"Florida Man, Episode 1.1": Edgar Ramirez solves a murder in a gay-free Florida. With his dick and butt for free.

Nick Arapoglou played "the voice of Evangelical homophobia" in Gemstones Episode 3.4, the concerned parent who told Kelvin about the "rumors swirling around," and caused him to flee in a panic.  In real life, of course Nick is a gay ally. 

Looking through his IMDB listings, I saw that he has a starring role as Joshua Morrow in four episodes of Florida Man (2023).  I've been to Florida, and I like men, so let's take a look

Scene 1: A Gambler's Anonymous meeting.  Mike (Edgar Ramirez) notes that his gambling lost him his wife and his job.  Heterosexual identity established, we move on.

Well, not before we see Edgar's dick.

Scene 2: Mike is working as an enforcer for a mobster, the Super Hunk Moss Yakov (Emory Cohen) He tracks down Gil (Nick Basta)  at a hardware store, criticizes his weight, and then chases him to the loading dock, whereupon Gil falls and breaks his legs.

Later, Mike meets up with his ex-wife, a standard hot-woman-with-chubby-guy arrangement. He returns the ring that he pawned, but she still won't take him back. Having just been made detective, she asks for his help getting at the gangster Moss Yankov.  He refuses.

Scene 3:  Super Hunk accosts Gil from Scene 2.  Gil offers sunken treasure instead of the money he owes, but Super Hunk says no.  

Left: Super-Hunk Emory's dick.  Ignore the lady leg.

Cut to a woman with her boobs showing and the hair of a country-western singer sits at her vanity, next to a framed portrait of her boobs.  Apparently boobs are uncommon, so the camera has to give us a good look, in case we've never seen any before (come to think of it, I haven't, not in real life, thank God).  Gil is getting beat up downstairs, so this must be his house or Super-Hunk's house.

How can she concentrate on her make-up with all that screaming?  I agree; that's what enforcers are for. 

She storms downstairs, as the camera shows us the rest of her body. Ever hear of a bathrobe, lady?  "Super-Hunk, it's my birthday!  When are you going to be done with work so we can go out?"

More Florida after the break

Gideon moves out of the friend zone: A Gideon x Keefe romance

I revised the sex scene to make it parallel Kelvin's date with Percy.

"This is it," Gideon Gemstone told himself as he stood at the entrance of Woodpecker's Carpentry, watching the workers inside, and trying not to be noticed.  "Enough stalling.  You make your move now, or forget about it."

Suddenly a burly middle-aged man in a blue worker's suit appeared. "Hello.  I'm Bishop, the owner.  Can I help you with something?"

"I was just admiring the wood carvings.  I like that Grinch in a Santa Claus suit, and the bobble-head Trump...."  Thinking fast, he added. "But I was really looking for a birthday present for my Granddad.  Eli Gemstone -- you probably heard of him."

"The pastor at the Salvation Center? Sure, half my crew goes there, or watches the Praise Be to He hour on Sunday mornings. He's retired, isn't he? Who's the preacher now?"

"Jesse Gemstone.  I'm his son, Gideon."

He chuckled.  "How about that!   We're having a run on Gemstones today.  Your Uncle Kelvin was in earlier, probably shopping for the same thing.  He was talkin' up a storm with our new guy, Keefe."

Uncle Kelvin!  Gulp -- maybe it was too late.

For two years, Uncle Kelvin had been bringing Keefe to family dinners, barbecues, Christmas parties, everything: the hottest guy Gideon had ever seen. with shoulder-length blond hair, a short beard, an incredibly muscular chest inscribed faintly with a 666.  That remnant of his former Satanism made him even hotter.  

Were Kelvin and Keefe boyfriends?  The evangelical "don't ask, don't tell" policy meant that they would pretend to be just good buddies, regardless.  Even their social media pages were ambiguous.  But what if they were?  Being screwed by a guy who had screwed his uncle!  Forbidden romance, with a hint of incest -- could he get much hotter?  Gideon began fantasizing about Keefe -- a lot.

