"The Thursday Murder Club": Retirees solve murders. With Pierce Brosnan, Tom Ellis in a kilt, some gay hints, and bonus d*cks

 

The Tuesday Murder Club is currently #2 on Netflix.  Residents of an old person's home solving a "cozy murder" doesn't sound appealing, except that one of those old people is Pierce Brosnan, the suave, sophisticated, and well hung (according to Adam Devine) leading man of 1980s tv. 

Scene 1: In May 1973, a man is walking back from the pub to the flat of his girlfriend (heterosexual identity established in Minute 1), when he  heard two voices arguing.  Suddenly the girlfriend falls from a second-floor window.  She has been stabbed.  A masked intruder rushes away.  By the time the police arrive, she is dead.

In the present, three old people discuss the case in a palatial drawing room.  I'll call them by their jobs before the retired: Labor Union Activist (Pierce Brosnan), Psychiatrist (Ben Kingsley), and Spy (Helen Mirren).  Nothing had been taken from the flat, so robbery is an unlikely motive. The boyfriend, Peter Mercer, mechanic (played by Will Stevens), disappeared soon after the murder.  But did she die from the fall or the knife wound?  How long does it take to bleed out?  They need someone with medical expertise to help.

Scene 2: Establishing shot of the old people's home, Cooper's Chase, an ornate palace that must belong to royalty. A retired Doctor and her adult daughter tour the painting classes, archery lessons, and llamas used as comfort animals. Whew, I'm moving in.  Inside, they run into the Murder Club with their diagrams and crime scene photos.  Daughter is shocked, but Doctor is intrigued. 

Daughter doesn't want her mother living there, but Doctor insists (it's usually the opposite in the States).  She wants to make new friends, and she can't do that in an apartment in a city full of young people: they don't want anything to do with her.  Really?   Since I turned...um, whatever age this is... the twinks have been banging down my door. 

When Daughter leaves, the Doctor rushes downstairs to get the details of the Thursday Murder Club. They can use her medical skills to solve the cold case, so she's in!

Scene 3:  Evil Ian (David Tennant, left) drives through a quaint village (now I'm depressed; we don't have quaint villages in the States).  On the phone, Lloyd (not listed on the IMDB)  tells him that his wife wants the house, the car, and the apartment in Majorca.  Back story: she's divorcing him because he was unfaithful.  Heterosexual identity established immediately.

At the Red Lion pub, Evil Ian tells his Buddy Lloyd his evil scheme: to maximize his assets, he's going to go forward with clearing out a cemetary to build something disrespectful.  Who cares if grandma's remains are still there?  "Oh, and we're also tearing down Cooper's Chase, the old people's home."

"But the old people won't like it.  And some of them were very rich and powerful in their day."

"Who cares? It's my bloody land. The only real issue is Tony Curran, part owner of Cooper's Chase.  He won't agree to the demolition because his Auntie is a resident."

Left: Lloyd isn't listed in the IMDB, but maybe the subtitle writer made a mistake, and his buddyy is Bogdan, played by Henry Lloyd-Hughes (his penis is sort of visible).

Evil Ian wants to hire Buddy Bogdan to manage the destruction project.

"Sure, I'll take the job, but Tony Curran is a dangerous man. Maybe he kill you."

More about Bogdan: he's a Polish immigrant who needs the work to send money home to his elderly mother.

Scene 4: At Cooper's Chase, Dangerous Tony Curran has brought biscuits (cookies) for his Auntie ("your favorite," of course -- everybody in movies is always told that whatever they are eating is their favorite).   

The Thursday Murder Club walks by and says hello.  The Doctor asks who he is, and they explain -- but we already know, so the explanation is unnecessary, except the assertion that "he's on our side," against Evil Ian's scheme to destroy the home.  Another movie about people saving things, yawn.  When are we going to get to the murder?

On to cake and the cold case: In 1973, the boyfriend of the defenestrated girl was questioned and released, not a suspect.  But the only female police officer, Inspector Penny, wasn't so sure. She asked to bring him in for re-questioning, but "the boys' club closed ranks," and he vanished.  Something fishy about it.  Still not important to the plot.

Inspector Penny, by the way, was a member of the Thursday Murder Club, and brought in the case.  But she is in the hospice wing now, dying, so she can't contribute any more.

Scene 5: Cut to the hospice wing where the Spy s telling the comatose Inspector Penny about their new member.  Holding her hand and calling her "darling"?  Are they girlfriends? No, there's a man sitting with her, too, doubtless her husband.  And he asks the Spy "How is Stephen?", thus establish her heterosexual identity at Minute 14.  Tease that she's gay, and then immediately mention her husband!  They did that on purpose.

The Spy and Inspector Penny's Husband spend a lot of screen time discussing how much they love their spouses.  Then Spy returns to her apartment to interact with her husband, who has dementia and doesn't remember thiings.  

I'm fast-forwarding.  I signed up for murder, not "Silver Threads among the Gold."

