"Mosaic" Episode 1.3: Two gay guys, a murder, a dead alligator, and Pee Wee Herman. With some nude dudes.

In Mosaic (2017), con artist Eric (Frederick Weller) has been convicted of murdering his latest con victim, famous children's author Olivia Lake.  His sister Petra thinks he's innocent, and begins investigating the other men in Olivia's life: "she liked to surround herself with young guys." 

First up: Joel (Garrett Hedlund, here entertaining his boyfriend in On The Road), an aspiring artist who used to live on Olivia's property.  

He's not a suspect -- he was at a 10:00 pm showing of The Hobbit with male friend at the time of the murder.  Or was he?  Maybe the boyfriend lied to protect him.   Wait -- male friend?  Is this guy gay?

Cut to Joel living a "normal" life in backwoods Slidell, Louisiana, running a company called Big Bayou Gator Guides. He motors a man and his two kids (James, Kelton, and Sinclair Dumont) into the swamp to look at alligators.  Scratch that -- he helps Kelton shoot one!   

Violent rite of passage, I guess.  Then he helps them pack the meat into a chest marked "Not for Sale," and gives them the name of a taxidermist. 

Petra intrudes upon Joel's alligator-skull-filled shop with questions about her brother and the dead author: "Look, I hardly knew him!" he exclaims. I heard that before.  Were they dating?  Joel is living with a guy.  He is definitely gay.

Nope.  I shouldn't watch these episodes out of order.  In Episode 1, Olivia the famous author and her gay bestie JC (Paul Reubens) compete for the attention of handsome bartender Joel.  He chooses the old lady over the old dude.  Plus he hooked up with a girl on New Year's Eve.  So he's straight.

But there's more gay content: Petra and Joel investigate the "story walk" with pop-ups from Olivia's book, Whose Woods These Are.  When he lived on her property, Joel used to take walks there, and one night he stumbled upon two guys going at it.  One turns out to be Cameron, the chief suspect. 

Two gay guys, and one isn't even a suspect! I may have to watch the rest of this.  

In the meantime, here's Garrett Hedlund's butt.

And a frontal of James Ransome, who plays Olivia's uber-rich neighbor and best friend.

See also: James and Kelton Dumont Cute/Cuddly Photos, Part 1

Nude Photos of Kelton Dumont

Kelton Dumont in his birthday suits

Dad/son actors James and Kelton Dumont and their hunky costars and hung heartthrobs

Leonardo DiCaprio: Nude photos of Arthur Rimbaud, Howard Hughes, the Great Gatsby, and Elijah Wood's good buddy

 

I watch mostly comedy and science fiction, and Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't do much of either, so I've only seen a few of his movies: Romeo x Juliet, Inception, The Great Gatsby, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.  But I've heard of many: they win Critic Association awards, get discussed on first dates, end up on top of people's "my favorite movie" lists

He is not a beefcake star, but a surprising number of his film appearances involve nudity.

In 1994, playing Arthur Rimbaud in Total Eclipse, Leo gave us full frontal and rear shots. (Don't worry, he's over 18 here).

Rimbaud was gay, lover of established poet Paul Verlaine, and author of one of  my favorite poems, "The Drunken Boat."  But I never saw the movie because both of the poets repent, turn straight, and get girlfriends.

Playing a troubled youth in The Basketball Diaries (1995).  Leo is on the far right.

More Leo after the break

Vice Principals, Episode 3.5: Gamby dates a high school boy, and gay rumors destroy your life

 I'm reviewing Vice Principals Episode 3.5 because a casual viewing revealed a strong, if rather discomforting, gay subtext and a lot of homophobia.

Scene 1: Lee (Walton Goggins), scheming principal of North Jackson High, and his wife Christine are having dinner in a restaurant. He is being dismissive and controlling.  Suddenly Kevin Yoon (Keong Sim, below) appears -- they haven't seen him since college!  He barely acknowledges Lee while gazing with absurdly overacted "girl of my dreams" longing at Christine.  He explains: "I had a bit of a rough time in college, with the rumors, but after counseling I got my life together.  I have a wife and kids."  What rumors destroy your life and require counseling? Sexual assault of a minor?

