Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 3: A rooster, a rodent, neopagan penises, Adam Devine, and Corey B's front

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Tony Cavalero, best known as Dewey on The School of Rock,  Ozzie Ozbourne in Dirt, and Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones, with a few of his friends.

1. I love your crotch, too, Tony.

2. But a cold dip after the hookup is a deal-breaker.

3. I don't care if Adam agreed to join us...wait...

4. Mickey Mouse is a muscle fan.

5. And Tony is into Rodent Boys.

6. Is it too late for that hookup and cold dip?

More after the break.  Caution: Explicit.

Jesse Bradford: The gay and gay-subtext roles of yesteryear have vanished, but he still has a physique. And a cock.

 

Born in 1979, Jesse Bradford made his acting debut at the age of 8 months, in a Q-Tips commercial (it was a non-speaking role).  He was busy as a child, playing the son of a screenwriter with lung cancer in The Boys (1991) and brother of a psychotic gay kid (Harley Cross) in The Boy Who Cried Bitch (1991).

But he first made an impression on gay teens with Far from Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog (1995), where his Angus is lost in the Canadian wilderness with a dog named Yellow, fights for survival, and takes his shirt off, revealing a hard, firm but not muscular chest.

Unfortunately, Jesse's later projects involved a lot of girls.

In Hackers (1995), teenage computer whizzes Joey (Jesse) and The Girl try to save the world from a dangerous computer virus.  At least we see his butt.

In Clockstoppers (2002), Jesse and The Girl find a device that allows them to move super-fast, in effect stopping time.

But his darkly handsome teen idol face was sure to elicit swoons from gay teens.

The thriller Swimfan (2002) is about a psychotic girl who stalks Jesse, a high school swimmer.  Though he is heterosexual, the disdain he feels as the girl becomes more and more insistent in her desire to be with him can be read as a gay subtext.  And  fans got to see Jesse in a revealing swimsuit.

Some buddy bonding: his character  Balthazar likes Romeo (Leonardo DiCaprio) in Romeo+Juliet (1996).

He bonds with the gay male cheerleader Wes (Huntley Ritter) in Bring it On (2000). 

 In Flags of Our Fathers (2006), his Rene Gagnon storms the beach at Iwo Jima while mooning over Doc Bradley (Ryan Philippe).

After playing a gay hustler in Speedway Junky (1999), with Jonathan Taylor Thomas as his bisexual colleague, Jesse turned down a gay role in The Rule of Attraction (2002). Back then guys worried that playing gay would destroy their career.

More after the break

Gavin's hunky dad, brother, and cousins, with maybe a few nude dudes thrown in

 

Gavin Munn (Jonathan on Raising Dion and Abraham on The Righteous Gemstones) is lucky to have two supportive parents, willing to drive him as far as Atlanta, six hours away, for auditions and scenes. 

1. Dad Johnny is the president of Coastal Built Construction an aviator, an avid fisherman and motorcyclist, and an actor.  His screen credits include two locally-produced Pirate Kids movies, an episode of Good Behavior,  Domestic Disturbance with John Travolta.

Did I mention that he's also a mega-hunk?

2. Here he is starting to do a backflip into a very rocky pool.

3. Fishing.  You can see the family resemblance: Gavin is a freshwater fishing champ.

4. A few years ago. 

5. Gavin's brother-in-law.

6. I'm not sure.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.6 : Kelvin sees Keefe's cock, and gets a big head. Sounds like a fun evening.

 Just putting the reviews back into their proper sequence.

Previous: Episode 1.5: Eli and Baby Billy fight over Aimee-Leigh. Plus water sports and donkey dicks.

Episode 1.5 is a  flashback to 1989, when Aimee-Leigh is pregnant with Kelvin.  She's over 40, so she calls him her "miracle baby." Episode 1.6 shows us that "miracle baby" as a grown-up gay man interacting with his boyfriend or soon-to-be boyfriend Keefe.

Title: "Now the sons of Eli were worthless men." From 1 Samuel 2:12.  Eli was a high priest during the era of the Judges. His two sons did not perform the sacrifices properly, and had illicit sexual relations, so the Lord punished Eli by killing them. Uh-oh, Jesse and Kelvin are doomed.

