Arthur Napiontek: Comedian, model, geographer, heterosexist man-candy

 

In Pineapple Express (2008),  mild-mannered process server Dale (Seth Rogen), his dealer (James Franco), and their supplier (Danny McBride) must flee from thugs trying to kill them. At one point Dale goes to the high school to tell his underage girlfriend that he won't be able to have dinner her parents, because of that fleeing thing.

But then a hot guy named Clark (Arthur Napiontek) approaches.  She praises his performance in drama class.  He returns the gym shorts that she left in his car when they worked out last week, assures Dale that he will protect her in college next year, and heads out to home economics class: "It's time to suck today's dick!"   Obviously gay, but Dale is still jealous and agrees to go to the dinner after all. 

I'm not sure if the phrase "It's time to suck today's dick" is gay-positive or homophobic.

This was Art Napiontek's first major movie role.  Although the 21 year old was cast for his comedic talent, not his physique, he took his clothes off in The Brotherhood V (2009), one of those David DeCouteau movies where straight guys bond in their underwear.  

Oddly, most of his later movie and tv roles do not involve flexing.  He did manage to take his clothes off for a gig on Conan (the talk show, not the Barbarian), but otherwise he has played a series of fully-clothed frat boys and hot guys, usually in comedies. 

Occasionally with gay content but usually not: Looking is a gay-themed series, but Boys from the Bar (2011) is about straight bartenders in a gay bar who just want to watch the game, and Switch Hitter (2015) is not about bisexuals,

In real life, Art has a wife and child and posts about how much he likes vaginas, so I'll assume that he's heterosexual. This photo spread in OK Magazine assumes that only ladies are interested in "Man Candy." 

More Arthur after the break

Penis expert Adam Devine evaluates Zac Efron's. With some examples.

In Neighbors, 2014, Zac Efron plays a fraternity dude who butt heads with neighbor Seth Rogan. The Workaholics guys had a cameo as fratboys from an earlier generation, so Zac and Seth responded by applying for jobs on their show.

Zac wooes Adam by giving him a lap dance, and then whipping it out.  "Holy God, it's amazing!" he exclaims.  He's an expert on dicks, but he's never seen anything like it. "Did Leonardo da Vinci sculpt that? It's beautiful."

Of course, the guy with the biggest dick gets the job.

Adam didn't actually get to see Zac's dick that day, but he did in 2015, when they starred as hapless brothers in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates.

"It's a very handsome dick," he tells us, "It's just as veiny as his arms." 

Later -- yes, he's asked about it a lot -- he said "It's as thick as his arm, and veiny!"

The guys were in the midst of a hot-and-heavy bromance that lasted until 2021, when Adam married Chloe Bridges.  So doubtless he's seen it many times since.

But we haven't.

Zac has appeared semi-nude several times in movies and on tv.  We've seen his butt.  We see his physique from the waist up all the time.  But he keeps the beneath-the-belt stuff reserved for girlfriends and bromantic partners.

Penis after the break

Cory Chapman: Lots of man friends, some gay roles, a queer buddy, nude costars. So where's the beef?

 

Atlanta-based actor Cory Chapman leans toward the dark, deviant, and dangerous in his acting roles.  His demo reel shows him being shot, beat up, and arrested over and over.

He first appears in the IMDB in 2012 as "Bad Guy" in Dark Child: The Short Film.

Then a teenage bully in A Love Story.

An "obnoxious egghead" in Foul Mouths: A Teenage Rage, 2013.

A bully in Hear no Evil, 2014.

A bully in Core: A Short Film about Bullying, 2014.

A robber in Hi, 2014

A thug in Better Call Saul, 2018

A stalker in Creep, 2018.

A militia man in The Righteous Gemstones, 2023

One would expect I'm Not Ashamed, 2016, to be about LGBT people, referencing Marlon Brando's famous statement: "I have had homosexual experiences, and I am not ashamed."  Actually it's about the Columbine school shooting.  

Cory has worked in some comedies and dramas, too.  He specializes in playing the white guy in movies and tv shows with an African-American cast: Groomsman, Kita Lashon, Off the Chainz, Divide and Conquer, The Generational Gap. 

And some gay-themed projects, such as the Facebook series One Love and Boys 2 Gay, and a short about oral sex.

When I was researching Jamar Pusch, I kept complaining that his social media had no interesting photos or clips: no travel, no humor, no family and friends, just flexing and flexing and flexing.  You can only swoon over a guy's muscles and penis for so long. After awhile you're going to want to have a conversation. 

With Cory Chapman, I have the opposite complaint: no flexing.  Social media filled with beautifully framed photos in interesting backgrounds, and lots of family and friends.

Nude dudes after the break