Christine promises to "friend" him on Facebook and keep in touch, which makes Lee roil with jealousy.

Scene 2: On the way home in the car, we learn that Christine was dating Kevin Yoon, so Lee told her that he was gay, and she dumped him. Why didn't she ask Kevin about it? Maybe Lee was lying, or maybe Kevin was bi and still interested in her.  

The rumor spread around and destroyed his life. Christine is upset because "wife and kids" -- he's straight! Or bi, girlfriend.   She could have married him and had a happy life, instead of being stuck with a man she hates. This is utterly ridiculous.  Did they go to college in 1958?  Was it Hate-Gays University?  How homophobic does McBride think that American society is?

Scene 3:  Vice Principal Gamby (Danny McBride) in the high school parking lot, trying to figure out who shot him in the Season 1 finale.  Jen (Edi Patterson), a teacher with an absurdly unstable crush on him, asks him to be her date at Lee's big birthday party.  He refuses. The lesbian security guard comments that she has a nice body: "I'd fuck her."

Scene 4: The guys on exercise bikes.  Lee suggests that Gamby bring "a hot-ass woman" to his big birthday party, to make his crush jealous and get her to fall in love with him. That strategy usually works in junior high.   But Gamby has another strategy: he's going to prove that he's "a charitable man."

Scene 5: Gamby marches into the restroom, where the delinquent Robin is smoking with his buds.  Earlier he was expelled for having drugs in his locker (which Gamby planted), but now he's back, and Gamby wants to redeem him (for his own selfish ends).  He orders Robin to come to the party as his date: "you're going to show everyone there that I made a positive impact on your life and made you a better human being." 

"But I don't want to go to your stupid pedo party!"  Well, technically it's ephebophile, adult erotic interest in adolescents.

Gamby calls him a "whore," and offers to pay him. Adolescent male prostitution.  This gets worse and worse. "You will be polite, you will be cordial, and you will wear this nice outfit I bought you."

Scene 6: Before the party, Lee is ordering around the caterers and being a jackass to Christine, while she forlornly scrolls through Kevin Yoon's social media, thinking of the life she could have had if only she hadn't dumped him the moment Lee said the g-word.  Imagine that conversation: "Your boyfriend is gay." "WHAT? I'm so disgusted, I never want to see him again! Are you free tomorrow night?"

Lee catches her scrolling and shoves a pill in her mouth without her consent.  

Scene 7: Gamby arrives at Robin's slovenly hovel to pick him up for their date.  His mother is nonchalant about it. Apparently adult men often drop by the house to take Robin out on dates.  Robin isn't wearing the outfit Gamby bought him.  He lays down the law:   "If you embarrass me tonight, I will snap your fucking neck.  Now let's go have fun at this party."  Aww, they're already acting like a couple.

Scene 8:  The party.  Extremely heteronormative: the lesbian security guard is dancing with a man, and the gay-vague drama teacher is dancing with a woman. No same-sex couples, except of course Gamby and Robin:  Arm-on-back affection and calling Robin "handsome" as Gamby introduces him around.  They're really making this look like a real date. 

Robin, who appears in seven episodes, is played by Alexandra McVicker.  She transitioned after Vice Principals, so some of her other work and the VP fan wiki still list her as "Conner."  A trans woman playing a possibly-gay high school boy?  Interesting dynamic. 

Scene 9:  Lee orders Christine around; she passively-aggressively ignores him and gets drunk  Wait -- he drugged you.  If it was an opiate, you could die.   He wants to know why she is acting so weird.  Then Kevin Yoon shows up.  Lee has a fit, but Christine invited him, so he's not leaving.  Lee asks the lesbian security guard to kick him out (sorry, her name is never given, and she is not listed on the wikipedia cast list).  

So she accosts him in the bathroom and threatens to rough him up unless he leaves.

Scene 10:  Looking for a secluded spot to smoke marijuana, Robin finds the master bedroom.  Christine is there, sitting on the floor, drunk and miserable because she's married to Lee instead of Kevin Yoon.  They share a joint.  Are they going to make out to demonstrate that Robin is actually straight?

More after the break