Mobland (2025) on Paramount Plus, is about warring London mobs. The youngest son in a crime family is usually gay, as we have seen in Gangs of London, Shameless, Greenleaf, Animal Kingdom and The Righteous Gemstones.
Eli Gemstone's son Kelvin and grandsons Pontius and Abraham (Gavin Munn, right) are all gay. At least in my fan fiction.
Besides, it stars Pierce Brosnan, so I'll check out Episode 1.1, "Stick or Twist."
Scene 1: Harry (Tom Hardy, who played a gay mobster in RocknRolla, 2008) is hosting a mob summit where the capos, speaking various languages (all immigrants?), are arguing over a mishap involving a spoiled side of beef. Mehmet and Costas agree to a truce, but only with a handshake, not with an apology. That might be good enough: Harry goes to the restaurant upstairs and reports to his Dad (Pierce Brosnan), who doesn't think that it will stick. Besides, Mehmet and Costas have been skimming off the top.
Back downstairs: Harry orders his goons to kill them all. Equal opportunity assassins: one of the goons is a woman. Dad inspects the corpses, finishes off one ("You whore!"), then announces that there's a gap in the brown business; call the Maltese and ask for their offer.
Scene 2: Two guys at a club. Tommy (Felix Edwards) and wants to go home, but his Boyfriend Eddie (Anson Boon, gay in real life) argues that they still have "a date with Destiny...and Bethany and Alexis and Zari." So that's two girls each, or are they planning to share all of them?
Left: Anson's d*ck.
On the way to the orgy, they run into Tommy's friends Mink (Lucas Ely, straight in real life) and Kingster. (Jake Dove, can't tell) Boyfriend wants to rush him along -- the girls are waiting! -- but Tommy would rather hang out with the guys. Prefering male company to a hetero orgy? He's gay. Boyfriend fumes.
On the way, the guys take a photo: Tommy and his Boyfriend belong to rival mob families, so dating --- um, hanging out -- is epic. Boyfriend throws their phone out the window. "Nobody can know that we're dating...um, hanging out!"
Scene 3: Boyfriend Eddie suggests an exclusive leather/S&M club that he belongs to. He's only permitted one plus-one, but he bribes the bouncer to make it a plus-three. Inside, it's mostly leather-clad girls dancing. Not a gay club, darn it.
Eddie flirts with a girl and threatens a leatherman, while the other guys look embarrassed. The manager rushes over to complain about him bringing three guests instead of one.
Uh-oh, Eddie splashes a guy with his drink, then insults him, and when he complains, stabs him to death. Security tries to grab him, but he climbs onto the roof and escapes.
At the park, Eddie runs into Tommy, who is hyperventilating. "You really fucked that one up."
"He was reaching into his back pocket. It was self-defense." Then why did you run?
"You're a mad c*nt, Eddie." In Britain, it's the equivalent of "asshole," applied to men and women.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of you."
More after the break
Scene 5: Morning at the palatial mansion. Dad Conrad Pierce) adjusts his genitals and goes fishing. His second-in-command Archie (Alex Jennings) arrives at the house and has a frustrating conversation with the not-quite-there Mom. Apprised that he's out fishing, Archie finds him. What was the point of that scene? Couldn't Archie have just appeared at the river, maybe said "Your wife told me you were here"?
They discuss fishing, and Uncle Tommy, who taught him. "Then he pulled my shorts down and tried to grab my cock."
"That's disappointing," Archie muses. "He never tried to grab my cock." Now that you're over 21 -- actually over 60 -- I'll grab it if you want. I like mature guys with dad-bulges.
"I never knew he was a nonce." (Not a homophobic term.)
Scene 6: While Dad Conrad filets and cooks the fish he caught, they discuss the Twins (not mentioned before), the Maltese mob's interest in the heroin trade, and their incursion into the fentanyl trade, which will upset the Stevenson mob.
"Leave Richie Stevenson to me. We can pull down his pants and grab his cock." Will that sweeten the deal?
Scene 6: Son Harry from Scene 1 is in the chop shop, discussing where to place the stolen cars with his head thief (I think she is also one of his enforcers). Suddenly he gets a call: "We've got a situation. Come home right away."
CCTV and a lot of witnesses attest that Boyfriend Eddie stabbed a guy at the club last night. He's at death's door, so it will be either murder or attempted murder.
Eddie enters nonchalantly, yawning like nothing happened, to be confronted by his father Kevin (Paddy Considine) and Uncle Harry. They start yelling: What club? What did you do with the knife? Have you burned the clothes you were wearing?
Left: Google Images thinks that this is Paddy Considine, but Dad Kevin is older and not buffed.
Scene 7: Uncle Harry goes to the club and strong-arms his way to the CCTV film and the name of the boy who got stabbed: Hughie (Ethan Moorhouse).
Hughie? Dude went to a straight S&M club with the name Hughie?
Next he visits Hughie in the hospital -- not at death's door -- and threatens him into saying "I don't know who stabbed me. It was dark. I was high."
Scene 8: Boyfriend Tommy's mother is calling around -- he didn't come home last night. Wait -- when Eddie said "I'll take care of you," did he murder him? One Youngest Son turns out to be straight, and then the other is killed after two scenes? No fair!
Plus Tommy said he was going out with "William," but William never saw him. Tommy is -- was gay, sneaking out with Eddie in the hope of scoring some beneath-the-belt action.
His Dad, Richie Stevenson, is not worried: "He's a red-blooded male. Right now he's probably hanging on the back of some bird (girl)." So Dad doesn't know that his son was gay.
Scene 8: Mom insists, so Dad sends one of his goons (Dritan Kastrati, left) out looking for him. They trace him to the Mayfair until 11:00 last night -- and he left with Eddie, the grandson of your mob rival!
Growl, growl, call Eddie's Dad: "Tommy was out with your son last night, and he didn't come home!" Does he think that the two boys are canoodling somewhere?
"Nope, not possible. My son Eddie hates your son, thinks he's a c*nt."
"Well, get him back to me, or there will be consequences!"
Scene 9: Uncle Harry goes home to his wife and daughter quizzing each other on ancient Greek philosophers. I thought he lived in the house with his Dad Conrad.
Daughter secretly messages him to say "Sorry about last night," but he doesn't remember what he did. Fortunately, his wife has recorded their argument. And I'm out of space.
The episode continues with a few more characters introduced, a negotiation, maneuvering over the fentanyl trade. If Tommy doesn't show up, his Dad Richie will start a gang war, so Grandad Conrad makes a deal with a Mexican gang, hoping that they'll kill Richie so he won't have to. Plus his assistant Archie has been double-crossing him, so it's curtains!
Beefcake: None.
Heterosexism: There's a subplot about Uncle Harry's rocky marriage. And Harry isn't actually an uncle, he's Conrad's henchman.
Gay Characters: I'm going to go with Tommy (who never appears again) and his two buddies, Mink and Kingster (who are interrogated in Episode 2), but the queer codes are minimal. Hopefully more details will come out later. I thought that Eddie might be gay, and just pretending to like "birds," but later he starts dating Uncle Harry's daughter. So why was Tommy interested in him?
My Grade: B-
Bonus: Pierce Brosnan's butt
The Twelve Bare Butts of "Animal Kingdom." With some faces
"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure
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