Gemstone Season 3 Memes Part 2: Kelvin dates, Keefe blows, and that's not Jerry O'Connell's cock

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones, and friends, and a few random hunks.  Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.

1. Which Gemstone gets him as a birthday present?

2. No one misses you at all

Kelvin: Since you left me, everything is going great. No one misses you at all.

Keefe: BJ and I play pickleball on my lunch hour three times a week.

Kelvin: Well, I meant...

Keefe: Judy took me jewelry shopping yesterday.

Kelvin: She was just being nice...

Keefe: Jesse and Amber had me over for dinner last Saturday.

Kelvin: They never invite me over for dinner....

Keefe: Daddy Eli is taking me fishing next week.

Kelvin: Since when do you call him...

Keefe: Gideon invited me to a movie.

Kelvin: Dude, that's my nephew!  Are you guys...

Keefe: Martin's kid has a music recital, and he asked me to...

Kelvin: Now you're just showing off.

3. You'l never get any action if you leave his ring on.

Jesse: I shouldn't have given them my monster truck.

Amber: Support Jesse in everything, no matter how stupid, or you'll end up alone, like Kelvin.

Kelvin: Leave his ring on or take it off?  If I leave it on, guys will think I'm still marr..engag...a dude bro

4.  Let your bi flag fly, Kelv Baby

Kelvin: Daddy said "No more workplace romances.  They always blow up in your face." Well, this time I hired an assistant who I do not find attractive in the least!  Taryn is nice and all, but no way would I...she's a fierce tumbler....and she's got a quirkly fashion sense...I love her laugh.  We have to discuss the youth ministry, right?  Why not over dinner at Luigi's?

5. Bi Boy from Barcelona

6. If things go well, maybe you can talk about cum later.

Kelvin: I'm going on my first date since Keefe and I broke up.  Any advice?

Jesse: Stay focused.  Don't talk about cum.  Tell him who the fuck you are.

Keefe dating after the break-up after the break

 

 7. Ask some of the God Squad.

Reporter: You were Kelvin's closest friend before your recent breakup.  Fans want to know: is he gay?

Keefe: I have no idea. With all that sex going on, I never had a chance to ask.

8. Sometimes you just gotta blow something..or someone.

Robert Oberst said the same thing on his instagram.

9. Random Robert Oberst

10. Bert and Ernie figured it out, so why not Kelvin and Keefe?

Keefe: We were broken up.  I thought you were dating Taryn.  So when Joe Jonas introduced us, I asked him out.  But I swear, I would never have invited you here tonight if I knew he was the headliner.

Kelvin: Did you have physical relations?

Keefe: No.  He's a muppet.

11. This is not Jerry O'Connell's cock. Probably.

See also: Gemstones Season 3 Memes, Part 3: A bare-butt massage, plowing, posting, and what kissing is for

Robert's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Burgers, bondage, butts, and the love of his life

Scream Queens: Glen Powell and John Stamos compare dicks at a sinister hospital