Derek Yates: Nude Photos of the Smiley-Emoji and Eggplant Guy

Actor/model Derek Yates has 21 credits listed on IMDB, including cops, paralegals, nurses, a sleazoid, a passenger on the doomed Titanic 666, and Rando the Smiley Emoji guy on How I Met Your Father (Sylvia didn't remember what he looked like, so he came out with a smiley-emoji covering his face and an eggplant covering his crotch).

Derek also claims to have played the Best Friend alongside Adam Devine in Isn't It Romantic.  I don't remember seeing him there, but his face is rather unremarkable.  Fans like him for his comedic talent.

His 840,000 social media followers may be even more interested in his beefcake photos. Thousands of them, so many that I actually got tired of looking. Always shirtless, usually bulging, and quite often nude.

Selfie wearing glasses.

Torso and cock. He didn't shave his chest that day.

Artistic nude

More dicks after the break

"With Love" Episode 2.4: A gay bachelor party in Las Vegas. With lots of bonus butts.

 

With Love is a tv-series with an impossible to remember name, about an extended Hispanic family, including a gay son and a trans aunt.  In Season 1, each episode was set during a major holiday.  Season 2 seems to be about the wedding of Jorge and Henry (Mark Indelicato from Ugly Betty, left, Vincent Rodriguez III from My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, right), so I reviewed Episode 2.4: "The Bachelor Party."  Which of the guys is getting one? And, more importantly, will there be male strippers?

Scene 1: Santiago (Rome Flynn, left)) opens the door at 4 am.  Dre (W. Tre Davis) and his girlfriend Annie criticize him for bulging in boxer shorts. Well, he can hardly help having morning wood.  They're going to get married today because Dre has a lump on his testicle, and he needs Annie's insurance to check it out.  But they want to get married in Las Vegas, and they have to drive because Dre is afraid of planes.

Scene 2: Establishing shots of Las Vegas. Jorge and Henry, plus two women and a man (maybe Nick, played by Desmond Chiam), walk in slow motion into their hotel suite.  It has a crystal sculpture of a male torso. 

They rush to claim their bedrooms.  Jorge complains that he likes the credenza in Room A but the view in Room B, so...they move the credenza.  What a diva!

Woman #1 asks Nick to share her room.  He refuses because it would be too awkward, but she shows her boobs and says "No sex," so he agrees.

Scene 3:  Dre, Santiago, and Annie from Scene 1, who are all black, driving through redneck country. They discuss the weird stuff about the girl Santiago was dating. then Annie criticizes for not wanting to get married: "it's not normal."  Geez, lady, why so judgmental?  Granted, there are two weddings in this episode, but still, some people don't experience romantic attraction, and some just like living alone. 

Santiago wants to normalize people being single, but Annie disagrees: "You want a partner, you want kids."

Dre has to pee, so they pull into a scary redneck gas station.  The attendant glares at them; they change their minds and drive away.  Hey, where's the next scene where he posts his Black Lives Matter sign?

Scene 4:  The guys in their suite. Suddenly "the gays arrive!": James and Jauvier (Scott Evans, below Adrian Gonzalez, on his knees).   Why are the friends of a gay couple on tv always flamboyant stereotypes?  They flirt with the one straight guy in the room, give Henry a penis-hat (he doesn't like it because it's too bushy; he likes his pubic hair trimmed), and zoom to the booze. Why are they always drunks?  

Back in his partying pre-couple days, whenever Henry drank tequila, he turned into a loose cannon named Hank.  "He's the reason I'm permanently banned from the Gap." "He's the reason my wrist cracks when I make a limp-wrist gesture." 

Everyone wants to go to the pool, except Hank: with his muscles and bulge, women are always hitting on him. They talk him into it anyway.  Nick the Straight Guy acts as his anti-wing man, blocking all of the drink and sex offers.  Hank suggests that he get with some of the girls himself, but he's mooning over one of the girls they came with (he gestures at them standing together, so I can't tell which).

Scene 5:  The three driving to Vegas stop at a non-redneck place to pee.  Santiago imagines that he sees his ex-girlfriend Lily (who is now in Vegas, being "just friends" with Nick the Straight Guy), walking in slow motion, her hair blowing in the wind. She gives him a flirty glance, then drives away forever.  Maybe she'll show up in Vegas.

Scene 6: Everyone hanging out, the gays wearing pink bunny ears and having no trouble with the limp wrist gestures. They criticize Henry for not drinking. Hey, some people don't drink for religious reasons, some have an alcohol problem, and some just don't like it.  It's his choice, jerks! 

