"Wrecked": Gay guy and his lesbian bff solve a mystery on a cruise ship. With a homicidal duck.

Hulu's six-episode Wreck, not to be confused with the Lost parody Wrecked, has a plot icon with two boy-girl couples, and a plot synopsis about Jamie (Oscar Kennedy) and Vivian, no doubt his Love Interest investigating dark secrets on a cruise ship. But Episode 5 is entitled "Needle in a Gay Stack," so there must be gay characters around somewhere. I reviewed the first episode.

Scene 1: A girl's butt swimming underwater.  Ugh, a dreadful beginning. She puts on a towel, stares in disgust at herself in the mirror, and then argues with stalking "I can't live without you!" ex-boyfriend Danny (Jack Rowan).

Left: Jack Rowan's butt

Scene 2: Fielding Ex-Boyfriend Danny's hysterical texts, the girl walks through a gigantic shopping mall and some corridors.  Suddenly a knife-wielding person in a duck costume starts chasing her. Wait -- is this a comedy?  

Surprise -- we're on a gigantic cruise ship -- I count at least ten decks.  

After running and hiding for a long time, she yells "You can't have me!" and jumps overboard!  

Scene 3: Three months later, the ship is docked. Pretending to be someone named Cormac, Jamie signs his contract and then joins the others for an informational video: girls in bikinis telling us "Welcome to Velorum, where your dreams set sail."  Ugh

Their supervisors are introduced: Staff Captain Karen, Second Officer Beaker, Third Officer Sam Rhodes (Louis Boyer), who gets gazed at by some girls.  By the way, the ship symbol is a duck carrying a surf board. 

Left: Louis Boyer's butt and back dick.

Grand tour: apparently there are 2,000 employees?  Crew mess hall, Little Ducks Soft Play Palace, theater, officer's mess hall, gym. promenade.  Everything is horribly regimented and authoritarian.  This is definitely not your grandpa's Love Boat.

Jamie/Cormac couples-up with Vivian, no doubt his Love Interest,  Two other recruits couple up: Jerome (Diego Andres) and Lauren.

The entertainment crew, five girls and a boy, snob past in slow motion.  Everyone gawks.  Staff Captain Karen says that they're busy rehearsing "Apocalypse Wow. Wow Wow."  Ok, so it's a comedy.  You'd never know that from the somber, deadly-serious plot synopsis.  

Asked if he's dating anyone, Jamie/Cormac says "No.  Sheffield's gay scene isn't exactly flourishing."  A gay protagonist, outed at Minute 10!  So Vivian is not his Love Interest after all.

More after the break

David Henrie: The Wizard of Waverly Place re-wizards, but is he as gay-friendly and naked as his costars?

I thought lightning might strike twice, or rather five times. The Wizards of Waverly Place, which ran on the Disney Channel from 2007 to 2012, featured countless gay subtexts and about a dozen beefcake hunks who have gone on to a gay-positive adulthood.

Gregg Sulkin, left, displays his biceps and bulge in gay magazines.

Jake T. Austin starred in the gay-friendly The Fosters.

Dan Benson runs a gay-friendly OnlyFans page, where he reviews adult products and shows his dick.

Selena Gomez is "mostly straight," and reveals that her character, Alex Russo, was bisexual, but the Disney censors wouldn't let them say so.

David DeLuise is a gay ally who has a j/o video online -- after the break.

So what about David Henrie, who played eldest wizard in the family, Justin Russo?

Since Wizards, he has done a lot of voice work, and had minor roles in movies: 

Lane in Paul Blart, Mall Cop

Rudy Isling -- Walt Disney's competitor -- in Walt Before Mickey.

Clean Cut Man in Cardboard Boxer, about a homeless man who is forced into cage matches.

Sebastian in This is the Year, about a teen road trip.  David also directed, and his brother Lorenzo Henrie starred.  

The Young Ronald Reagan in a 2024 biopic.  Ugh.

Six episodes of Underdeveloped, a mockumentary about inept producers.

No gay content here.

 

David is now starring in Wizards Beyond Waverly Place:  Justin Russo gave up his wizard powers so he could marry a mortal woman.  Wait -- weren't his parents a mortal and a wizard?    Now he's a middle school vice principal with a wife and two sons, wearing an annoyingly overstated wedding ring that he flaunts around like a newly-engaged schoolgirl.

Trouble begins when he and his wife must become the foster parents to a girl who was raised in the wizard world.  And by the way, the fate of the universe is in her hands.

I watched two episodes -- awful.  No beefcake, no gay subtexts, except that Justin's son, played by Alkaio Thiele, doesn't mention an interest in girls.  A Redditer thinks that he will come out as gay eventually, but he'll have to get past his Dad first.

Is David at least gay-friendly in real life?  

Answer after the break. Caution: explicit.

Kelton Dumont's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: Birthday biceps, bare bums, rugger dicks, and brothers for life

This is a collection of cute/cool or hot/hung photos of actor Kelton Dumont, best known as Pontius in The Righteous Gemstones.  He's over 18 in all of them.  There are also photos of a few friends. 

1. "I've been working out."

2. "Maybe if  I make a funny face, they won't notice my biceps. It worked for Adam Devine.

3. "My 21st birthday. I'm finally bigger than my Dad."

4. "I'm finally bigger than Gavin."

5. "I'm finally bigger than Adam...um, I mean taller, dude."

6. Kelton gets a homemade sign to welcome him to Leigh, a village near Manchester, England.

More after the break. Caution: explicit.