Previous: Episode 2.3, Continued: The darkness of roller coasters, club bulges, hookups, and apples
A Boy and His Cat: Flashback: Charlotte, North Carolina 1993. Going in fresh, pretending to have never seen Season 1, we are introduced to new characters, the grinning, fast-talking Baby Billy, his wife Gloria, and their special-needs son Harmon, in the mall at Christmastime, Later we will discover that Baby Billy is a ne-er-do-well, constantly coming up with sleazy scams and get-rich quick schemes. He and his sister Aimee-Leigh were child stars before she went on to a career as a serious gospel singer and married Eli Gemstone. Baby Billy never forgave her for "abandoning" him.
BJ's Family: Judy's husband BJ, previously a nonbeliever, converted and was welcomed into the church in Episode 2.2. Now it's time for his baptism, and he has invited his family to the event -- Mom, Stepdad, and grown sister KJ. Judy disapproves of the "filthy atheists." and they are abrasive as well, angry at being put up in a hotel instead of some of the twenty or so guest rooms in Judy's mansion, and thinking of the Gemstone ministry as a money-grubbing cult. Yuck -- BJ kisses them all on the lips!
KJ's butch mannerisms have led many fans to conclude that she, or the actress playing her, is a lesbian. Maybe KJ, but not Lilly Sullivan, who married Tim Baltz on February 5, 2022, two weeks after this episode aired. This makes the later allegations of incest especially problematic.
Remember the Lissons?: We cut to Jesse and Amber hanging out with the Lissons -- the megachurch pastors planning a Christian resort -- and discussing how close their friendship has become. Jesse breaks the news that they can't get their Daddy to fork over the money to invest. He's asked multiple times, but Eli refuses to budge.
Lyle is aghast. The Gemstones are worth over $600 million; surely Jesse can afford $10 million on his own? Nope, it's all Daddy's money. Jesse will control it someday, of course, but not until Eli dies.
The Lissons are irate, lambast Jesse and Amber for being poor, and break off the friendship. I think they just liked you for your money, guys.
The Ace of Spades: Kelvin and Keefe figure that they can restore the confidence of the God Squad with a 40-day field trip in the Judean desert. They walk across the Gemstone airfield, Kelvin in a military coat with a leopard-spotted beret, and Keefe in an oddly feminine black robe, with his backpack in front.
Uh-oh, Martin, Eli's chief accountant and right-hand man, intercepts them. Eli has refused to pay for the trip. Do you see a parallel between Kelvin/Keefe and Jesse/Amber's problems?
Kelvin bats his eyes, touches Martin's chest, and begs: "You got here too late. We already took off. Please?" Wait -- are you flirting with Martin? Homoerotic hotness doesn't work on everyone, dude.
And it doesn't work: Martin lays down the law Kelvin is forced to break the news that his father said no, thus losing even more of his authority with the God Squad musclemen.
I Know What a Tomater Is: In the Gemstone Parking Garage, Eli finds a tomato smooshed on his windshield. The Tan Man (James Preston Rogers) appears and says, threateningly, "Get the message?"
Eli pretends that he isn't sure -- maybe something to do with a broken heart? The Tan Man growls, howls, flexes and clarifies: "you hurt my boss's feelings real bad, and he's not the kind of guy who likes to have hurt feelings." So, what kind of guy senjoy having hurt feelings? "He wants an apology."
Having confronted far more formidable foes, Eli is not impressed by the Tan Man's theatrics. He sends a message for Junior:"tell him to go fuck hisself."
BJ's Baptism: As people file into the Baptismal Chapel, Baby Billy from the 1993 flashback, now with white hair and a whiter grin, performs "There is a fountain filled with blood" while his new wife, the young, very pregnant Tiffany, looks on.
Outside, Kelvin argues that he cleared the whole God Squad to attend the baptism! Nope, only he and a "plus one" are on the guest list. The God Squad guys start murmuring again. Another blow to his authority!
Kelvin promises to feed them all -- he asks his date, Keefe, to steal some food, resulting in humorous but ridiculous bits. Do you really want to eat a shrimp that's been transported from the hors d'oeuvres table in Keefe's mouth? Why not just go out for hamburgers?
Baby Billy begins the service, bragging that he's on the Christian Pop Charts now, and misnaming BJ as TJ. He must not be very close to the Gemstone family, either. Hey, the seat next to Kelvin is empty. Why isn't he sitting with his date? Is Keefe already raiding the caterers for the after-party?
Next Judy sings: "When a man outgrows the family of his origin, and they've no place in his life./ Cause he's different now -- he's got to show them how."
She was originally going to sing "Rock my Boy's Body," emphasizing the erotic nature of her relationship with BJ (it was moved to the episode finale).
People stop to ask me, "How do you please your man?"
Take it from the black sheep baby, every way I can
Sometimes it's with fire, and sometimes with ice
Just don't get it twisted, this body's gonna pay the price
Eli takes over and completes the baptism. Judy introduces him as "BJ Christian Barnes."
I was disappointed that they didn't actually make it to Israel. It would have been interesting to see Kelvin with Jerusalem Syndrome, where tourists surrounded by so many Biblical images come to believe that they are Jesus or the Jewish Messiah (but I guess he is already the Messiah of his muscle cult). Plus Tel Aviv has the biggest and most open gay community of any city in the Middle East.
Some Israeli guys after the break (warning: arousal).
