I started researching Paul Michael Barnes based on this photo, which I thought identified him as a Barbie girl, so probably gay. On a closer look, it says "Hillbilly Barbie is my Pa."
Hillbilly Barbie is a 2010 pink label collectible Barbie based on Ellie Mae Clampett (Donna Douglas) of The Beverly Hillbillies.
So your daddy is a lady? Way to subvert gender polarization, buddy.
Paul calls himself Little Bo Duke, after the "good ol' boy, never meaning no harm," who zoomed through rural Kentucky in their Confederate flag racecar, General Lee, in The Dukes of Hazzard (1979-85). He was played by John Schneider (the one with the bulge). His boyfriend...um, I mean cousin...was played by Tom Wopat.
John Schneider's dick.
Because he looks like John Schneider?
It didn't take long to figure out that Paul Michael is straight, but I continued the research, as he became more and more incongruous. Shockingly incongruous. His girlfriend's shirt reads "Cash, Hank, Willie, Waylon," four country-western greats. Who likes country-western music and the Barbie movie?
Paul calls himself Little Bo Duke, after the "good ol' boy, never meaning no harm," who zoomed through rural Kentucky in their Confederate flag racecar, General Lee, in The Dukes of Hazzard (1979-85). He was played by John Schneider (the one with the bulge). His boyfriend...um, I mean cousin...was played by Tom Wopat.
But there is no Little Bo Duke character in the tv series or the 2005 movie. So why does Paul call himself Little Bo Duke?
Because he looks like John Schneider?
Because they've worked together several times, most recently at the Cahoots Christmas show in Lebanon, Kentucky in December 2025 (not shown; I went with the guy with the muscles).
Or because he's a good ol' boy, too?
In 2024, Paul Michael performed "Okie from Muskogee" at the Garrad County Rural Heritage Tobacco Festival in Kentucky
But for all his rural tobacco and Confederate racecar countrification, Paul posted a "Staying Alive" playlist, with Dancing Queen, Billie Jean, YMCA, and Footloose.
Paul's IMDB bio is wacky: he "was raised on a farm and has an amazing work ethic." He has "amazing talent and a captivating personality." I'm not really captivated; more stunned. I'll bet it was written by his mama.
Stand on It (2020): A down-and-out actor (John Schneider) tries to replicate the cross-country beer run in the classic good ol' boy movie Smokey and the Bandits (1977). Produced, written, and directed...well, you get the idea. I went through the cast to see if the actors playing Sonny T. Necessary, Buford T. Justice, Officer T-Boogey. and so on had n*de photos, but all I found was a shirtless photo of Jeff Caperton ("Big Texas").
Something's Brewing (2023). Jane finds love, hope, and country-western music at a coffee shop (not a honky tonk?). With Jason Cook. Paul plays a Street Walker; presumably no one realized that the term means "sex worker."
My mother's family is from eastern Kentucky, and I've visited several times. I sort of like the state, in spite of the country-western music and homophobic churches. So I'll finish this profile with some Kentucky cocks.
Or because he's a good ol' boy, too?
From Berea, Kentucky, about 40 miles south of Lexington.
In 2024, Paul Michael performed "Okie from Muskogee" at the Garrad County Rural Heritage Tobacco Festival in Kentucky
We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee.
We don't take our trips on LSD
We don't burn our draft cards down on Main Street
Cause we like living right and being free
We don't take our trips on LSD
We don't burn our draft cards down on Main Street
Cause we like living right and being free
Harriet Beecher Stowe used the Kennedy House in Lancaster as the inspiration for the Shelby Plantation in Uncle Tom's Cabin.
Can't get more Good Ol' Boy than that.
More after the break
But for all his rural tobacco and Confederate racecar countrification, Paul posted a "Staying Alive" playlist, with Dancing Queen, Billie Jean, YMCA, and Footloose.
He sings gospel songs "at church and in the field. Worshipping Jesus, y'all!" In 2025 he delivered the sermon on Youth Sunday at Wallacetown Baptist Church.
But he gives his pronouns on his IMDB page. I'm stuck. I thought you guys were against pronouns.
Paul's IMDB bio is wacky: he "was raised on a farm and has an amazing work ethic." He has "amazing talent and a captivating personality." I'm not really captivated; more stunned. I'll bet it was written by his mama.
I've been so shocked the cognitive dissonance that I forgot to check on Paul's acting. Six credits on the IMDB:
Christmas Cars (2019): A down-and-out actor (John Schneider) causes controversy by selling miniature cars at Christmas. What's wrong with that? Produced, written, and directed by John Schneider, and starring his friends.
Stand on It (2020): A down-and-out actor (John Schneider) tries to replicate the cross-country beer run in the classic good ol' boy movie Smokey and the Bandits (1977). Produced, written, and directed...well, you get the idea. I went through the cast to see if the actors playing Sonny T. Necessary, Buford T. Justice, Officer T-Boogey. and so on had n*de photos, but all I found was a shirtless photo of Jeff Caperton ("Big Texas").
Poker Run (2021): A "fun and hysterical sequel" to Stand On It. Paul plays Child #1.
Something's Brewing (2023). Jane finds love, hope, and country-western music at a coffee shop (not a honky tonk?). With Jason Cook. Paul plays a Street Walker; presumably no one realized that the term means "sex worker."
Unsung Hero (2024): A mother's faith keeps her family together. Written and directed by Joel David Smallbone, and starring Joel David Smallbone as Joel David Smallbone. Terry O'Quinn (left), who you may recall from Lost, plays the grandpa. Paul plays an Airplane Passenger.
A Royal Christmas Hope (2025): A nonprofit director (lady) meets/falls in love with a prince going undercover as a regular dude. Starring Robert Adamson. Paul plays a Christmas Gift Wrapper.
My mother's family is from eastern Kentucky, and I've visited several times. I sort of like the state, in spite of the country-western music and homophobic churches. So I'll finish this profile with some Kentucky cocks.
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