We have completely run out of tv shows to watch, except for The Simpsons and Doctor Who, which go on forever, so last night we latched onto True Blood, which ran from 2008 to 2014 on HBO.
This is the stereotypic South of Eudora Welty and Mama's Family, where people named Hoyt Fortenberry shop at the Piggly-Wiggly and drink sweet tea on the veranda, where everyone is related to everybody else's great-grand daddy once removed, and where the War means the Civil War...um, I mean the War of Yankee Aggression.
It starts in media res, two years after vampires have "come out of the coffin," har har -- yep, the connection with LGBT people is just that heavy-handed -- due to the invention of artificial blood, brand name True Blood, which some humans have developed a taste for. Snooty fratboy Brett (Josh Kelly, left), looking for a store that sells it, learns too late that every long-haired, multi-ringed Goth isn't a vampire; and sometimes chubby rednecks are.
The only gay character so far is the bar's swishy cook, Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis), a stereotyped flamboyant, promiscuous queen who claims he's done most of the men in town, and likes to flirt with racist, homophobic rednecks to get them all scared. He doesn't get a boyfriend until late in the series.
That same evening, the bar's other waitress, Maudette, hooks up with Sookie's brother, Jason (Ryan Kwanten). She's a fangbanger, a human who likes sex with vampires, because they get rough. She offers to show him the video, which turns him on so much that he wants to do rough sex, including strangling her...a little too enthusiastically. And she's taping the encounter!
While Sookie is waiting on the snooty Mack and Denise Rattray, a vampire named Bill (Stephen Moyer) comes into the bar, the first they've seen in Bon Temps, Louisiana. They can all tell because of his hypnotic eyes and surly manner. They don't have any blood, so he orders a glass of red wine instead.
Left: Bill's butt
While Sookie is fetching it, the Rattrays immobilize Vampire Bill with a silver cord, drag him out to the woods, and start draining his blood -- some humans think that vampire blood increases their vitality and sexual potency, so some vampires sell their blood, and others get kidnapped and drained.
Fortunately, Sookie comes to the rescue. While Vampire Bill is recuperating, they have a falling in love chat. He points out that her mind-reading powers makes her more than human.
In the morning, brother Jason is arrested for the murder of Maudette. But did he do it, or was it the new vampire, Bill? Or someone else entirely?
I forgot, Sookie and her brother live with their dotty grandmother, who wants to interview Vampire Bill about his experiences in the war for her Daughters of the Confederacy group.
No more subplots in the pilot, but coming up is Todd Lowe as Terry Bellefleur, working as a cook at Merlowe's for 66 episodes.
And Joe Manganiello as Alcide Herveux, a werewolf whom Sookie falls in love with, for 42 episodes. You didn't think it was just vampires, did you?
Beefcake: Just Ryan Kwanten, and mediated by the girl boobs hanging all over.
Heterosexism: Vampire-human romance in the offing.
Gay Characters: Not for several seasons.
Will I Keep Watching: Probably not. I don't have time for a lot of new mythology, and the gay connection is a little heavy handed.
See also: Fifteen glorious Gavins and magnificent muscle Munns, with some vampires.
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