She isn't actually resurrected, but she apparently appears in a flashback or flash-sideways scene.

Left: This is Jason Schwartzman's penis.  It is not Jason Schwartzman's penis, it is a salami.  It is not a salami, it is the diary of a 17th century French poet who wrote about salamis.

I figured that Steinbeck must be the famous novelist and nude model, who was active in Hollywood at the time, so I went scurrying to wikipedia for his biography.  It doesn't match.

More nonsequiters and dicks after the break

Why Him?: Adam Devine hooks up with Griffin Gluck over discussions of jizz. With bonus Gluck dick

 

When I saw that Adam Devine was in the 2016 father-of-the-bride comedy Why Him (2016), I forked over the $3.95 for a rental, even though he is far down the cast list on IMDB.  

You really can't go wrong with an Adam Devine movie.   His hotness makes watching him in anything worthwhile, and he appears to have made his career from talking about  penises and jizz, usually in a homoerotic context. (But what reference to penises and jizz is not homoerotic?).  

The premise: conservative button-down printer Ned Fleming (Bryan Cranston) visits his daughter's fiance, the effervescent, unconventional tech millionaire Laird (James Franco, left), for Christmas.  The two start out hating each other, but learn to love and respect, yada yada yada.

Ned's entrepreneur son  Scotty (Griffin Gluck, right) tells him about Tyson Modell (Adam Devine), "the kid who founded Ghostchat.  He turned down billions of dollars, and he's only 24 years old."  They're going to meet up at Laird's Christmas party

Scene 1: What is bukkake? 

At the party, we see Tyson and Scotty -- neither with lady friends -- talking shop: "Totally tanked porting the thin-client apps for the JDK build.  It took me two weeks on the JDEE database..."  Scotty is more into the entrepreneurial side of things, but Tyson advises him to start coding.  The parents and a brother-sister  team join them (the brother is played by Boys in the Band star Andrew Rannells)

Ned is so confused by the tech talk that he exclaims:  "There's bukkake floating all around me."  He thinks bukkake means "overwhelmed," which technically it does: Tyson explains that it means "jizz all over your face."  This is particularly common after gang-bangs, or during,  when one of the guys finishes early.  Apparently Tyson only goes to male-only gang-bangs. .

Laird, who gave Ned the wrong definition, claims that 'I was trying to protect you, Dude.  It's a really sensitive conversation.  They're talking about guys jerking off on each other." None of Tyson's friends likes oral?

To illustrate what bukkake look like, Tyson shows everyone a video on his phone (we don't see it).  Scotty demonstrates considerable interest, but the others are disgusted.

"Is that you?" Laird asks.  

"No." But he nods  "yes" at Ned.

More sex after the break