RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Patrick O.: College pole vaulter attacks cracks, seasons his Blackstone, hugs dudes, and discusses his inches

Another day, another Instagram recommendation: Patrick O., a University of Connecticut economics major (with a minor in digital marketing), member of the marching band and Student Athletic Affairs Committee, and pole vaulter (personal best 5.31 meters).

Nice...um, pole, buddy.

I don't usually profile civilian non-actors, but if I omit his last name, potential employers won't be able to find the many, many gay references and n*de photos, and drop his application.

Patrick grew up in a resort town in Connecticut, about 20 miles from Hartford, known for Amston Lake, Lollypop Beach, and Attack a Crack.

Do we get to choose which crack?

He attended Ram High School -- sorry, Rham High School -- and then UConn, graduating in May 2025. As of this writing, he is working at a restaurant in Storrs while trying to break into digital marketing. Plus monetizing his athletic fame: autographs $31, social media posts $36, shout-out videos $27. How much for a bj?

Plus he's modeling with the Wilhemina Agency.

"Help! I never wear shirts -- how do you get it off?"

How are you at taking your pants off?

"Now that, I'm really good at."

Next question: As an alumnus of Ram High, are you the ram-mer or the ram-mee? (Ram me, har har).

"Summer if you spent the whole time behind me."

Hey, answer the question! Oh, right, you did.

Patrick spends a lot of time with the guys. A lot of time hugging guys. Plus there's no girls on his Instagram, and he has some very likely n*de videos on a gay site. Dude is obviously gay.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit.

"Are you brothers or something?" an oblivious follower asks. Wait -- Patrick actually is posing with his brother Harrison.

Another follower comments on Patrick gazing at his boyfriend: "I want to find someone who looks at me the way you look at Travis." Wait -- Travis is a UConn student who is hugging a girl in 90% of his Instagram posts. They're just pretending to be a gay couple.

Another post brags that he is "out, man." Wait, he doesnt' mean coming out as gay, he means graduating from UConn.

I'm getting tired of being jerked off...I mean, being jerked around. Are you gay or not, buddy?

"I'm the type of guy who makes you answer a riddle to cross my bridge"

Ok, what's the riddle?

"Why don't gay guys' shoes ever fit?"

I give up.

"They think this is 10 inches, har har."

I'll do him, if you're not available. Or if I'm not your type. Or if men aren't your type, hint hint.

"Wouldn't you rather hear about my Kale Chicken Caesar Salad Recipe?"

Sigh. Well, let's check his TikTok. Patrick has 238,000 followers and 19 million likes, mostly for videos about cooking/eating while shirtless. The Kale thing, Chicken Carbonara, Italian Snacks, Underground Japanese Ramen.

"Season my Blackstone" sounds dirty. A follower points out that he'll have to take off his pants first. What would you like your Blackstone seasoned with, Patrick?

"Me trying to convince people to be friends with me 'cause I have a pool." Just pose with your Blackstone hanging out, and you'll get all the friends you want.

"How to tell if you have commitment issues." Ok, now we'll see if you're into...oh, you're talking about your cat.

"She said I'm weird because I don't drink." Aha, now we're getting somewhere. A potential girlfriend disapproves of non-drinkers. Or it could be a platonic pal or even your grandmother. Inconclusive straightness.

I'm out of space. I guess it will remain a mystery.