Darling, I am growing old. Silver threads among the gold
Shine upon my brow today. Life is fading fast away.

Scene 6: A Cop is is giving a roomful of residents tips on home security.  The Spy asks about the 1973 murder, confusing her.  Plus, when she glances out the window, Cooper's Chase security has booted her police car for illegal parking, har har. 

Since she won't be going anywhere for awhile, they invite her to lunch and a tour of the grounds.  The Activist gets a visit from his son, Jason (Tom Ellis, top photo and left), a famous boxer, now retired after an injury and taking gigs like Celebrity Master Chef and Dancing on Ice.

  The Activist is established as heterosexual in Minute 21, and I'll bet this whole scene was just a set up for Jason to fall in love with the Cop.

And where's that murder?

They notice Evil Ian and Dangerous Tony Curran arguing: "Destroying Cooper's Chase and kicking out all the old people is essential to my evil plan!  I'll do anything -- anything -- to get it done!" 

"My Auntie's here, so I won't permit it!  It will never happen, as long as I'm alive!"

More after the break.

"The Out-Laws": Adam Devine has a crush on Pierce Brosnan. Don't you?

The Out-Laws has an embarrassing low Rotten Tomatoes score, but it stars Adam Devine, plus Reyn Doi, who played a gay kid on That 90's Show, as a “weird and interesting looking boy famous for ribbon dancing to weird music.” Maybe he'll be gay in this movie, too.

Scene 1: This is amazing: a diorama of a wedding reception featuring miniatures of every cartoon and sci-fi character you have ever heard of: Beavis and Butt-head, E.T.,  The Human Fly, Ren and Stimpy, Gumby, a Teletubby.  Owen (Adam Devine) explains to his fiancee Parker (a girl) that each character matches a real guest's personality.  His horrible parents are Skeletor and Medusa.  

She wants to know which figure he is.  "He-Man, of course."  To demonstrate the resemblance, he shakes his butt and frontside (no underwear for our boy!).

"This is the man I'm going to marry," she says with a resigned sigh.  I take that you didn't choose Owen for his goofball personality, girl?  It must have been the cock and balls bouncing around. 

"By the way, let's start the plot moving: my parents can come to the wedding after all."  He gets all excited; they smooch. It's a heterosexual rom-com.  Get used to it.

Scene 2:  Owen 's parents, Skeletor and Medusa, criticize his fiancee ("She is not a stripper!  She owns a very successful yoga studio!"), his choice of wedding venue, and finally him ("You're becoming weird, Owen!).

Cut to work. He is the youngest manager in the history of Sunshine Bank!   After polishing his photo and booping its nose, he faces his work buds.  They complain that he never dated anyone before, and now suddenly he's engaged.  What's wrong with her?  Why does one of the most handsome men on Earth play so many guys who can't get laid?  You can only stretch willing suspension of disbelief so far.

First crisis: Gary has locked himself in the vault again, even though there's an emergency exit lever right there. 

Security guard buddy Tyree (Lil Rel Howery) tells  Owen that the manager of the competing bank called him a "dickless troll" "I tried not to laugh, but it was fucking hysterical, imagining you without a dick."  Now try imagining him with a dick.

Scene 3:  Dinner at a hibachi restaurant with Owen, his parents, his cousin, his grandmother, a teenage girl, and a little boy.  They grill Fiancee Parker on being a stripper.  "I'm a yoga instructor!" she protests.  Cousin RJ (Blake Anderson from Workaholics) has become an EMT; he wants to give Owen a ride in his ambulance and flatline him so he can visit their grandpa, who died of...well, figure it out for yourself.  It's dirty.

Owen needs some pictures of Parker's parents for his next creative project, but she doesn't have any, so he calls the owner of their storage facility to ask to be admitted to the McDermott locker.  There are two pictures of shirtless guys on the bulletin board behind him.  The storage guy is gay!  

The storage guy calls a Scary Rich Lady to notify her that someone asked about the locker.   She takes Owen's name, then deals with the issue of a guy selling her fake diamonds -- by shooting him! Uh-oh, Owen is in over his head. 

Later, while getting ready for bed (no beefcake), Owen and Fiancee Parker discuss the logistics of her parents' visit: they'll arrive the night before the wedding, and so on. Owen puts in his retainer, but then realizes that his girl wants to smooch and spits it out.  She definitely was attracted by his genitals, not by his goofiness.  Their foreplay consist of her fondling his earlobes or something.

Scene 4:  Owen comes into the house with groceries, talking to Parker on his phone: "I got that tofu you like." "Yeah, I like my tofu like I like my men: real hard."  Me too, girl.   She continues that "Tonight I'm going to twist you up like one of those Go-Gurts and slurp you dry."  Ok, I like to imagine Adam getting oral sex as much as the next guy, but that sounds painful.  

He begins singing about how tonight they're finally going to bone.  Wait -- they sleep in the same bed. Why wouldn't they have....? 

