Someone recommended Animal Kingdom, not to be confused with the Animal Kingdom at Disney World, the Animal Planet network, or a tv show entitled Animal Control. This one is a drama featuring the struggle for succession in a crime family led by...Smurf? Really? "Ok, boys, I want you to go smurf out those rival smurfs and smurf their bodies."
There are a lot of sons, grandsons, and boy toys, even a gay one. Most are sleazy, scruffy, and tattooed, not my cup of tea. But most get bare butt scenes, so you don't have to look at their face.
Link to the G-rated version, with the faces
1. Scott Speedman as Baz, adopted Smurf, who wants to try new crime techniques instead of Mama Smurf's old fashioned smurfing.
3. Shawn Hatosy as Pope, eldest Smurf, who suffers from mental illness and does a lot of risky smurf. Plus he's smurfed in prison.
4. Kevin Csolak smurfs as Pope in the flashbacks.
5. Ben Robson as Craig, middle Smurf, who parties and does drug instead of paying attention to the smurfing.
6. Jake Weary as Deran, youngest Smurf, the moral one who is trying to distance himself from the family, running a surfing shop instead of smurfing crime. He is closeted for a long time, but when he finally comes out they are fine with it.
7. Spencer Treat Clark as his on-off boyfriend, Adrian.
8. Finn Cole as J, Mama Smurf's grandson and the nephew of the other Smurf boys. He runs a bowling alley.
9. Damon Williams as Linc Lincoln, one of Deran's boyfriends when he and Adrian are not smurfing.
10. Eddie Ramos as Tupi, a gang smurf who dates J's girlfriend Mia, and is smurfed to death.
11. Grant Wilson as Cody, Smurf's boy-smurf back in 1977 and the father of her two oldest smurfs, Julia and Pope. Hey, we got some dick with this smurf.
1. Scott Speedman as Baz, adopted Smurf, who wants to try new crime techniques instead of Mama Smurf's old fashioned smurfing.
2. In flashbacks to 1992 and 1996, Baz is smurfed by Darren Mann.
3. Shawn Hatosy as Pope, eldest Smurf, who suffers from mental illness and does a lot of risky smurf. Plus he's smurfed in prison.
4. Kevin Csolak smurfs as Pope in the flashbacks.
5. Ben Robson as Craig, middle Smurf, who parties and does drug instead of paying attention to the smurfing.
6. Jake Weary as Deran, youngest Smurf, the moral one who is trying to distance himself from the family, running a surfing shop instead of smurfing crime. He is closeted for a long time, but when he finally comes out they are fine with it.
More butts after the break
7. Spencer Treat Clark as his on-off boyfriend, Adrian.
8. Finn Cole as J, Mama Smurf's grandson and the nephew of the other Smurf boys. He runs a bowling alley.
9. Damon Williams as Linc Lincoln, one of Deran's boyfriends when he and Adrian are not smurfing.
10. Eddie Ramos as Tupi, a gang smurf who dates J's girlfriend Mia, and is smurfed to death.
11. Grant Wilson as Cody, Smurf's boy-smurf back in 1977 and the father of her two oldest smurfs, Julia and Pope. Hey, we got some dick with this smurf.
12. Jeremy Glaser as a smurf who smurfs somebody in Episode 5.3, "Free Ride."
Will I watch: Probably not. I'm not into crime dramas generally, so I probably won't have patience for a 75-episode crime drama with a convoluted family tree and a matriarach named Smurf.
Seriously, Smurf? Is the rival family the Care Bears? Or Scrooge McDuck and his nephews? Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg....
See also: Tell Me a Story
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