Jason Marsden: Second hottest of the Short Guy Brigade, Steve Smith, Max Goof, and Robin. With Marsden dicks

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"Human Discoveries" Episode 1.1: Paleolithic hunks invent underwear. With nude Zac Efron and Milo Ventimiglia

 

Human Discoveries (2019) is an animated series (available on Facebook) about a group of Paleolithic humans who discover things like fire, relationships, and underwear.  Zac Efron stars as Gary, a loveable nebbish looking for love, community, and a way to avoid getting his butt bitten. Adam Devine appears in Episode 1 as the leader of an elk community.  I reviewed the first episode, to check for gay characters or subtexts.

Scene 1:  Ugg (Paul Scheer), a bare-chested caveman, comes running out of some bushes. I'm a fan already. 

He and several other muscle guys run through the jungle, chased by a giant sabre-toothed tiger. They reach a cliff, and have to jungle-vine over it.  Bart, doesn't make it; the tiger starts eating him.  The guys make excuses to not save him.

Scene 2: Jane complains about the gender-inequality of their society: the women have to weave baskets and gather fruit, while the men get to fight the tiger that's been preying on them.

At a community meeting, Ugh admits that the tiger is still out there.  Jane raises her concerns about gender equality; Gary (Zac Efron) agrees -- why not have everyone do the job they're best at?  His  roommate Trog (Lamorne Morris, left) thinks that he just wants to impress Jane. 

Meanwhile, the elk are discussing their predicament as prey to the humans. Leader Elk (Adam Devine) complains: "Why are they cared of the tiger but not us? We weigh a thousand pounds, and have spears growing out of our heads."  

Scene 3: Night.  Gary and Jane flirt, and almost kiss, but they are interrupted by the camp guard being eaten ("Why is it starting with my feet?). 

Back in the cave, Gary disapproves of the skirts they wear while hunting -- too easy for his dick to be injured -- so he sews in some nuderwear (nice butt shot)  Trog disapproves: how can they poop with that thing on?

I know this isn't supposed to be historically accurate, but I can't help pointing out that no one in the Paleolithic Era actually lived in caves.  They lived in tents, and in some regions huts made of mammoth bones.  

Scene 4: The men go off to fight the tiger, and the women are assigned to weave baskets.  Jane starts a rebellion: they're going to fight, too. But who's going to weave the baskets?  Jane appoints an old guy who is a closet basket-weaver.  "No more hiding!" he exclaims, displaying the baskets he has hiding in "the closet."

In the wild, Gary brags about the comfort and support his new genital hammock offers.  Two of the hunters, Tristain and Bog (James Adomian, Sam Richardson) are a canonical couple: later, when the group discovers "relationships," they point out that they've been together for years. But here they just display some enthusiasm for each other's accomplishments.  

Scene 5:  The women dig holes and build scarecrows with spikes in the head, hoping that the tiger will attack and impale itself.  But when the tiger arrives, chasing the men, it is not impaled.  It approaches Gary -- who poops his pants, distracting the tiger long enough for Ugg-- to spear it.

Unfortunately, the women were so busy building the scarecrows and digging  holes that they forgot to gather any fruit to eat. So Ugg decrees that the gender-polarized work assignments will remain.

More after the break

"Christmas on Cherry Lane": Three families, including a gay couple, with a big plot twist that you won't see coming

 

Christmas on Cherry Lane (2023) stars Vincent Rodriguez III, the muscular, bulging actor who specializes in family-friendly gay guys.  I figured I would watch in the background while doing other things on my laptop, but no, it requires you to pay attention.  There's a major plot twist.  I'm giving only the character names, not the actors' names.

There are three families on Cherry Lane on Christmas Eve

Family 1: John and Lizzie, who is due in two weeks,  just moved into the house, and are planning a quiet Christmas alone. They put up the tree and sing "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful," with a Hallmark Tree Trimmer ornament.  This will become important later.

Suddenly Lizzie's Mom and Dad arrive, and announce that they invited her brother and his family!  But Johnand Lizzie haven't even unpacked. Where will they put all those people?  

Left: Dad Frank 

Family 2: Regina and her friend Daisy, not shown, unpack Christmas decorations.  Her back story: she's a widow with adult children, and a boyfriend named Nelson.    

The adult kids, Winnie and Conrad, arrive in a horrible car.  Why does he keep it, now that he's making a ton of money?  Because his Uncle Ham gave it to him after Dad died. This will be important later.  

Sister Winnie doesn't have a job, except singing at open-mike nights for tips, but she'll be a famous singer one day, she says.  Mom wants her to try business school.

Mom announces that she's getting married to her Boyfriend, and she's selling the house and moving to Florida.  The adult children do not like this at all, and plot to break them up.

Family #3: Zian, left, and Mike, who works as a chef at a restaurant called Repair. They just moved into their house, too, and they're planning a Christmas Eve party tonight with twelve people.  Except contractor Quinn and his crew haven't finished remodeling the kitchen yet.  He brings them a plate of Christmas cookies, complements them on what a cute couple they are, and asks if "that famous singer" is coming to the party.  This will be important later.

Mike is freaking out.  Maybe they could move the party to the restaurant?  No, this is the first Christmas in their new house, where they're going to raise their family, so it's important to hold it here.  They walk outside and sit on lawn chairs in the cold and sing "Silent Night."  All of it.

Speaking of starting a family, the lady from the adoption agency tells them that the foster family they were placing a girl with backed out, so they're getting a child tonight -- on Christmas Eve.  With twelve people coming for a party.  Hopefully a family-friendly party.  How are they going to get a bedroom ready?

More plot complications after the break.  Spoiler alert: it's a big plot twist.