"Proper Gym Etiquette": Robert Oberst punishes the jerks you see at the gym
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"Human Discoveries" Episode 1.1: Paleolithic hunks invent underwear. With nude Zac Efron and Milo Ventimiglia
Human Discoveries (2019) is an animated series (available on Facebook) about a group of Paleolithic humans who discover things like fire, relationships, and underwear. Zac Efron stars as Gary, a loveable nebbish looking for love, community, and a way to avoid getting his butt bitten. Adam Devine appears in Episode 1 as the leader of an elk community. I reviewed the first episode, to check for gay characters or subtexts.
Scene 1: Ugg (Paul Scheer), a bare-chested caveman, comes running out of some bushes. I'm a fan already.
He and several other muscle guys run through the jungle, chased by a giant sabre-toothed tiger. They reach a cliff, and have to jungle-vine over it. Bart, doesn't make it; the tiger starts eating him. The guys make excuses to not save him.
Scene 2: Jane complains about the gender-inequality of their society: the women have to weave baskets and gather fruit, while the men get to fight the tiger that's been preying on them.
At a community meeting, Ugh admits that the tiger is still out there. Jane raises her concerns about gender equality; Gary (Zac Efron) agrees -- why not have everyone do the job they're best at? His roommate Trog (Lamorne Morris, left) thinks that he just wants to impress Jane.
Meanwhile, the elk are discussing their predicament as prey to the humans. Leader Elk (Adam Devine) complains: "Why are they cared of the tiger but not us? We weigh a thousand pounds, and have spears growing out of our heads."
Scene 3: Night. Gary and Jane flirt, and almost kiss, but they are interrupted by the camp guard being eaten ("Why is it starting with my feet?).
Back in the cave, Gary disapproves of the skirts they wear while hunting -- too easy for his dick to be injured -- so he sews in some nuderwear (nice butt shot) Trog disapproves: how can they poop with that thing on?
I know this isn't supposed to be historically accurate, but I can't help pointing out that no one in the Paleolithic Era actually lived in caves. They lived in tents, and in some regions huts made of mammoth bones.
Scene 4: The men go off to fight the tiger, and the women are assigned to weave baskets. Jane starts a rebellion: they're going to fight, too. But who's going to weave the baskets? Jane appoints an old guy who is a closet basket-weaver. "No more hiding!" he exclaims, displaying the baskets he has hiding in "the closet."
In the wild, Gary brags about the comfort and support his new genital hammock offers. Two of the hunters, Tristain and Bog (James Adomian, Sam Richardson) are a canonical couple: later, when the group discovers "relationships," they point out that they've been together for years. But here they just display some enthusiasm for each other's accomplishments.
Scene 5: The women dig holes and build scarecrows with spikes in the head, hoping that the tiger will attack and impale itself. But when the tiger arrives, chasing the men, it is not impaled. It approaches Gary -- who poops his pants, distracting the tiger long enough for Ugg-- to spear it.
Unfortunately, the women were so busy building the scarecrows and digging holes that they forgot to gather any fruit to eat. So Ugg decrees that the gender-polarized work assignments will remain.
More after the break
Gemstones Episode 1.3: Kelvin outs himself, Baby Billy gets naked, and Scotty shoves his wiener into Gideon's face.. With some bonus wieners.
In Episode 2, we saw problems in the developing Kelvin/Keefe and Judy/BJ relationships: Kelvin is too hesitant, and BJ too eager. But the main takeaway was Gideon: Jesse's estranged son is one of the blackmailers! Episode 3 will develop the Gideon/Scotty plot arc further, postponing Kelvin/Keefe to their centric episode, "Wicked Lips." But first we need Kelvin to out himself a few times.
Title: "They are weak, but He is strong." From "Jesus Loves Me," a hymn by Anna Bartlett Warner published in 1862, but based on 2 Corinthians 12:10, NIV: "When I am weak, then I am strong." You can't get much weaker than these guys.
Baby Billy's Cock: The childhood home of Eli's late wife, famous Gospel singer Aimee-Leigh. A poster advertises the "Sing for Joy" concert tour, featuring the Freeman's Gap duo, Aimee-Leigh and Baby Billy. Two children on the cover of a single album, "Misbehavin'." They must have been a brother-sister act as children, before Aimee-Leigh became a serious gospel singer. A young woman yells that Baby Billy's hot milk is ready; she brings it to him as he bathes outside.
