Ten Dudes from Rejected Reviews: From Matt Bomer to Tom Goodman-Hill

I find potential movies and tv shows to review on my streaming service recommendations, the social media of actors I follow, and if I have just completed a profile of someone, like Cory Chapman or Michael Provost, their work on the IMDB.  If the premise is interesting, or there are two guys together on the icon, I might just click "play," but usually there's some research involved.

Do the episode synopses mention a same-sex friendship or rescue?  Is there minimal man-woman kissing in the trailer?  Are there any beefcake or nude photos of the male cast members?  

Sometimes I collect nude photos for illustrations, and then decide against the review after reading a plot synopsis or Rotten Tomatoes score, or after watching for a few minutes.  The result is a folder full of naked guys from rejected reviews.  I hate to delete them, so I'm posting them for their aesthetic value.

1. Adam Rayner in Tyrant: An American family drawn into the politics of a fictional Middle Eastern nation.  A gay guy eventually comes out and finds a boyfriend, who is killed,  I don't do the Bury Your Gays trope.  Next!

2. I was planning a review of "The Unicorn and the Wasp," a Doctor Who episode with gay characters, so I searched for "Christopher Tennant." 

"Christopher Benjamin" popped up,  nude on stage doing The Fairy Queen. But the full-sized photo was behind a pay wall, so I tried someone else in the cast, Robert Burt.

Except this isn't Robert Burt the stage actor. The link goes to a set of pictures illustrating the works of poet Robert Hamberger, models unknown. 

3. Turns out that the Doctor I was looking for was actually played by David Tennant.  A new search on "David Tennant" yielded Harry Lawtrey in Industry.

The British drama about job applicants in a finance firm had two gay characters, but the opening sequences were boring, so no review.  Next!

4. A reader recommended The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare for its buddy-bonding and beefcake.  As of this writing it's in theaters only, so I scanned its cast list and found Hero Fiennes Tiffin -- great name -- which led me to The Loneliest Boy in the World.  The boy appears to be falling in love with a boy zombie.   But it's not available on any of my streaming services. Next!

5. Depressing disease-of-the-week medical dramas are usually a resounding "No!", but The Good Doctor had a gay character played by Noah Galvin, so I researched him.  A former Hasidic Jew, conflicted, confused, self-doubting, guilt ridden, who finally gets a boyfriend -- only to have him killed on the day they become engaged.  

Before I noped out of there, I found some nude photos of Noah Galvin's real-life boyfriend, Ben Platt

More nude dudes after the break

Arthur Napiontek: Comedian, model, geographer, heterosexist man-candy

 

In Pineapple Express (2008),  mild-mannered process server Dale (Seth Rogen), his dealer (James Franco), and their supplier (Danny McBride) must flee from thugs trying to kill them. At one point Dale goes to the high school to tell his underage girlfriend that he won't be able to have dinner her parents, because of that fleeing thing.

But then a hot guy named Clark (Arthur Napiontek) approaches.  She praises his performance in drama class.  He returns the gym shorts that she left in his car when they worked out last week, assures Dale that he will protect her in college next year, and heads out to home economics class: "It's time to suck today's dick!"   Obviously gay, but Dale is still jealous and agrees to go to the dinner after all. 

I'm not sure if the phrase "It's time to suck today's dick" is gay-positive or homophobic.

This was Art Napiontek's first major movie role.  Although the 21 year old was cast for his comedic talent, not his physique, he took his clothes off in The Brotherhood V (2009), one of those David DeCouteau movies where straight guys bond in their underwear.  

Oddly, most of his later movie and tv roles do not involve flexing.  He did manage to take his clothes off for a gig on Conan (the talk show, not the Barbarian), but otherwise he has played a series of fully-clothed frat boys and hot guys, usually in comedies. 

Occasionally with gay content but usually not: Looking is a gay-themed series, but Boys from the Bar (2011) is about straight bartenders in a gay bar who just want to watch the game, and Switch Hitter (2015) is not about bisexuals,

In real life, Art has a wife and child and posts about how much he likes vaginas, so I'll assume that he's heterosexual. This photo spread in OK Magazine assumes that only ladies are interested in "Man Candy." 

More Arthur after the break

Zac Efron's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Penis expert Adam Devine evaluates Zac Efron's. With some examples.

In Neighbors, 2014, Zac Efron plays a fraternity dude who butt heads with neighbor Seth Rogan. The Workaholics guys had a cameo as fratboys from an earlier generation, so Zac and Seth responded by applying for jobs on their show.

Zac wooes Adam by giving him a lap dance, and then whipping it out.  "Holy God, it's amazing!" Adam exclaims.  He's an expert on dicks, but he's never seen anything like it. "Did Leonardo da Vinci sculpt that? It's beautiful."

Of course, the guy with the biggest dick gets the job.

Adam didn't actually get to see Zac's dick that day, but he did in 2015, when they starred as hapless brothers in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates.

"It's a very handsome dick," he tells us, "It's just as veiny as his arms." 

Later -- yes, he's asked about it a lot -- he said "It's as thick as his arm, and veiny!"

The guys were in the midst of a hot-and-heavy bromance that lasted until 2021, when Adam married Chloe Bridges.  So doubtless he's seen it many times since.

But we haven't.

Zac has appeared semi-nude several times in movies and on tv.  We've seen his butt.  We see his physique from the waist up all the time.  But he keeps the beneath-the-belt stuff reserved for girlfriends and bromantic partners.

Penis after the break