More jerkiness after the break

Kelvin and Keefe Under the Christmas Tree: A Kelvin/Keefe Romance

It was Christmas Day in South Carolina, 85 degrees, so Kelvin and Keefe were sweating in their Santa hats and scarves as they knocked on the door of Daddy Eli's mansion. Kelvin was his youngest son, the youth director at his sprawling megachurch and worldwide television ministry.  Keefe was Kelvin's best friend, an ex-Satanist whom he brought to God two years ago.  And incredibly cute, Kelvin thought.  He could hardly take his eyes off him.  It's a wonder some girl hasn't snatched him away!

 Keefe could barely see over the pile of presents in his arms: they had a big family. Daddy Eli,  his children, Jesse and Judy, who helped in his ministry (along with Kelvin); Jesse's wife and three kids; and Judy's husband.  Even with the couples getting presents together, that's still an armload.

Jesse's wife Amber, answered the door.  "My favorite brother-in law!" she exclaimed, hugging Kelvin.  "And my other favorite brother in law,"  kissing...Keefe's cheek?

"Hey!" Judy's husband BJ yelled from the parlor.

Other favorite brother in law?  "We're not...um...we're not..." Kelvin stammered, but Keefe and Amber were already heading toward the Christmas tree to deposit the presents.  

He checked the seating arrangements: two places on one of the sofas, but they would have to sit very close together.  Gulp!  Maybe someone would get up to go to the bathroom, and he could take their place.  He stopped at the pastry cart in the alcove.  He usually didn't eat sugar, but this was an emergency!

"No time for feeding your face, Brother," Jesse called.  "These presents won't unwrap themselves."

Keefe was already sitting on the white sofa, resting his arm across the back...across Kelvin's spot.  There was no choice!  He trudged across the room, slowly, like a condemned man on the way to the gallows, and squeezed in between Keefe and his nephew Gideon. He relaxed a bit, feeling the familiar hardness of Keefe's chest, his arm against his head, their legs pressed together -- no choice.  

Then Keefe used the "yawn and stretch" maneuver that you saw in movies to wrap his arm around his shoulders. "He's just trying to get comfortable -- it's a tight squeeze," Kelvin thought.  "Just bros being bros."

Time for presents.  Abraham, Jesse and Amber's youngest, was in charge of passing out.  He handed Kelvin a package marked "To Kelvin and Keefe, from Judy and BJ."  Wait -- the rule was, one gift per couple, but he and Keefe weren't a couple.  They should get separate gifts.  Cheapskates!

It was a toaster!  "Your husband can't make you breakfast in bed without a toaster," Judy said with a giggle.

Grr -- they had $26 million in trust, a monthy deposit of $20,000 into the joint checking account, three cars, and a house on the estate.  They could afford their own toaster!  Wait -- your husband?  "We're not...um...", he stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Judy and BJ," and they moved on.

More presents "to both of you": matching Christmas sweaters, a framed photo of two 1950s bodybuilders (from Abraham: "he thought they looked like y'all," Amber explained).  

Keefe didn't have any money of his own, so they had no choice but to give presents together.  Did that give everyone the wrong idea?

It got even worse: his nephew Pontius gave them a Ken doll and a GI Joe on a little stand, shirtless, hugging, with their mouths pasted together so it looked like they were kissing.  "I've never seen you do it, so I figured you didn't know how," he said. 

 "We don't....we're not,..." Kelvin stuttered, but Keefe said "Thank you, Pontius.  It's beautiful.  We'll put it on display in the bedroom."  The bedroom?  They had separate bedrooms; Keefe didn't sleep in the master bedroom more than once or twice a week.  Ok, four or five times a week.  Well, he slept in the guest suite that one time.

Now it was Daddy Eli's turn.  He gave everyone trips: Hawaii for Jesse and Amber and their kids, Disney World for Judy and BJ, and for Kelvin and Keefe, a "romantic" week-long stay at a resort hotel in Myrtle Beach.  

"You boys never had a honeymoon, and I hear it's the gay capital of the South."

  

Keefe said "Thank you, Mr. Gemstone, sir," and they prepared to move on, but Kelvin couldn't take any more.  "We're not married, we're not newlyweds, we're not going on any honeymoon to any gay capital!" he yelled.  "We're best friends! That's it."

The family stared.  Keefe stared.  "Kelvin...." he began,  After a long pause, Jesse spoke: "Sorry, Dude, but what were we to think?  You haven't mentioned a girl since high school, and then Keefe moves in"

More after the break