Jason Schwartzman: Lots of quirky guys winning the Girl of Their Dreams, with two gay/bi roles and one penis




Jason Schwartzman broke into film with Rushmore, 1998, which I didn't see: the plot synopsis sounded decidedly creepy, not to mention obsessively heterosexist.  A 15 year old boy tries to get with one of high school teachers, but she refuses to sexually assault him, so he fixes her up with his older buddy and finds an age-appropriate girlfriend.  Shudder.

He played a few more disaffected, deviant, and dangerous teenagers, in  Freaks and Geeks, Slackers, and Spun, then moved on to some well-received independents, such as I Heart Huckabees and The Grand Budapest Hotel





Looking through the list on the IMDB, I realize that out of Jason's 87 movies and tv shows, I've seen four: 

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, 2010:  An adaption of the graphic novel, with Scott (Michael Cera, who I watched to see) trying to win the Girl of His Dreams by clobbering her evil exes.  One is a girl; plus Scott has a gay roommate, played by Kieran Culkin. Jason plays one of the exes, Gideon G-Man Graves.



Wet Hot American Summer, 10 Years Later,
2017, reunites the gang from the movie and add some new characters, such as Deegs, "the new Andy" (Skyler Gisondo, who I watched to see). Jason plays Greg, the head boys' counselor at the summer camp.














In The Righteous Gemstones Season 2, Jason plays Thaniel, a sleazy journalist digging up dirt about "sexual impropriety" among clergy.  He is especially interested in taking down Eli Gemstone, the most famous televangelist and mega-church pastor in the world. Eli's children, hoping to talk him into backing off, go to his cabin, and find him shot to death!  "Who killed Thaniel?" is one of the main mysteries of the season.

Jason plays a gay guy in Asteroid City, 2023: Augie Steenbeck, a World War II photojournalist who stars in the play based on the movie we're watching, and dates the playwright, I think. It's all very confusing, and not really worth it: the two are on stage for only about 30 seconds, and vanish after a single, so-distant-that-you-can-barely-see it kiss.

More Jason after the break



None of Jason's other projects looked interesting enough to see in the theater or stream online, and some were loaded-down with red flags.

Funny People: Adam Sandler as a dying comedian trying to win the Girl of His Dreams before he goes.

Bored to Death: An alcoholic writer becomes a gumshoe to try to win back the Girl of His Dreams.  I actually reviewed the first episode back in 2020.

7 Chinese Brothers: A slacker gets a job at a car wash in order to win the Girl of His Dreams.

Dreamland: a part-time pianist meets...well, you get the idea.


As far as I can tell, Jason's only gay role was in Asteroid City, although he's sort of bisexual in The Overnight, 2015:  Kurt (Jason) and his wife invite their new friends, Alex (Adam Scott) and his wife, over for their kids' playdate.  When the kids fall asleep, the grown-ups get high and start doing sexy stuff.  Kurt notes that he's attracted to Alex, who agrees to a bisexual orgy.  He doesn't have a bisexual awakening or anything; according to a review, the evening romp "made the couples stronger." Hetero-romance wins.

The Overnight (2015) features Jason's only nude scene.  He wore a prosthetic to appear extremely big, and Adam Scott wore one to appear extremely small. 








Prosthetic dick is better than no dick at all, but I'm still wondering about real-life  Jason -- and Adam Scott.



Update: Jason is set to appear in the upcoming Queer, based on the William Burroughs novel. Drew Starkey and Daniel Craig play the gay couple.

2 comments:

  1. He is the son of Talia Shire and cousin to the Coppollas which may explain why he has so many acting credits-

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    1. I've heard of Talia Shire -- the girlfriend in Rocky, right? Also the sister of Francis Ford Coppola, the aunt of Nicholas Cage...wow, Jason is well-connected.

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