 Her parents are in the house, watching!  Surprise -- they're 1980s mega-stars Pierce Brosnan (Billy) and Ellen Barkin (Lily).  Who didn't have a crush on Brosnan's lovable rogue on Remington Steele?

After decking him in self-defense and informing him that they aren't burglars, Mom Lily wants a hug, and Dad Billy kisses him - right on the mouth!  "You kiss just like Parker!"  Owen exclaims, not entirely displeasd.

Parker comes in.  The parents act batshit crazy, threatening Owen and then backing off with "I'm joking." Wait -- is Parker doing a long con, pretending to be in love with Owen so her confederates can rob his bank?

Scene 5:  Wine, weird art-project presents, and their meet-cute story: Owen enrolled in Parker's yoga class, and passed out in the child-position, butt in the air.  She thought he was dead. "So you asked her out?"  "No, I stayed in the class for a year and a half, then she asked me out."  That's a very long con.  Parker must be unaware of her parents' career path.

Cut to Owen making breakfast the next morning.  Parker can't get anyone to cover her class, so  Owen has to entertain her parents.  

They discover that Owen doesn't like his butt grabbed: "It scares me."  So of course they all have to do it.  This will become important later.

Scene 6: Owen has some fun activities planned: a South American pottery exhibit, followed by the Holocaust Museum (it has a great food court). But they're up for skydiving, with Owen attached to Dad Billy's body: "I'm not going to pull the cord until you convince me that I should let you marry my daughter."  I'd be calling that wedding off the minute we hit the ground.  

Owen: "I love her!  I dog sit!  I tip 20%!  I'll never have sex with her! Pull the cord!" Billy: "That's my cock, you idiot!"  Geez, Owen, at least wait until you land.

Next up: a tattoo parlor, but Owen is too sensitive for more than one prick.

Next: a bar.  Owen gushes about how cool Dad Billy is.  Even his smell!  "You're so lucky you get to have sex with him," he tells Lily.  Maybe if you ask him nicely, he'll invite you to join in. 

Billy runs into the Scary Rich Lady, and assures her that Owen is an idiot.  He has no idea what's going on.  

Scene 7:  Next day?  Owen at work, praising Billy to high heaven. Just ask him out, Dude.  You won't be the first guy to dump a girl for her Dad.

Suddenly two robbers burst in, their faces covered, their voices disguised.  They force Owen to the bank vault.  Somehow they know about his vocal security bypass (he has to sing "She left me roses by the stairs.")  

Owen recognizes Billy's distinctive scent!  The robbers are his in-laws!  On the way out, they call Owen by name and toss him the ink-packet, blasting him with pink dye.  

Scene 8: While the police take statements, Owen remembers that he was bragging about being bank manager yesterday, and he told Lily the code!  Uh-oh, they will think he's in on the robbery.  Then Parker arrives -- with her parents.  

They tag along while Owen is interviewed by an FBI Agent.  Of course, he can't say anything with the two bank robbers right there. The Agent ask how they knew the access code.  Owen starts crying. 

Scene 9: On the way home, the Parent/Outlaws force Owen to sit between them.  He is terrified.  

At home, he showers, then calls his security guard bud Tyree for advice: "Don't do anything.  First, they'll kill you.  Second, you gave them the codes; you're the mastermind!"

Left: Pierce Brosnan's butt.

Next, he tries to tell his own parents, but they're clueless.  He suggests they do their speciality of asking highly invasive personal questions when they all have lunch. 

I'm out of room, so I'll stop there.

Beefcake: None.  But Owen talks about his penis a lot.  In case you haven't seen it lately, here's a close up.

Heterosexism: Owen and Parker smooch 30,000 times.  What do you expect in a rom-com caper?

Gay Characters: Maybe the Storage Guy.

 Reyn Doi appears in one scene, as the entertainment at the Scary Rich Lady's house.  Scary Lady explains that he is "like the Kanye of the former Soviet Bloc."  Not enough screen time to determine if the character is gay. 

Gay Subtext:   Big time, although the scene in the top photo is from another movie. Owen has quite a crush on Billy, even kissing him.  Billy backs away in surprise, and Owen explains: "Well, you kissed me when we first met," "Yes, but I didn't use tongue."  I wouldn't be surprised if Adam was actually playing Owen as bi.

My Grade: Simplistic plot, but the one-liners and physical comedy made the movie much funnier than I expected from the reviews. Adam Devine appears to be made of rubber, and he will do anything for a laugh.  It's like watching an old-time silent movie comedian like Buster Keaton. The gay subtext was a plus, but points off for the lack of overt LGBTQ representation.  B+.

See also: Bumper in Berlin

Why Him?: Adam Devine hooks up with Griffin Gluck over discussions of jizz

Workaholics Episode 5.5: Penis jokes and buddy bonding at a gay pride party

Pilot Bunch: Unbreakable boyfriend, zombie boyfriend, teen Jesus manager.  With n*de dudes from New Orleans and Hawaii