The Seminarian 2011: "A seminarian saves a lady's life. They fall in love." And "A closeted gay seminarian struggles..." Well, which is it? It can't be both
. The only way to find out is to watch on Roku (or to look very closely at the DVD cover).
Scene 1: Whoa, the first scene shows a very well hung naked guy changing clothes in his kitchen! Now we know the audience they're going after.
He's Ryan Goodman (Goodman, har har) (Mark Cirillo), who lives in an incredible decadent-red apartment with his "when will you find a girl and get married" mother. He is about to graduate from a conservative evangelical seminary, but he doesn't want to become a preacher: he's applying to a Ph.D. program at Yale.
Scene 2: Meeting with his thesis advisor. Ryan is writing on how "love and desire" encourage procreation, protection, and socialization, "which enable us to survive and persist as a species." The point of life is reproduction? That's the house, job, wife, kids trajectory that my parents were always pushing on me. I thought a gay guy would come up with something less oppressive. Besides, he forgot the theology. "Oh, right...um...when we love each other, we reflect God's love." .
Scene 3: A restroom hookup leads to a heart-to-heart. The guy had a bad breakup six years ago, and hasn't dated anyone since. "So you're content without love?" Mark asks, horrified. Some people are aromantic, and some are asexual.
Scene 4: Mark has only one gay friend on campus, Gerald (Matthew Hanon), who has just been dumped by his boyfriend, and doesn't have the energy to listen to his "love is bollocks" moaning. Also a sraight friend, Eugene, who plasters the campus with "Protect Traditional Marriage" fliers.
Although he has a girlfriend, Straight Eugene argues that you don't need to be in a relationship -- God's love is enough. If you disagree, you don't understand God, and what are you doing in seminary? Judgmental, aren't you? Oh, right, you're training to become a preacher, and hate gays for a living.
Scene 5: Mark working on his thesis: "When you love another human being, you love God." He pauses for cybersex with Bradley, his online boyfriend, who lives too far away to meet.
Scene 6: Mark decides to busybody into his gay friend Gerald's relationship, but they have reconciled and don't want him nosing around.
Cut to the gym, where Mark is talking to his other gay friend about the Online Boyfriend. "So he lives far away. You have to go see him, or you will never find love." Dude, you live in Los Angeles. Just walk into any bar and say "I have 8 inches. Who wants to buy me dinner?"
Cut to Mark sitting on a bench, looking morose while Straight Eugene flirts with his girlfriend.
More Mark after the break
