Michael O'Hearn: barbarian, superhero, nude model, backside annihilator.



Michael O'Hearn (no connection to Brock O'Hurn) played the bodybuilder who harassed Adam on Workaholics, and for some reason didn't get cast as a member of Kelvin's God Squad.  Recently he had a gym date with Tony Cavalero: "After an intense couple of weeks of flirting online, we went at it at the gym like true barbarians."  








He specifies: "Tony brings the business in the front and the party in the back, and I don't just mean the hair."  Funny, I always thought Tony was more into oral. But when you have Michael O'Hearn behind you, who's going to say no?

Tony returns the compliment: "Honored to have you annihilate my back!  Such a blast bustin' some smut with you."  How many ways can you make a gym workout sound like sex?





You might not  want to see Mike's first star vehicle, Barbarian (2003): "An ancient land suffocates in the shadow of evil. A dark lord rules unopposed. One warrior will become legend. He is the Barbarian... the last great warrior king."  Did anyone actually write a script, or did they watch a 1980s sword-and-sorcery movie and say "Here -- act this out."

The Keeper of Time (2004) is more of the same, with characters named Bullrock, Anu, Udo...and Daniel? 

Then Mike moved into comedy, with roles on Workaholics, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Lab Rats, Mighty Meds, and Epic Rap Battles of History.  Plus he performed on two seasons of American Gladiators, the beefcake game show, as Thor and Titan.

But his main career is in bodybuilding and modeling. 4 time Mr. Universe, 7 time Fitness Nake Model of the Year, 470 magazine covers.  Plus the cover model for Topaz romance novels.


And a lot of humorous instagram posts.

I do the same thing.  Leg day?  What's leg day?








Super bulge from when Mike played a Superman parody.








Hulked out for American Gladiators.  













Mike's size after the break

"Run the Burbs": A queer daughter, a gay jerk, and the guy from "Kim's Convenience" naked


If you like chubby guys -- and who doesn't?  -- the Canadian sitcom Run the Burbs  provides more in 20 minutes than most tv series give you in three seasons.  Andrew Phung, best known as the comic-relief Kimchi on Kim's Convenience, plays Andrew Pham, a stay-at-home Dad with a wife who longs to leave her soul-destroying corporate job; a teenage daughter who crushes on girls; and a preteen son who, going against sitcom protocol, doesn't crush on girls.  That's a lot of representation, but I'm holding out for a gay male character.  Bob, played by "openly gay" Gavin Crawford, becomes a regular in Season 2, so I'm reviewing Episode 2.1, "In Phocus" Each episode title in Season 2 has a ph-  replacing an f: "Phamily Ties," "Phresh Start," "Phlash Back."

Scene 1: At some kind of community festival, two women walk past holding hands. Then we see Andrew, wife Camille, and preteen son Leo face-timing their daughter, who is in Paris.  Maybe written out of the show?

When they stop for ice cream, Camille has trouble deciding, and the racist behind her in line sneers that there's no chicken-butter flavor, "so pick a normal flavor or go back to your country."  Dude, look around you.  Almost everybody in that park is Black, Middle Eastern, or Asian, including the ice cream vendor!  You think you're going to get any Rocky Road that way?   

Camille lays him out with unheard profanity that has everyone covering their ears, then applauding.  Andrew brags that she is the "sexiest woman in the world." Well, that was a superheroic response to a microaggression.

Scene 2: Andrew is getting dressed to apply for a job as Rockridge's new Community Development Coordinator.  Meanwhile, Camille is starting a focus group for her new business, Cam Pham Eats, and preteen son Leo hangs out in his sister's bedroom because she's in Paris and can't stop him.  He gets a face-time from his buddy, who invites him to a dead skunk viewing.  


Scene 3:
At City Hall, Andrew is told to kiss up to Robin, since she'll be deciding who is going to replace Bob, the retiring Community Development Coordinator.  He'll have a say, too.  "Got it -- make Robin and Bob fall in love with me." Bisexual joke.

Into the interview, with Bad Cop Robin "I hate everything about you!" and Good Cop Bob "You're perfect!" He offers to take them on a walking tour of the improvements he's planning.  Robin: "Absolutely not!" Bob: "I'm in!"


Scene 4:
First stop: those little libraries where people get rid of their books. The problem is, they're full of erotics, so Andrew proposes adding an adult section. Robin: "That's a stupid idea!" Bob: "What a wonderful idea!"

