"Partner Track": High-power lawyer is passed over in favor of people with penises. Yes, we see a few.

Partner Track , on Netflix, is about a high-powered Manhattan lawyer.  Are there lawyers in any other city?   But I couldn't find any gay characters or subtexts, so here goes. Maybe there will be some grey-suit hunks in steam rooms.

Scene 1: We're in NYC!  You can tell because of the shots of Central Park and the Empire State Building.  Close-up of pink high-heeled shoes, eventually are revealed to be Ingrid, a lawyer  in a pink business outfit, standing out amid the throngs of grey-suit men.  She gives some coin to a homeless guy, gets jostled by a grey-suit man, and tells us that this city is tough on a girl who wants to get ahead.

Inside the glass-and-steel building, she meets her friend, a woman in a blue business outfit.  They discuss Ingrid's obsessive drive to be made junior partner at her law firm (ok, partner track, I get it).   It's down to her, Dan , and Todd, but they have penises, so she has to do something spectacular to tip the balance, like land a major account.  

When they arrive upstairs, Dan and Todd, and a third guy, Hunter, can't wait to start their hetero-horny hostile-workplace sexism: "she's got a wide margin on the face-body quotient.  She looks like you from the back, and Dan from the front.  Ugh!"  So the epitome of ugliness is...a man.  Got it! 

The three grey suits don't have any distinguishing characteristics: they are all fratboy-style hunks, they mention sports every 10 seconds, and they think of women as sex toys..  But in case you are interested, they are played by Zane Philips (top photo), Nolan Gerald Funk (left), who often plays gay roles, and Will Stout ("actor, West Virginian, Dad", but no beefcake).

The butts of the guys follow:

Everyone drools over Ultra-Richster, who will decide on the next junior partner.  They have to really butter him up!  

Ingrid rushes to her office, ignores a phone call from her mother, and tells her assistant to gather all the intel needed to wow Ultra-Richster.  

She also meets her new paralegal Justin (Roby Attal), a white dudebro who has his feet on his desk and is busily texting and ignoring his duties.

Left: Nolan's butt. He's having sex with a lady.

Ingrid's friend asks why she was assigned such a terrible paralegal. The answer: since Ingrid is Korean-American, HR thought that assigning her only paralegals of color might be construed as racist, so they got her a white one. Problem: they couldn't find any competent white paralegals.

Friend shoves his feet off the desk and yells: "Ingrid graduated #2 in her class at Harvard Law.  You will show her some respect!"  Oh, please, every lawyer on tv graduated at the top of their class at Harvard Law.

Scene 2:  Out of nowhere, Friend asks "What happened to the Brit you hooked up with long time ago?  You said he was like Bogart from Casablanca?"  Ingrid shrugs.  "It was just a hookup."  "Well, he was just hired by this firm.  A chance for you to get laid, and take your mind off your obsession with becoming partner!"  Why do you care so much?  Are you a standard romcom friend who exists only to goad the big city girl into accepting the small-town hunk? Or, in this case, hunky Brit?

Scene 3:  Ingrid runs into Tyler (Bradley Gibson).  He is wearing a blue suit, so he's a nice guy.  This series is as color-coordinated as an old Western.  He is bragging to someone on his cellphone that he has landed a bunch of accounts, plus he started reading Vogue, Teen Vogue, and Women's Wear Daily when he was 11.  The guy on the phone is impressed, and gives him the account. 

Left: Zane's butt.  He's having sex with a guy.

I thought Tyler would be a standard romcom gay bff,  but he asks Ingrid to "come say hi to the kids at the reception tonight."   Was that thrown in to identify him as heterosexual?  About 20% of gay men have kids, you know.  There are several ways to get the job done that dont require sex with a lady.

Scene 4:  Not looking where she is going, Ingrid has a splat! meet-cute encounter with...you guessed it, the Brit, she used to date, Jeff Murphy (Dominic Sherwood).  He stares in cliched teencom Girl-of-my-dreams lust, but unfortunately he doesn't remember Ingrid from their long-ago hookup.  He was way drunk that night.  Ingrid is way pissed.

Whoops, Brit Jeff was hired at level five, whatever that means, so he's in the running for junior partner, too.  Romance between competitors, a cliched...um, I mean classic romcom trope.

Scene 5: All of the contenders -- Dan, Todd, Brit Jeff, and Ingrid -- watch in amusement as the Richster demolishes fawning acolyte Sanders: "Don't ask if you can ask a fucking question, just ask the fucking question! And don't laugh.  Laughter is a coward's expression of fear."  

They bet on which cliched business phrase Richster will use first.

Scene 6: A meeting.  Who wants to work on getting a corporate merger contract worth $2.9 billion? Wait -- is that the law firm's fee?   Ingrid brags about her qualifications, repeatedly, and is ignored.  He assigns Grey Suit Dan instead.  "And this deal is confidential.  Any leak, and I will fucking tear up your fucking license my fucking self."  

Out in the hallway, Grey Suits Dan assigns Ingrid some grunt work.  She fumes.  Is she going to start murdering these grey suits?