He stands -- a huge cock fills the screen! Objectively it's not very big, but we've never seen a close-up of a cock in any tv show before, and rarely anything at all, so it is startling and highly erotic, underscoring that Baby Billy is a creature of prodigious sexual appetite.
Eyes on the Prize: Gideon meditates on the Tao te Ching as the family prepares for church: "Eyes on the prize. To the still mind, the entire universe surrenders." He's actually quoting the Tao te Ching wrong.
Baby Billy's Cock: The childhood home of Eli's late wife, famous Gospel singer Aimee-Leigh. A poster advertises the "Sing for Joy" concert tour, featuring the Freeman's Gap duo, Aimee-Leigh and Baby Billy. Two children on the cover of a single album, "Misbehavin'." They must have been a brother-sister act as children, before Aimee-Leigh became a serious gospel singer. A young woman yells that Baby Billy's hot milk is ready; she brings it to him as he bathes outside.
We see the back of his head -- now white-haired -- as he describes the satellite church his brother-in-law Eli is giving him -- "in the middle of everything -- fun chain restaurants, name-brand clothing stores." We see his face -- fans of Danny McBride's work will recognize him as Walton Goggins of Vice Principals in old-age makeup.
He stands -- a huge cock fills the screen! Objectively it's not very big, but we've never seen a close-up of a cock in any tv show before, and rarely anything at all, so it is startling and highly erotic, underscoring that Baby Billy is a creature of prodigious sexual appetite.
Although Walton Goggins has been nude on camera before, in this case they hired a stunt cock belonging to an unidentified 80-year old man from town,
Trivia note: Baby Billy is actually 66 or 67 in this scene, and Walton Goggins is 51.
Baby Billy promises Tiffany, his new wife -- Number Four, plus a number of boyfriends -- a world of "riches and glamour" with the Gemstones.
Eyes on the Prize: Gideon meditates on the Tao te Ching as the family prepares for church: "Eyes on the prize. To the still mind, the entire universe surrenders." He's actually quoting the Tao te Ching wrong.
On the way to the Salvation Center, his brothers ask about the celebrities he met in Hollywood. Well, Vin Diesel (left). Jesse tries to one-up him by claiming to have met Telly Savalas, star of Kojak (1973-78). Jesse was not born until 1981, so he couldn't have watched in real time.
The Satellite Church: Judy, BJ, and Kelvin are scoping out the dying shopping mall where they opened the satellite church: "All around America, capitalism is dying," Kelvin points out. "That's when we step in." He will never display this insightful knowledge of economics, or anything other than muscles, again.
Queer code: First Kelvin does a little femme flutter and hand-on-waist. Then a hot girl walks past: an opportunity for him to demonstrate that he is heterosexual with a double-take? No,he looks the other way.
Baby Billy is greeting the congregants in front of gigantic photos of himself and Kelvin. Why Kelvin, in particular? Maybe to indicate that they're both outsiders, struggling to be taken seriously by the family. Or because they both have huge cocks.
As Baby Billy begins the service, the siblings watch from offstage. Gideon tunes up his guitar. Judy comments that he's "looking tasty. Staying in shape." Kelvin agrees; "He is. That's showbiz, right? You to to keep a tight physique." You just outed yourself to your sister, Kelv Baby.
Jesse disagrees: lots of people who work behind the scenes are "fat as fuck,." But, Kelvin insists, if you want to be a star, you have to be a "specimen...a straight unit." According to the Urban Dictionary, a "straight unit" is a guy who is tall, strong, muscular, and well-hung. How much farther out can Kelvin get?
Afterwards the siblings meet Tiffany. They disapprove of her countrified lack of refinement, her teeth, and her insistance that they call her Aunt Tiffany, even though she is younger than
More wieners after the break
"Bad Ideas with Adam Devine": When you need to f*k the Sadness in a hurry. With bonus buddy bulges and butts
But you don't have time for a whole movie, or an episode of Workaholicsor The Righteous Gemstones. What do you do?
1. Compete in the World's Hottest Pepper Eating Contest, in the Bahamas. With Thomas Middleditch from Solar Opposites
2. Compete in a demolition derby, the Night of Destruction, at Perris Auto Speedway, near Riverside, California. With Blake Anderson from Workaholics
Blake bulging as a cop-stripper
3. Become stunt performers in a Western movie (after seven minutes of training). With Rebel Wilson from Pitch Perfect
4. Drive an ice cream truck up highway P3 in Peru, called "the Death Road" for its hairpin turns and 1000 foot drops. With Anders Holm from Workaholics
More after the break
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