Meanwhile, at home, Camille and her assistant have invited her friend who runs the Bubble Bae hangout, her neighbor Hudson (Jonathan Langdon, left) , and her Dad Ramesh, to a tasting session for her new catering business. Shouldn't you have strangers in a focus group?  

They don't like the logo: "Campham," one word, looks like "Camp Ham," and Dad is a conservative Muslim!  But they love the food.

Camille invites her preteen son Leo to be in the focus group, but he's busy: "Going to poke the skunk."  "Um...I don't think you're ready for that." She thinks he means sex, har har

Scene 5: The interview over, Good Cop Bob invites Adam to his office. We see a closeup of a framed photograph: he explains that they are his husband and two kids -- Tina and Turner, har har. After assuring him that "Bad Cop Robin loved you!" and "I like you!", he drops a bombshell: "You're not getting the job."

Say what?  

"I was so inspired by all of your creative ideas that I want to stay on and do more for the community."  People often fail to get the job because they're too good -- "He's a superstar -- he'll make me look bad."

"But don't you want to spend more time with your family?"

"No, I hate them.  The twins are into crypto, and Vance forces me to watch RuPaul's Drag Race.  Aren't families the worst?"  Uh-oh, Family Man Andrew roils.

Scene 6:  Andrew complains to administrative assistant Barb. "Grr...he never planned to retire at all.  He's just working the system, like he always does to avoid doing any work. We can fix this." 

Meanwhile, the focus group is still criticizing Camille's logo: "It should be more regal.  Can we use comic sans?  Put in a pakura."  When they leave, she is demolished.  

Back to administrative assistant Barb dishing with Andrew. The City needs Bob to retire: he never does any work and doesn't care about the community. She suggests that, since Andrew inspired him, he could un-inspire him!  

Scene 7: As Bob adjusts his bonsai tree, Andrew bursts in to thank him for saving him from "This Azkaban place, sucking out everyone's soul."  But Bob sees through the un-inspiring attempt. "Why would I retire when I can sit here for the next ten years, getting paid for doing nothing?"  

Andrew pleads: he needs this job to support his family.  Not a good argument for the family-hating Bob, dude.


Scene 8:
That night, Andrew, Camille, and the preteen son Leo are in bed together, discussing how their days sucked. The kid just hangs out in his parents' bed?  That's creepy!  Camille asks about the skunk-poking.  He couldn't go through with it.  Still thinking that he means sex, they say that he can talk to them about anything.

After Leo goes to his own room to masturbate, Andrew points out that Phams never give up.  Tomorrow the son will try to "poke the skunk" again, Camille will work on her logo, and Andrew will find a way to handle Bob.

Scene 9: Andrew visits Bob at home, while he is working on his plants and refusing to help his husband with the dishes.  "My plans will improve the community more in a year than you did in 15 years!" he announces.

"Don't care. Robin is clueless, Barb is a loser, and you are not worth my time." Uh-oh, Andrew is recording him!  Now he'll have to retire or be fired!  

Nope, Robin doesn't care: "What Bob calls me at home is none of my business." And Andrew has no experience, so he won't be getting the job regardless.  Aww.

Meanwhile, Camille's friend tells her that the problems with the logo aren't really what's bothering her.  It's everything about the new job, and the threat of having to return to corporate.  "If I hear 'synergy' one more time..."  As an academic, I can relate. Four or five committee meetings per week, with an hour spent on "What is the goal of this committee?"  But the focus group loved your food.  Isn't your business about the food, not the logo?"  Camille is newly inspired.


Scene 10: 
 In bed, the two discussing how wonderful Camille's new business will be. But they only have savings for six months, so she'd better get busy. Geez, start the business on the side while working corporate, and if it takes off, you can quit.

Scene 11: Leo announces that he managed to poke the skunk.  Andrew and Camille discover that it was a real skunk!  He reeks!  The end.

Beefcake: Andrew takes his shirt off.

Other Sights: Generic suburb

Canada:  Like most Canadian sitcoms, they carefully avoid naming their country.  No Canadian flag outside City Hall; no one mentions Toronto; no maple leaves anywhere.

Heterosexism: No kissing.  Andrew and Camille hide under the covers to have sex. But at least when they think their son is having sex, they don't automatically assume that it's with a girl.