Then Keefe announced on his Instagram that he was moving out of the Gemstone compound. Two days later, that he was no longer working as assistant youth pastor: he had returned to his old job as a carpenter.  Obviously they had broken up -- if they were ever boyfriends in the first place. A perfect time for Gideon to move in!

Suddenly Gideon realized that Bishop was staring at him, expecting him to say something.  "Sure, I know Keefe.  He used to be the assistant youth pastor at the Salvation Center.  I'll bet Uncle Kelvin wanted to commission a gift for Granddad.  Hey, maybe we could go in on a gift together.  Could I talk to him?"

"I'll go get him." Burly retreated to the work floor.  A moment later, Keefe appeared -- incredibly hot in a work shirt that left his arms and shoulders bare.  He smiled...a good sign, right?  "Hi, Gideon.  How's the family doing?"

No, don't bring up the family! Especially don't bring up Kelvin!  You want to get him alone.  "Fine, I think.  I haven't talked to anyone but my Mom and Dad for awhile."  

They stared at each other.  Was Keefe attracted to him?  Gideon couldn't tell.  "So...the boss says you want a commission?"

"Maybe.  I was thinking of something for...no...I mean, I'd like you to do a commission, sure, but I really came here to ask..."

"Ask what?"  

Why was this so hard?  He had asked guys for dates before.  And girls.  "Um...water-skiing....have you ever been?"

"No.  Kelvin wasn't really into the beach much."

Wasn't? So they were boyfriends?   "Well, I am.  Would you like to give it a try?  On Saturday."

"We always held Gemstone Teen Time on Saturday afternoon," Keefe said with a frown.

Ulp.  "Isn't it great that you're free now, and have time to have fun on the weekends?"

He thought for a moment.  "Sure, I guess.  I mean, why not?  Let me give you my new number."

More after the break

"Broad City": This ain't your Daddy's "Seinfeld."

I highly recommend Broad City (2014-19), about the adventures of two women in contemporary New York: the effervescent "let's get high and climb the Empire State Building" Ilana and the stick-in-the-mud "I can't -- I have to decide on a color scheme for the bathroom tile" Abbi.  

Episodes are built around the trivial annoyances of everyday life: 

Accidentally leaving your cell phone in a hookup's apartment, when you don't want to see him again.

Offering to wait to sign for a package for your neighbor, but it never arrives, and you're stuck.

Spending all day in the ice cream shop because you can't decide which flavor to get.

Telling your sex partner that you want to "switch" positions, but he thinks it means something else.

Washing your boyfriend's favorite dildo in the dishwasher, only to have it melted, then scouring the sex shops to find a replacement.

Wait...um...

This ain't your daddy's Seinfeld.

Instead of a street on the back lot in Studio City, Broad City features beautiful exteriors in Manhattan.  The gang visits everywhere from Grand Central Station to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Instead of sex off camera, the girls and their friends are doing the deed in front of you. Lots of bare chests and butts.

Seinfeld was informed by homophobic anxiety about LGBT people, or attempts to get them to "switch teams (Kramer successfully converted a lesbian, but Elaine couldn't convert a gay man because she wasn't good enough in bed).  But in Broad City, LGBT characters are fully integrated into story without comment. Ilana herself is bisexual, with a crush on Abbi, but they don't let it get in the way of their friendship.  

Instead of guys taking their shirts off three times in ten years, Broad City is overloaded with hunks.

Ilana's gang includes:

1. Lincoln (Hannibal Buress), Ilana's regular sex partner.  In the first episode, she face-times Abbi while having sex with him.

Lincoln's butt.

2. Jaime (Arturo Castro), her roommate, who is gay and unapologetically slutty, until he gets a boyfriend/

Gemstone connection: Tony Cavalero and Arturo Castro are friends, and will be starring together in the upcoming Operation Taco Gary's

 Jaime's butt

More dicks and butts after the break