"Almost Love": Almost good gay-themed comedy about rich people's hook-up problems, plus Scott Evans nude

  1. Why do gay men in movies always live in New York?  

2.Why are they always super-affluent, when in real life they earn on the average 20% less than straight men?

3. Why are their friends all straight women?  When I lived in West Hollywood, you had straight acquaintances who you weren't out to, but friends, never.  

That's just the first three questions I have about Almost Love (2019), a gay-themed comedy about a super-elitist NYC gay guy and his straight female buddies, who have trivial problems.

1.Adam (Scott Evans, top) wants to be a painter, but he's stuck in a dead-end job ghost-painting for the famous-but-nasty Ravella Brewer.  Question 4: why are all gay guys in movies working as lawyers, actors, or artists?   

His boyfriend Marklin (Augustus Prew, bottom) is a famous blogger who is constantly getting fawned over by fans.  They're vaguely unhappy and unfulfilled, but dismiss any suggestion of moving forward in their relationship by getting married, buying a house, and having kids. 

Instead they....gasp...hook up on the side, which this movie portrays as the ultimate in betrayal.  Question 5:  why are all gay guys in movies obsessed with monogamy?  There are a lot of open relationships out there.

Left: Augustus' butt

2. His BFF #1, Elizabeth, is celebrating her 15th anniversary with Damon (Chaz Lamar Shepherd, left) , wondering "Is this all there is?"  Question 6: How are these people friends? Adam is an artist, and Liz never sets foot in a museum, except for the free wi-fi.

3. His BFF #2, Haley, works as a tutor.  This doesn't seem like the sort of job that would get her the big bucks, but she lives in a huge loft with bare brick wall and gigantic paintings.  Her problem: the high school boy she's tutoring, Scott (Christopher Gray), isin love with her. The age of consent in New York is 17, so he's not jail bait, but he is certainly inappropriate.  He threatens to kill himself if she refuses him.  Question 7:in what way is this funny or endearing?

Top photo: a model who pops up when you search for "Christopher Gray nude"

4. His BFF #3, Cammie, is dating Henry (Colin Donnell), perfect in every way -- except it turns out that he's homeless!  Her friends cringe. "You invited a homeless guy into your apartment?  You touched him?  Yuck!  Gross!"  Question 8: how elitist can they get?  Is being homeless a disease?

Beefcake:  None.  Question 9: what is the point of a gay-themed movie with no beefcake? 

Other Sights: New York location shots.

Gay Characters: The guys, a gay rights canvasser, a potential hookup.  

Elitism: Through the roof. Question 10: Why does everyone in this movie look down on people who are poor or Hollywood poor (middle class in the real world)?

My Grade: C.  

Bonus Scott Evans after the break

"Workaholics Episode 3.19: Blake faces a line-bully, Adam faces a zombie apocalypse, and Ders and Karl touch tips

 I've been watching Workaholics as comfort tv: totally upbeat, with no drama, no angst, no tragedies to work through, just humorous misunderstandings and everyday situations that spin wildly out of control.  No girl-ogling or bragging about how many times they get laid, in fact very few episodes involving getting laid. Just guys together.  RuPaul called it "the gayest show on television."  And, in spite of what my friends (and some reviews) said, virtually no homophobia.  But I found some in Episode 3.19, "In Line."  The guys are planning to wait in line for the release of a new zombie apocalypse video game, but they are waylaid and have separate adventures.

1.Blake actually makes it to the line.  He runs into an old Dungeons and Dragons friend , Marshall (Josh Brenner, shown here with the mega-hunk Steve Howey), and wants to cut in line, but "Mark McGrath Dude" (Adam Ray) refuses to permit it.  This seems appropriate to me: cutting in line is unethical.  

They leave, but Blake decides that he has had it  with muscle guys pushing him around,  so he returns and pulls out McGrath Dude's armpit hair.

Left: Adam Ray performing with the guys (Kyle, Blake, Ders) on the This is Important live tour.

More after the break.

Tony Cavalero and Matisyahu: What's Hanukkah without dreidels and dicks?

 

 Matisyahu ("Gift of God" in Hebrew), born Matthew Paul Miller, is  -- or was -- a Hasidic reggae artist (he has re-invented himself, and no longer identifies as Hasidic).  Tony Cavalero starred in the music video for his song "Miracle" (2011):

At Hanukkah time, Matisyahu is skating with his kids, when Tony accidentally knocks him over! While unconscious, he dreams that he is bed with King Antiochus (Tony ), the evil Greek emperor who was defeated by the Maccabees. Afterwards there was only enough oil in the lamp to light the Temple for one night, but miraculously it stayed lit for eight days: thus we celebrate Hanukkah.

In bed, Antiochus invites Matisyahu to a party: "there's going to be babes, food, chocolate stuff."  He agrees to go, but then Mattityahu, the priests whose refusal to sacrifice to the Greek gods started the rebellion, convinces him to rebel instead. (played by Alphonso McAuley.)

They skate through a forest of Christmas trees and rap:

You look so down, look so puzzled. 

 Huddle round your fire through all the rubble.

Bound to stumble and fall but my strength comes not from man at all

Antiochus captures them and puts them in a cage in Santa Claus suits, guarded by a Nutcracker. They escape and fight through a hockey game.  

No need to worry, no need to cry.

Light up your mind no longer be blind

Him who searches he'll find

Leave your problems behind

We will shine like a fire in the sky

What's the reason we're alive.

Finally Antiochus warms up to the idea of religious freedom, and they all hug and dance under a menorah.

No specifically gay content except men hugging and dancing together, but Matisyahu is a gay ally who performs for gay Orthodox Jewish audience. 

Bonus penises after the break