Ten Nude Dudes from Rejected Reviews, Part 2: From Ben Affleck to Bill Skalsgard

 

Every day I check the new releases and my recommendations, beginning with Netflix, and then going on to Hulu, MAX, and, scraping the bottom of the barrel, Amazon Prime, looking for movies or tv series to review.   They should be in a genre that I like, with gay characters, gay subtexts, or at least some beefcake. 

Most are easy to reject, icons with ladies only, a man and a woman gazing at each other, or guys shooting things. 

Sometimes I just jump in, but usually research is necessary to ensure that there are no nasty surprises, like queerbaiting or homophobic jokes. 

The result is a lot of n*de dudes with no review attached.  

1. Garrett Clayton, top photo, in Reach, 2018.  Socially awkward band geek Stephen, Garrett Clayton,  is planning to kill himself due to the constant bullying, until the new k*d at school, Jordan Doww, falls in love...um, befriends him.   According to a review, it's supposed to be a gay romance, but they "staunchly refuse to say the word," although there are a lot of homophobic slurs thrown around...at a performing arts school in 2016?

2. Stephen Luca in Blame the Game, 2024. Three male-female couples gather for their weekly game night. Two of the guys, Stephen Luca and Dennis Mojen, get naked, but nothing comes of it. In fact, the new guy gets tormented by his girlfriend's ex.

3. Ben Affleck in Going All the Way, which just appeared on Netflix, even though it's from 1996. After returning from the Korean War, two men, Jeremey Davies and Ben Affleck,  search for love and fulfillment in Middle America. Sounds fine, except in the icon, they're in the background of a shot of a woman's breasts, and according to the plot synopsis, they don't become a gay couple.

Left: Ben dick.  You already know what his face looks like.

4. Jaeden Martel in Mr Harrigan's Phone, 2022.   A teenager makes friends with an elderly hellraiser, who dies, but continues to call him, and arrange for the deaths of his enemies. No girls in the plot synopsis or trailer, but the wikipedia page reveals that he has a crush on a girl.  Why do they hide that? To lure queer viewers in?

5. Nicholas Alexander Chavez as a hunky priest in Grotesquerie, 2024. I actually started watching. The detective arrives at the house.  The cop tells her that they should let the FBI handle it, because it's a hate crime.  "Hate crime against what?" she asks.  "Everything."  

A nuclear family Mom and two preteen boys have been killed and placed at the dinner table.  Dad's body parts are scattered all over.  The timer goes off: whatever is cooking in the pot is read.  I'll bet it's Dad's head.

I fast forward...it's women talking to other women for 45 minutes, and then the detective in bed with her boyfriend. And it turns out to be a tv show, not a movie.  Next!

More Chavez after the break

I assume those tags are an important plot point.

6. Devon Terrell in It's What's Inside, 2024.  Buddies from college days gather at a mansion to play a game where they take on each other's personalities.  Devon is swishy, wears two earrings, and is asked "Is he coming?", no doubt referencing his boyfriend.  

No -- when I start watching, he's just a feminine heterosexual, about to marry the woman he keeps smooching on.  Lots of other male-female smooching.

7. Conor Sherry in Snack Shack 2024. In 1991, best friends AJ and Moose want to make big money by running the snack shack at the pool. In the promo, they gawk at a lady's butt as she walks away in slow motion, then kiss girls.  Next!

8. Diego Calva in El Secreto del Rio, The Secret of the River: "When a young boy arrives in an isolated Mexican village, a profound friendship blossoms with a local kid...and a dark secret seals their fate forever." 

Ok, I'll start watching. Manuel comes across Erik being kidnapped by a "fucking faggot," and tries to defend him, resulting in the fag busting his head and dying.  So gay men are all sexual predators, got it. 20 years later Erik turns into Diego Calva, and Manuel into Trinidad Gonzalez.  So being trans is ok, but being gay is awful.  Got it.

 

9. Sam Gittins in War of the Worlds: The Attack, 2023, in case you don't know what War of the Worlds is about. Three teenage astronomy buffs, Sam, the girl he spends half of the trailer gazing at, and the black guy, are at the epicenter of the alien invasion. Next!

10. Bill Skalsgard in B*y Kills World, 2023.  After his parents are murdered, a deaf guy trains to be a ninja assassin.  It's supposedly a comedy. Three seconds into the trailer, he's in love with a girl. Next!

See also:

Ten Nude Dudes from Rejected Reviews, Part 1: From Matt Bomer to Tom Goodman-Hill

Joseph Cali: Nude model before Stonewall, John Travolta's disco buddy, soap opera hunk, Adonis male

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Boner pills, Death Water, and "Why the hell not?"