You ask a new male acquaintance if he has a girlfriend, forgetting that he could be gay or bi.
The teacher tells the class, "If you boys got your minds off girls, you'd get better grades," forgetting that some of them might have their mind on boys.
TV viewers insist that a same-sex pair cannot be gay unless they actually say so on screen. Otherwise everything they say and do is what heterosexuals say and do. "So they hold hands. Can't a straight guy hold his buddy's hand?"
On to the show.
The Dude Husbands: After a scene where the guys, Anders, Blake, and Adam, play American Gladiator, they discover that they have been living together for seven years, so they are "common law husbands." To celebrate their anniversary, Blake gives them homemade gifts: seashells on Ders' headphones and macaroni on Adam's weight belt, ruining them! Ders serves horrible Norwegian food hidden in a bait-and-switch KFC box. They argue, have a food fight, destroy each other's stuff, and criticize Adam's weight: "You're a chubby bitch, as fat as John Candy and not half as cool." Finally they break up. Everyone leaves the house.
Blake's Night: Crashing with his work friend, Jillian, Blake has a fun evening planned: beer, listening to the Yin Yang Twins (a rap duo), and "artsin' and craftin'" But she's engrossed in a dog show on tv (that she is betting a lot of money on). He makes her a "thanks for letting me stay here" gift, arts-and-crafting her favorite dress, ruining it. Plus he makes fajitas with sour cream, enraging her (that's a little harsh, girl).
Jillian puts him to bed in the bathtub, and when he casually mentions that she is acting crazy, goes ballistic: "We leave the shower on and the lights off."
Ders' Night: Apparently he has no credit cards to get a hotel room, and no friends, so Ders tries to sleep in the back seat of his car. He hears some teens drinking beer at the play station in the park -- after hours! He tells them to scram, but they just make fun of him, so he gives them an ultimatum: they have to be gone by the time he finishes taking a dump, or he's calling the cops.
Once he gets into the porta-a-potty, the teenagers knock it over, dousing him with a flood of blue toilet water
Adam's Night: He goes to a bar to drink and look for friends who won't reject him for being overweight. It turns out to be a gay bear bar (no one says so, but watch your heteronormativity; how do you know it's not?). He comes on too loud and too strong for the first guys he approaches: "50 beers for my new friends, who I love now!" When Trevor (Stephen Kramer Glickman) calls him a "rowdy little bear cub," he insists on a full-body bear hug, and accepts an invitation home. Heteronormativity: Adam has no idea that these guys are gay, or that he has agreed to a hook-up.
At home, they go right to bed. When Trevor presses his hard cock against him, Adam thinks that it's just morning wood, and congratulates the guy for being so virile. Trevor is about to go downtown, when Adam reveals that he just broke up with a partner of seven years, like a few hours ago. A rebound hookup would be a bad idea; Trevor announces that he's going to masturbate in the bathroom instead. Heteronormativity again: a guy climbs in bed with you naked and presses his hard cock against you, but same-sex desire does not exist, so you must find a heterosexual explanation.
The guys start texting but change their minds, look for texts from their partners, and are miserable.
The Rat Catchers: The next day, they have cordoned off their cubicle, and aren't speaking to each other, except to brag about how great their nights alone were and criticize their performance as husbands. They decide to go back to the house, split up the security deposit, and part forever.
Except the house is overrrun with rats. They have to get rid of them, or they won't get the security deposit back. They try various gross and unhygeniec strategies which allow each to use his skills: Anders' organizational ability, Blake's arts-and-crafting, and Adam's muscles. Afterwards, although they are splattered with rat blood and will probably die of rabies, they realize that they enjoyed the adventure, and decide to stay dude husbands.
More after the break