Scene 7: Another meeting. The big boss walks right by Ingrid to shake hands with Dudebro Paralegal Justin, because he has a penis.  Maybe he wants to see it?  Then he orders Ingrid to bring them some wine. She relegates the task to Justin. "Oh...you're the associate?  Sorry...you look so...young."  He means "lacking a penis."  Everybody else arrives, and Ingrid is ignored again as they delve into sports and car metaphors.

Guys demonstrate that they have penises after the break

Walker Satterwhite: Sorry, no movie or tv reviews, just beefcake photos and a Ryan Cooper cock

Usually I review the movie or tv show, then look for beefcake photos of the cast.  But in this case I couldn't find the tv show.  It was Day 5, about an epidemic that kills you when you fall asleep.  So, apparently, people try to find ways to stay awake. 

Here focus characters Jake, a meth head turned hero (Jesse C. Boyd) and a kid from the neighborhood (Walker Satterwhite) jump into a swimming pool.

 

They watch a porno starring the butt of Aaron Marcus

Pilot Aiden (Ryan Cooper) searches for the Sandman's Oasis, where sleep is possible,

Problem: I couldn't find the series. A google search for Day 5 led to 5 Days, about a kidnapped woman, Day 6, about the World Athletic Championships, or 6 Days, about a terrorist plot.  I had to search for "Day 5" and "Jesse C. Boyd" to determine that the series appeared on the Rooster Teeth website. Look, I already subscribe to Netflix, Vudu, Hulu, Disney Plus, MAX, and Amazon Prime,  That's enough

More problems after the break

NCIS: New Orleans: The "Quantum Leap" guy and the "Wings" guy are kidnapped by the "Oz" guy. And they're all nekkid!

 

I don't usually watch crime dramas, but I need more reviews of James Dumont's work, and he stars in "Father's Day," Episode of 2.14 of NCIS: New Orleans: "Pride and Mayor Douglas are abducted from their Mardi Gras events."  Does Pride mean Gay Pride? Nope, it's the last name of Scott Bakula's character (left).   

Scene 1: A big Mardi Gras party full of heterosexual couples, the men in fancy tuxedos.  Sleazoid Mayor (Steve Weber) takes the stage and says a few words while eyeing a lady in a red dress.  He congratulates his chief of staff, Tom (James Dumont), for being married to such an incredibly hot woman. Pay attention to that necklace.  It will become important later.  He then follows the Lady in Red out into the hall, quoting Oscar Wilde: "I can resist anything except temptation." His staff groans: not another one!  The hookup wants to have sex right there in the hallway.

Meanwhile, Pride is told that he must go out back for a liquor delivery (he must own the place).  He goes, not at all suspicious, and gets tranquilizer darted. 

Scene 2: They both wake up tied to chairs while a mysterious Masked Figure peers at them. Sleazoid Mayor wonders if his hookup was an accomplice (ya think?).   But Figure ain't talking. 

Meanwhile, out on the street, everyone is waiting for Sleazoid Mayor to shake the hand of the Mardi Gras Parade King.  Where is he? Agent LaSalle (Lucas Black) points out that Mardi Gras began in Alabama, not New Orleans, and gets yelled at.  

Uh-oh, there's a drugged security guard (Chris McKenna) and a dead Marine inside the party venue (a hotel, not a bar).   The Security Guard saw the Sleazoid Mayor's Hookup running past after he was darted. And the dead Marine was darted, too.

(NCIS is the Naval Crime Investigation Service, they have to have a dead sailor or marine in there somewhere)

Eventually they figure out that the Mayor and Pride have both been kidnapped.

Scene 3: The victims try to bargain with the Masked Figure. Mayor: "I got a lot of rich friends.  They can get you anything you want." Pride: "I'm a NCIS Agent!" (I thought he was a bar owner.  Side gig?).

Mysterious Figure starts recording them, and tells them that they are here "To confess." 

Scene 4:  The tech guy found no terrorist chatter or threatening messages aimed at the Mayor or Pride. He starts working on a partial license plate number provided by an eyewitness.  Meanwhile, the agents reason that it's Mardi Gras, the streets are clogged, so the kidnapper couldn't have gone far.  They must be holding the guys near the party venue.

Left: Chris McKenna's backside.

Scene 5:   Back at the party, rich white people are dancing ludicrously. The Agents grab the Mayor's Hookup (identifiable because she's the only Lady in Red).  Why didn't she scram after hoodwinking the Mayor?

Her story: a guy said he was playing a prank on the Mayor, his old fraternity brother, and paid her $500 to get him alone.  Wait -- how did she know for sure that the Mayor would choose her for his hookup?  If he latched onto someone else, the whole plan would be ruined.

Scene 6: Masked Figure takes off his
mask (then why did he wear it?).  Pride recognizes him: Mike Spar (Lee Tergesen).  His story: 25 years ago, his wife went to a frat party at this hotel, and the Mayor murdered her!   Then Pride covered it up, telling Mike that Wife killed herself. And the Mayor's fraternity brothers, who testified that it was a suicide, have all gotten cushy jobs in his administration.  Aha!  I knew it would be a Dead Wife!  Oldest and most over-used motive in the book!  .

Pride claims that he just responded to a suicide call; he had nothing to do with any cover-up. Mayor claims that he was not at the party at all, but Mike has a picture of him there. Ulp!  He's been lying about it, and paying off his frat brothers, for 25 years.

More dicks and butts after the break