I clicked The Lowdown, on Hulu, by accident, thinking it was about closeted gay guys (nope, that's Downlow). But it turns out that there's a dead closeted gay guy.
Scene 1: An ugly guy (Tim Blake Nelson) in an isolated mansion writes some instructions, including "Trust no one," hides the paper in one of his Western novels, and we hear a gun go off and see blood splattering. Did he commit suicide, or was he murdered?
Left: Tim Blake Nelson didn't look bad in 2002, when he had a frontal scene in The Good Girl.
Cut to the crotch and cowboy boots, and finally the face of an even uglier guy as he strides down a street in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Ugh, that's the state where schoolkids are required to learn creationism instead of evolution, and it's illegal to fly pride flags.
The background music is "Don't take her for granted, she's had a rough time: she's the sensitive kind," which is the title of the episode. Ugly Guy gets into a van marked with "You're doing it wrong" and drives into the countryside.
The radio tells us the back story: Dale, from the extremely influential Washberg family, died just after a magazine article revealed his family's corrupt past: they stole land from the Indians. Was he respondng to the slander? Also, his older brother (Kyle McLaughlin), a far right winger, is running for Governor on a "We haven't stolen enough land from the Indians" platform.
Scene 2: Ugly Guy arrives at a mansion, probably Dead Guy Dale's, and criticizes the lady at the desk for not knowing enough about the painting of a naked lady behind her. "It's a ___! It belongs in a museum!" Give her a break, Ugly Guy. Maybe she's not into ladies. We get a close-up of it; I guess the director expects everyone on the planet to be into naked ladies.
"Or you could steal it and sell it to me for a thousand dollars."
Hey, Ugly Guy is played by Ethan Hawke, who was actually goodlooking back in the day. The years have not been kind. Maybe the cragginess and villain-stache is due to makeup, and the wide-eyed serial killer look due to acting?
Want to see a more recent photo? At least Google Images says that he's Ethan, but he looks more like Kyle McLaughlin, who plays the evil gubernatorial candidate.
Scene 3: Ugly Guy is escorted into a board room with two cowboys, a guy in a janitor's outfit, and a girl. He orders a steak and a beer. I can't tell if he's joking or not. Ugly Guy introduces himself as a "truthstorian": "I drive around and find stuff, and then I write about stuff." So you're an investigative journalist?
Cut to Ugly Guy driving his van and telling somone about the team: Cowboy Laughing Bob (Hunter Sullivan), Janitor Big John (Troy Powell), Kathy (his favorite, for obvious reasons), and Evil Allen (Scott Shepherd). None of the men have n*de photos online.
Flashback to what really happened: Wait -- I thought these were Ugly Guy's team investigating the death of Dead Guy Dale. No, a flashback reveals that they're the board of directors of an evil corporation. In addition to journalism, Ugly Guy is an antique book dealer. He wanted to buy a church pamphlet signed by Dr. Martin Luther King, that they confiscated when they were buying up Black-owned businesses in North Tulsa.
"Wait -- why are you buying Black-owned businesses? Are you trying to create a monopoly, so you can charge struggling Black families more for the products you sell?"
"You have big balls, Ugly Guy," Janitor exclaims. "This meeting is over. You didn't think you were going to get that pamphlet, did you? C*cksucker." Well, he's racist. Of course he's homophobic, too.
Psych! This was just a distraction so the lady at the desk could steal the naked-lady painting and sell it to Ugly Guy for a ton of money. But why did he show up in the first place? And what does this have to do with Dale's death?
Scene 4: Through a terribly impoverished neighborhood to the Heartland Press, an alternative newspaper (that they call a magazine) where Editor Elijah (Zachary Booth) is holding a staff meeting, complaining about too many pitches about Woody Guthrie.
Zachary Booth is gay in real life. Want to see his penis?
Back story: Ugly Guy is the one who wrote the article about the corruption in the Washberg family. He wants to do a follow-up story about the evil gubernatorial candidate, but Editor Elijah says no, the family is blaming him for Dale's suicide, and they could get the magazine shut down.
Scene 5: Night. A drunken Ugly Guy gets criticized by the lady at Sweet Emily's, a greasy spoon, because his articles haven't created any lasting social change. "Racists and ranchers, big deal."
He is joined by an old guy, who tells him: "Our sweetest songs are often the saddest to tell -- Shelley." Actually, he's paraphrasing "Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought," from "To a Skylark" (1780). They discuss Dead Guy Dale and Sweet Emily chimes in that he had lots of secrets: "Hidden tunnels, stolen art, kinky sex stuff."
Old Guy: "You're missing something. Waffles and coffee you can get at home. Something else bring people to Sweet Emily's at this hour. Look around."
So, is this greasy spoon a front for meth smuggling? A secret gay bar? Nope, Old Guy just means that the patrons are suffering from existential longing. I thought there'd be a clue about Dale's death. Instead we get "The Myth of Sisyphus"?
Ugly Guy leaves, gives a sandwich to a homeless person, and talks to some of the store owners on the block. Abel (Josh Fadem, looking nicer than this) complains that there were two men waiting for him earlier. He asked them to leave - no loitering.
Scene 6: Ugly Guy stops into his bookstore, Hoot Owl Books. Everything looks fine. Then upstairs to his apartment full of research for the article on corruption in Dale's family.
Uh-oh, two intruders! The twink tries ineptly to punch, and the bear presses a lit cigar to his neck. They're angry because the Ugly Guy called Bear a Nazi skinhead in an article.
"But you burned down a synagogue." Tulsa has two, a Reform and an Orthodox.
"Leave us alone, or I'll take out your ex-wife and daughter." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 19, although his interest in the naked lady painting might count.
More after the break