"The Dead Don't Die": By-the-numbers Zombie Apocalypse, with some gay subtexts and Josh O'Connor's dick

  

The problem with Movie Night is, I'm asked to choose something from the "new selections" on Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime,  and MAX, with no research, just a cover blurb.  Then, if it turns out to be awful, I get blamed: "You picked this!"  

Last night I selected The Dead Don't Die on Hulu, because it starred Bill Murry and it was about zombies in a small town.  I was wondering if anything new could be said about zombies after so many years of being blasted by Zombie Apocalypses.  

No. Other than a few absurdist touches, like characters being aware that they're in a movie and an alien spaceship that appears out of nowhere, picks up Tilda Swinton, and vanishes, it's the standard. Due to..um...fracking?,,, day and night get mixed up, cell phones don't work, and the dead re-animate.  

They crawl out of their graves, fully corporeal,  even though some have been dead for centuries -- and eat the living in a small Pennsylvania town.  Maybe everywhere in the world. The only suspense is wondering who will get eaten next.

This movie needs an editor.  Cop #1 enters the diner to look at the two zombie-eaten waitresses. We see one, then the other, with their innards turned into spaghetti.  Cop #2 enters to look.  We see one, then the other again.  Cop #3 enters to look.  We see one, then the other a third time!  

But on the bright side, there is no hetero-romance, and we see many gay subtexts.  Probably unintentional.

The main zombies and zombie-dinners are:

1.-3. Three big city hipsters:Austin Butler, top photo; Luka Sabbat; and Selena Gomez.  They stop for gas and for some reason decide to stay overnight in the town's decrepit hotel instead of continuing on to Pittsburgh. Selena flirts with every guy in sight, even when she doesn't want to get something from him, but there's no indication that she's dating either of her companions.

4-7. Police officers Bill Murray and Adam Driver, second photo.  Adam asks the female police officer at the station for a date, and Bill had an affair with town drunk Carol Kane.  But the two end up together, with a sort of buddy-bonding going on before they are killed.

8-9. Neither racist farmer Steve Buscemi nor cat-loving hotel manager Larry Fessenden, left, have wives at home, mention dead wives, or flirt with the gals at the diner.

10-12. Caleb Landry Jones, who played a gay guy in Stonewall, runs the gas station/horror movie memorabilia shop, seems to have a crush on delivery  driver RZA.  He almost asks him for a date, but loses his nerve. Later he is trapped in a hardware store with Danny Glover, and almost grabs his hand before they are eaten.

Bonus: Caleb Landry's butt

More after the break

Nude New Orleans: Eight Cajun cocks and bulging backcity boys for your crewe

 

So many of my recent profiles have been of guys from New Orleans that it seemed apropos to post a photo collection. I've been three times, once for spring break, once for a conference at Tulane University, and once for Halloween, so I've actually met two or three of these guys.  I'm not saying which.

The Halloween visit was my favorite.

This dude is actually from Donaldsonville, about 60 miles west.  Close enough.

I'm interested in the Afro-Caribbean religions, the religions that enslaved West Africans brought with them and kept hidden under their forced Christian practices.  When they were forced into Roman Catholicism, as in New Orleans and Haiti, they found a lot of statues of saints that could be used for venerating their orishas.  The result was what we now call voodoo.

But avoid the tourist-trap voodoo shops.

A cute naked guy, lapsed Pentecostal.

An actor, mostly in local theater, not nearly as big has his photo suggests.

More after the break.  Caution: explicit.

Jacob Sartorius: Femme teen idol into heterosexism, cowboys, and frontal nudity

I had no idea who Jacob Sartorius was, just that Kelton Dumont knew him, before I started the research.  According to Google, he's an American media personality and singer, born in October 2002, shoe size 5. 

Whoa -- 23 million followers on Tiktok, 12 million followers on Instagram, 1.5 million on X, 1.1 million on Facebook. Apparently a lot of people have heard of him.

"Sartorius" sounds like a pseudonym. It's a long, narrow muscle running across the front of your thigh.  Or he may have been thinking of sartor, "tailor" in Latin, as in the famous novel by Thomas Carlyle, Sartor Resartus.

I don't do Tiktok, but Jacob the Muscle or Jacob the Tailor's Instagram is loaded-down with femme imagery.  Here he appears to be coming out as trans, or maybe showing trans solidarity.

Nice chest, girlfriend, and I dig the hot pink coffin.  You'll make a fabulous vampire.

Jacob the Muscle or the Taylor is so femme, one assumes that he's gay, but fan comments disagree:

"Jacob is not gay!  Haters gonna make these vicious accusations!"

"Why does everybody hate Jacob Sartorius? Jojo Siwa is a gay icon."

"Jacob Sartorius admits that he's gay."

"Jacob Sartorius is gay! 100% proof, real,  not clickbait!"

"Are you gay?   That's so awful, who's even gay anymore? You're just following a trend!"

So, what exactly is this femme non-gay muscle tailor famous for?

He was a teen idol for the social media generation.  As a femme boy, he was subjected to bullying and harassment, so he escaped by lip-synching to popular songs on the Vine website.  After gaining millions of followers, he released his own single, "Sweatshirt," in 2017:

Baby, if you are not ready for my kiss -- you can wear my sweatshirt

And "Hit or Miss"

Let's not worry about tomorrow, we all good baby

Genius lists 43 songs.  The ones I checked were utterly heterosexist, like "Trapped in My Car":

Got all these pretty girls, and they try'na rule my world

As far back as Bobby Sherman and Shaun Cassidy, teen idols have been packaged as pretty, androgynous, femme: more cute than sexy, less threatening to the intended audience of heterosexual preteen and early-teen girls. 

Fan comments come from both boys and girls, however. Presumably they're early-teens, not grown-ups:

"I love you so much!"

"You are sexy.  I live for you!"

"Jacob, I love you!  I want to move to where you live and meet you and kiss you and marry you!"

"Jacob, why you so damn sexy?"

More Jacob after the break. Caution: explicit.