Gay Character: Bob becomes Andrew's foil when he wants to get something done, like a speed bump installed. I like that he's elderly, not a Cute Young Thing, and a jerk amid gay characters who are either over-the-top villains or impossibly noble.  Bot only six episodes, and the husband is not mentioned again?

My Grade: B

Phung penis after the break. Warning: explicit

Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 1.1: Adam shows his tree-trunk, eats fro-yo, and flirts with Andrew Santino


In 2013-2014,  while Adam Devine was starring in Workaholics and Modern Family and guesting on  Community, Arrested Development, Sanjay and Craig, and American Dad, he somehow managed to find the time for Adam Devine's House Party.  He plays an insecure, jerky, penis-obsessed version of himself, hosting a huge party in a mansion.  Each episode has a brief plot framing the sets of three up-and-coming comedians. I'm reviewing Episode 1.1, "Ex Girlfriend."

Scene 1:  Adam checks the food, booze, and comedians.  Whoops, there's some poop on the floor.  He covers it with a dollar bill. Gross! Everything is ready!  A hundred people burst in.  


Scene 2:
To demonstrate how wild he is, Adam smashes a beer bottle on his head.  Uh-oh, too far.  We cut to him with his head bandaged, blood sopping down. Can they keep filming?  Director Kyle says it's fine.

Adam introduces the concept: "Comedy Central gave me a bunch of money to throw an awesome comedy show, and I blew it all on this house party."

Nope, that doesn't work.  Let's try repeating the opening amid gyrating butts --- a boy and a girl.  The boy's is obscured by the title, but that's the one he gawks at. Adam likes boy butts, and he cannot lie.

Scene 3: Andrew Santino invited Adam's ex-girlfriend to the party!  Adam gets all jealous and threatens to not let him perform. Santino claims that he didn't know, and the girl says that they just went out on one date, so who cares?  He counters: "We should have grown old and died together, but someone thought that someone was strange."


Scene 4:
The first comic "won't stab you in the back by f*king your ex girlfriend: Ahmed Bharoocha. 

"Gay marriage is still illegal.  Can we get a boo for that?  Aha!  If you booed, you're gay!"  Wait -- anyone who supports gay marriage is gay, and that's a bad thing?   

He continues that it's crazy that gay marriage is still illegal. How can they allow someone who doesn't know any gay people to "vote on their happiness."  It's like going to a restaurant and ordering cake, but the guy at the next table cancels your order: "I don't like cake, so no one gets cake."

More riffs on a teenage God having kids too early, and baby crows.

Scene 5: Montage of a guy drinking, a guy kissing a girl, and so on. Ahmed and Adam discuss his head injury and the likelihood that Santino "won't get out of here alive."  


Scene 6:
Adam introduces Andrew Santino, "a shit dog of a human being, but he's super funny."  

He riffs on his father's objections to him moving to California, with all the gay slurs: "you gonna roller blade and give blow jobs for cash."  "That's ridiculous.  Not everybody in California is gay."  

Then his friend asked him to go sky-diving.  The first time, you go tandem, which means that another adult male is strapped against you, his genitals against your butt.What if the parachute fails, and they both die, and his Dad comes to identify the body: a guy's dick in his ass!  He turned gay after all!

Santino lives in West Hollywood, the "gayest place in the world."  His apartment is at the intersection of Rainbow Avenue and Butthole Road.  You know, not all gay men are into anal sex.  His neighbor is a bear, but he eats penis instead of pic-a-nick baskets.  

If Santino was gay, he'd be a power bottom.  He demonstrates how he would clench to guide the action.  That's not what a power bottom is, but I'm surprised that Santino knows about the clenching. 

Scene 7: Adam asks the ex-girlfriend why she prefers Santino.  "Is his dick bigger than mine?" She doesn't know, having never seen Adam's dick.  Don't you go to movies?  Everyone's seen it.    

"Adam, you just took me out for fro-yo, and didn't pay for it.  You don't love me...you just get obsessed, and can't think of anything else."

"I do not get obsessed...wait, fro-yo?  I forgot about that."  He calls a fro-yo - frozen yogurt -- shop and orders enough for everyone.

Scene 8:  Next comedian: Barry Rothbart (top photo.  At least, he claims that's him).  He riffs on why he's so good at sex; ordering in a restaurant using hand signals: and dolphin sex.

Penises after the break. Caution: arousal.