A Discovery of Witches: Some lesbians, a gay tease, a very important book, and Matthew Goode's goods

 

On to the next of the new paranormal tv series on Netflix, A Discovery of Witches.  

But it's nowhere near Halloween.

Prologue: "It begins with absence and desire.  It begins with blood and fear,  It begins with..." Coffee and bagels?  No, "a discovery of witches."

Scene 1: Nice establishing shots of Oxford.  Matthew (Matthew Goode) complains that this was once a world of wonder, but it belongs to the humans now. Demons, vampires, and witches have all gone into the closet.

Cut to a blonde woman rowing in the Thames, then running through the university, taking a shower -- gratuitous nudity, at Minute 2, no fair! --  eating breakfast, packing up her stuff, and pausing to gaze despondently at a photograph of her and her boyfriend.  Actually, the lady in the photo seems a year or two older, so maybe it's her lookalike sister or mother.  Looking at her makes Rowing Lady extremely depressed, so she must be dead.

Biking across town, locking up her bike -- whoops, her papers fall out and scatter, but she uses her magic powers to retrieve them. Fortunately, no one sees her.

Scene 2: Rowing Lady, Diane, is a Visiting Research Fellow who took her D.Phil. in the History of Science from Oxford, published two prize-winning books, and got tenure at Yale.  In the History of Science? 

In her powerpoint presentation, she theorizes that the Renaissance alchemists were actually describing real chemical processes.  She's going to research the manuscripts of Elias Ashmole , after whom they named the Ashmolean Library. A lady rushes up and offers her a position at Oxford, and wants to know if her book is ready yet.  She hasn't started the research yet, nitwit. 

Scene 4:  Diane has coffee with an old friend from Oxford, who gazes at her -- ex-girlfriend?  She was trained in classical history, where there are no jobs, so she's just an adjunct.  And there are jobs in the history of science? 

The friend invites her to the coven tonight, but Diane isn't comfortable around magic after what happened to her parents.  Witch burning?

Scene 5: In another building, a guy -- maybe Matthew?  -- is praying with his rosary.  Um -- Oxford is Anglican.

Left: Matthew's butt.  

And his cock.  It's not much, but he's an upper-class straight white man, so he'll be in a position of power regardless.

Cut to Diane in the Ashmolean Library, ordering books from the hunky library guy, played by Ezra Idun.  But the book whispers at her, and some pages have been cut out.   And the Praying Guy hears a heart beat!  In other news, her needy friend drops by to flirt with her some more.

As Diane types her notes, the lights flash and everybody hears the whispering.  Praying Guy gets a call from a woman, who explains that their blood is reacting to something.  They must be vampires.  Catholic vampires who go out in the daytime.  He uses his super-hearing to locate the disturbance

Meanwhile, Diane finds that touching the pages burns her!  She returns the book and rushes out of the building, bumping into a passerby who looks like her dad! Praying Guy is watching her suspiciously.

More after the break

Skyler's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 1: Birthdays, biceps, and a Viking Satyr. Plus Asa Butterfield's junk

This is a collection of cute/cool or hot/humorous photos of  Skyler Gisondo, star of The Santa Clarita Diet and The Righteous Gemstones, and Jimmy Olsen in the upcoming Superman: Legacy.   As far as I know, he's over 18 in all of them.  He doesn't have any verifiable nude photos online, but some of his friends do, and there are some interesting chatroom and hookup app possibilities.

1. 24th birthday, with cat, odd presents, and a bare chest.

2. "Ok, I switched to a muscle shirt.  Now can we kiss?"

3. Is an infinite number of Skylers enough?

4. Skyler starred in The Santa Clarita Diet as the boyfriend of the daughter of the zombified Sheila Hammond.  Thomas Novak played their high school principal.

5.Skyler dressed as a Viking Satyr for a competition in Wet Hot American Summer.   If you don't like eating hot peppers, I have another suggestion.

6. A more realistic Viking-Satyr costume for you to consider

More genuine Gisondo after the break. Warning: explicit.

Mayfair Witches: Two of them, with interlocking stories, a swishy straight guy, and a demon dick

 

Netflix has just dropped a lot of paranormal tv shows: A Discovery of Witches, Interview with a Vampire, The Preacher...I'll start with Mayfair Witches, which is based on a trilogy of books by Anne Rice, so there's bound to be some gay characters.

Scene 1: A sagging Gothic mansion. A man in a Depression-Era robin's egg blue suit appears on the front porch to give a staring, catatonic woman her Thorazine shot.  He's new, and can't believe that this is the patient: her file is so big, he thought she was elderly.

He reviews her file, and snoops among the weird books and artifacts in her library, including a photo of her as a 1920s flapper.  So she's immortal. Out on the porch, a man is talking to her, but when the doctor comes out, he is gone, and the maid says there was no man.  Eerie!

The rest of the episode juxtaposes stories of two women who look alike, so the only way to tell them apart is by their timelines: the first is contemporary, and the second looks to be in the 1950s. I don't know which is the catatonic one.

The Story of Woman #1: Rowan

Scene 1: Rowan pilots a boat into San Francisco Bay.  Her girlfriend arrives via Uber.  Nope, it's her mother.  

Scene 2:  A surgeon, Rowan is comforting the young boy she'll be operating on. Wait -- a male surgeon, Dr. Keck, took over the case to impress the sexist Board, but he's not operating right. She argues, but to no avail, and the boy almost dies  "Keck is a menace!" she exclaims. 

Scene 3: More tearjerking: Mom's cancer is back!  Plus we've only seen two male characters, neither cute.

Rowan tells the menace Dr. Keck that David Lemle was observing the surgery.  His company does research with stem cells for cancer patients, so could Dr. Keck arrange an introduction, so she can apply for a job as his research associate, so she can get her mother into the trials?  That sounds unethical, and really far-fetched. But Dr. Keck thinks she's arrogant, with a superiority complex.. As he is tearing into her, she hears whispers, something happens inside his brain, and he falls over dead!  

Scene 4: Rowan thinks she caused Dr. Keck's death.  Maybe her powers are genettc, but she's adopted, and there's no way to determine who her birth parents were.  

But the moment she leaves the room, Mom calls a facility and asks who Rowan's case worker is now: Ciprian Grieves, played by Tongayi Chirisa, left. That's a totally made up name.  She leaves a message: "My daughter is hurting people.  I need to know if something has changed."

Scene 5: In a bar, Rowan asks the bartender, Max (Jordan Cox) to have sex with her, but he has a date tonight.  So she goes after a random guy, and he relents.  

After sex, he wants to stick around, cuddle, and discuss their feelings, but she kicks him out: she's only in it for sex, not a relationship.  That's why she never sees the guy a second time.

Scene 6: Caseworker Ciprian Grieves goes to a house in New Orleans and uses his magic powers to look at the spirit world.  A mysterious spirit, played by Jack Huston, is lurking in the back yard.  He calls Rowan's Mom and tells her that He is nowhere near her daughter.  That's a good thing, right?  

Mom notes that she's dying of cancer, so who will protect Rowan when she's gone?  Ciprian volunteers.

More after the break