"Asteroid City": Bleak play within a play within a play, with one teensy gay kiss and Matt Dillon's dick

Movie night was Asteroid City (2023), which I thought would be about atomic testing in Nevada in the 1950s.  Instead, I was watching the Theater of the Absurd.  Maybe Ionesco, where your mother turns into a giraffe and offers you brownies,  or a Monte Python episode where one sketch bleeds into another, so Vikings are suddenly talking to the Minister of Finance about the hippodrome tariff. 

As far as I can tell, there are two plays with plays.

1. In an old-fashioned black and white tv studio, a narrator tells us that what we are witnessing is a story, not real. The curtain opens to reveal:

2. The Playwright (Edward Norton) auditioning an actor for the lead in his play (Jason Schwartzman), who brings him ice cream, changes into a different costume, and delivers a nonsequiter monologue.  

They kiss..  But don't get excited: it's in the distance, and never referenced again, while there are three or four heterosexual romances coming up. We cut to the main story:

A lot of people arrive for the Junior Stargazers' Convention in Asteroid City, Nevada , where an asteroid crashed to Earth (they mean a meteor).  During the opening speeches, an alien descends from a spaceship and grabs the asteroid.  Everyone is put under quarantine, while the government tries to convince them that nothing happened.  After a week, the government is about to lift the quarantine, but the alien returns and gives the asteroid back.  The quarantine is on, but everyone riots, and the next day they are gone.  Maybe it was all a dream.

While all this is going on, there are several soap opera stories.  Steinbeck (Jason Schwartzman again, I think) arrives with his son and three young daughters.  He was going to leave the son and go on to his wealthy father-in-law's house to bury his wife's ashes, but his car broke down.  During the quarantine his three daughters, who are witches, bury the ashes in the desert and perform a spell to resurrect her.  She isn't actually resurrected, but she apparently appears in a flashback or flash-sideways scene.

Left: This is Jason Schwartzman's penis.  It is not Jason Schwartzman's penis, it is a salami.  It is not a salami, it is the diary of a 17th century French poet who wrote about salamis.

I figured that Steinbeck must be the famous novelist and nude model, who was active in Hollywood at the time, so I went scurrying to wikipedia for his biography.  It doesn't match.

More nonsequiters and dicks after the break

Why Him?: Adam Devine hooks up with Griffin Gluck over discussions of jizz. With bonus Gluck dick

 

When I saw that Adam Devine was in the 2016 father-of-the-bride comedy Why Him (2016), I forked over the $3.95 for a rental, even though he is far down the cast list on IMDB.  

You really can't go wrong with an Adam Devine movie.   His hotness makes watching him in anything worthwhile, and he appears to have made his career from talking about  penises and jizz, usually in a homoerotic context. (But what reference to penises and jizz is not homoerotic?).  

The premise: conservative button-down printer Ned Fleming (Bryan Cranston) visits his daughter's fiance, the effervescent, unconventional tech millionaire Laird (James Franco, left), for Christmas.  The two start out hating each other, but learn to love and respect, yada yada yada.

Ned's entrepreneur son  Scotty (Griffin Gluck, right) tells him about Tyson Modell (Adam Devine), "the kid who founded Ghostchat.  He turned down billions of dollars, and he's only 24 years old."  They're going to meet up at Laird's Christmas party

Scene 1: What is bukkake? 

At the party, we see Tyson and Scotty -- neither with lady friends -- talking shop: "Totally tanked porting the thin-client apps for the JDK build.  It took me two weeks on the JDEE database..."  Scotty is more into the entrepreneurial side of things, but Tyson advises him to start coding.  The parents and a brother-sister  team join them (the brother is played by Boys in the Band star Andrew Rannells)

Ned is so confused by the tech talk that he exclaims:  "There's bukkake floating all around me."  He thinks bukkake means "overwhelmed," which technically it does: Tyson explains that it means "jizz all over your face."  This is particularly common after gang-bangs, or during,  when one of the guys finishes early.  Apparently Tyson only goes to male-only gang-bangs. .

Laird, who gave Ned the wrong definition, claims that 'I was trying to protect you, Dude.  It's a really sensitive conversation.  They're talking about guys jerking off on each other." None of Tyson's friends likes oral?

To illustrate what bukkake look like, Tyson shows everyone a video on his phone (we don't see it).  Scotty demonstrates considerable interest, but the others are disgusted.

"Is that you?" Laird asks.  

"No." But he nods  "yes" at Ned.

More sex after the break

"The Cat and the Moon": Skyler Gisondo and Tommy Nelson in love (with other guys)

  

The Cat and the Moon (2019) was advertised as a "coming of age" movie with Alex Wolff (left) playing an updated Holden Caulfield.  So I  went in expecting depression, drugs, suicide, heterosexual machinations, and rampant homophobia. I found lots of drugs, suicidal ideations, insanity, and heterosexual romance, but no homophobia, and so many gay subtexts that I couldn't keep track of who was in love with whom.  

Nick (Alex Wolff) moves to New York City while his mom is in rehab, stays with his dad's old buddy (Mike Epps, who reputedly belongs to one of these cocks).  He gets involved in a lot stuff.  This review will only cover the gay subtext scenes.

Scene 1: Nick's first day in school.  Skyler (Giulian Yao Gioello, left), hot for the new guy, befriends him and shows him around.

Scene 2: In algebra class, two stoner buds are playing a game involving fluttering their hands together. 

Scene 3:  Nick is in the restroom, trying to get high with a bong made of a toilet paper roll, when the stoner buds come in, bickering like an old married couple and talking like "he got into my motherfuckin' grill, yo."  

One stands at the urinal; the other doesn't have to go, so he just stands nearby to get a peek at his bud's penis.

They find Nick and introduce themselves as Seamus and Russell (Skyler Gisondo, who plays Gideon Gemstone, and Tommy Nelson, who played the Young Junior in Season 2).  Seamus invites Nick to a party Friday night.

"Wait -- will your girlfriend be there?"  Russell asks.  

"Yes."

"Fuck!  You never pay attention to me when she's around."  To Nick: "His balls just evaporate when she's around." That must make sex difficult.

Scene 4; The party was cancelled, so Russell (the gay one, played by Tommy Nelson, far left) invites Nick to go to a club with him and his good buddy Skyler, who cruised Nick in Scene 1.  Seamus and his Girlfriend will also be there.  So when they go out, it's Skyler-his girlfriend and Russell-his boyfriend, get it?  

On the way, Russell and his good buddy Skyler argue and break up.  The Girlfriend tells Nick not to worry: they break up all the time, but get back together again. "Honestly, I think they just secretly want to fuck each other."  Ok, so it's not a subtext.

They end up partying on the roof. Russell (the gay one) and Seamus kiss.  Wait, I thought you had other partners.

Later, while Russell helps Seamus with an overdose, Nick and The Girlfriend bond.

More after the break