Jake Short: Disney's ANT Farm genius plays a lot of girl-crazy teenagers, but his recent social media posts reveal...

Jake Short was born in 1997 in Indianapolis.  After some early roles, he became teencom-famous in ANT Farm (2011-14), a Disney Channel sitcom about a middle school for gifted students (ANT stands for Advanced Natural Talents).  His Fletcher Quinby is an artistic genius, and of course heterosexual, with two girlfriends before the series ends.

This led directly to Mighty Meds (2013-15) with comic book fanboys Oliver and Kaz (Jake, Bradley Steven Perry) discovering a hospital for superheroes, and eventually acquiring superpowers of their own. They have a gay-subtext romance, although each dates girls.

Jeffrey James Lippold, left, played The Crusher in 15 episodes.

In the spin-off Lab Rats: Elite Force (2016-17), they team up with superheroes Bree and Chase.

We can say that the adult Jake appeared in All Night (2018), a tv series about high schoolers locked in the school overnight for a bacchanal involving s*x and other illicit activity.

And Man of the House (2018), about two divorced sisters who move in together, and their son has to learn "what manhood means when he's entirely surrounded by females."  Just grow a pair and make them a lesbian couple.

The First Team (2020), only lasted for six episode, but it's from the BBC, so that may not indicate a failure.  It follows three players in a British Premiere League Football Team (the most prestigious).

In Supercool (2021), Neil (Jake) wishes to be cool enough to talk to the Girl of His Dreams, and the wish comes true, straining the relationship with his bff (Miles G; Harvey).

There's nothing s*xual going on in this scene.

S*x Appeal (2022) is about a girl who wants to do it a lot of times, so she'll be ready for her long-distance boyfriend, played by Jake.

And that's about it. Not much since 2022.  Jake has been playing golf, running a podcast....

More after the break

Gemstones Season 1 Memes: Kelvin bottoms, Gideon falls in love, and Keefe checks for semen loads

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Tyler Hynes: Atreyu and the "Amazon" teen graduates to Christmas romcoms with gay characters. Plus Andrew Lincoln's dick

Tyler Hynes (the one with the red hat) starred in six romcoms in 2024.  That's got to be a record.

Shifting Gears. Tyler and a female mechanic are competing in the big car restoration show.  Guess what happens.

Holiday Touchdown: A woman tries to win the Kansas City Chiefs' Fan of the Year contest, while falling in love with Tyler,.  At Christmas.

The Groomsmen: First Look.  "Groomsmen" are the attendants of the groom who stand with him at the wedding.  Here they are Tyler Hynes, Jonathan Bennett, and BJ Britt.  

At the wedding, BJ Bulge...I mean Britt...meets the Woman of His Dreams, but they are separated for reasons.

The Groomsmen: Second Chances.  This time the second groomsman, Jonathan Bennett, is in love with Alexander Lincoln (left), and proposes at another wedding.  

Yep, a gay couple.

I originally called his dick a Lincoln log, but no one understood the joke.

The Groomsmen: Last Dance.  The third groomsman, Tyler, falls in love with a struggling cafe owner, a woman this time, in Italy.  I assume there's a wedding.

Three Wiser Men and a B*y.   It looks like Tyler, with the moustache, and Paul Campbell, the one with the limp wrist cuddling with him, are a gay couple, but they're all brothers.

I don't know if Paul Campbell's character is gay or not.  Maybe the limp wrist is just a misdirection.

It's a sequel to Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022), with TYler and Paul helping Andrew Walker (left), when he finds a baby on his doorstep.  Now his adopted son is in kindergarten, and they have to help him with the big Christmas pageant.  At age 5?.

As far as I can tell, none of them fall in love, but their mother does.

Wait -- who am I profiling, again?

Oh, right -- Tyler Hynes. 

Born in 1986, the Canadian actor began performing on stage in A Christmas Carol at age 8 and Tommy at age 10, before hitting the teencom circuit with roles in The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo, Are You Afraid of the Dark, and Lassie.

It's impossible to research a book entitled Amazon nowadays, for obvious reasons, but I think the 1999-2000 tv series was based on a novel.  An airplane crashes in the Amazonian jungle with a soap opera-load of survivors, who are taken in by a Lost Tribe of good, kind, benevolent white people and run afoul of a load of violent, demonic, cannibalistic Native Americans (but their leader is white). Tyler plays a survivor who goes native. 

Yes, I watched.  It was awful, but I'm a sucker for lost civilization stories.

More after the break

"The Stranger": The one with a Kai Alexander butt, an alpaca-biter, Eddy from "Absolutely Fabulous," and two heterosexual horndogs

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