Keefe's Mushroom Head:  After their Friday night encounter with the blackmailers, Jesse has their van towed to Kelvin's garage, talks to Kelvin, then fetches Judy. Jesse is wearing the same clothes, but Kelvin has changed out of his Faith Factory t-shirt. 

As they are talking, Keefe comes out of the house, wearing only a shirt and socks, eating cheese.  "What's going on?" he asks.

Jesse: "Sickening!"; Judy: "Cool mushroom tip"; Kelvin: "That shirt's not as long as you think, Bud.  Just go back inside."  We see his dick peeking out from below his shirt, and then his butt as he turns around.

Structurally, this seems to be a joke on Keefe being drug-addled, combined with a view of his cock and butt that leads us to ask "are they or aren't they." But in- universe, it becomes much more significant. 

First, notice that just a few episodes ago, Kelvin was terrified by the sight of Keefe's testicle.  Now he is embarrassed but not alarmed.  He is used to seeing Keefe naked.

Second, why is Keefe wearing only a shirt and socks?  Was he in bed?  No -- when you get dressed, you put on your pants first. Getting ready for bed?  No, when you get undressed, you take off your shirt first. 

"Go suck your Satanic boyfriend Keefe."

A likely scenario: After the Club Sinister rescue, the guys drop Dot off, then go home and change clothes.  Some time later, Keefe decides to move forward with the relationship that Kelvin has been suggesting,  Since he rejected a bj offer earlier, it makes sense that he would want to start with a bj.  He takes his pants off, and his shoes have to come off, too.  Kelvin is so overcome by passion that he doesn't have time to take his clothes off -- he just drops to his knees.  

As they are getting busy, there's a knock on the door.  Keefe waits for Kelvin to return, gets bored, goes to the kitchen, gets some cheese.  Then he hears everyone talking and, assuming that his shirt is long enough to cover his dick, investigates.

It makes structural sense: Keefe looks for love in Episode 1.4, rejects the Satanists to follow Kelvin, and ends up in Kelvin's bed.  If Kelvin's "celibacy promise" was real, tonight he broke it, thus making his later despair more realistic.  And it would lead into the isolation tank rescue.

And it gives the siblings definitive proof that their brother and Keefe are boyfriends.  Notice that the gay implications immediately cease.

Saturday or Sunday: Rev. Seasons announces that his church is closing due to losing members to the Baby Billy's Locust Grove church.  We cut to Eli, Baby Billy/Tiffany, and BJ/Judy playing golf.  Wait -- shouldn't they be in church?  Or is this Sunday afternoon?

Personal note:  When I was growing up, our Nazarene church was across the street from a golf course.  The preacher ofter called down the wrath of God on those sinners who played golf on Sunday morning instead of worshipping Him.

Baby Billy gets BJ's name wrong, and then offers Judy a job singing with him. Since he was unsuccesful in drawing Aimee-Leigh from Eli, he's going to try it with Eli's daughter?

"This isn't normal":  Meanwhile, at Jesse and Amber's house,  Gideon comes down to breakfast with a black eye.  His parents are upset, but they don't make the connection to the car chase last night.  So it's Saturday morning?  Was the Rev. Season scene a flashback?

These timeline inconsistencies are annoying.  Let's just think about Keefe's cock again.  A nice view after the break. Warning: explicit.

"Craig of the Creek": The Silver Fist gets a sidekick, Secret Keeper gets a boyfriend, and there's a new Adam Devine dick

I thought Craig of the Creek was a cartoon about summer camp, with the usual Nickelodeon hetero-horny kidsand absence of same-sex desire. Then it was nominated for a GLAAD Award.

It's actually not summer camp, it's a creek near Craig's house in suburban Baltimore, where he has adventures with his friends Kelsey and JP, a girl and a boy. All three get girlfriends at one point, Kelsey in Season 4, which seems to be the season of the LGBTQ characters: we meet two other lesbians, JP's sister and Craig's cousin, plus a nonbinary adult.

Top photo: Ian Roberts, an out Australian rugby player, but not the same one who plays Kelsey's Dad.

The Creek kids are divided into various tribes: The Elders, Junior Forest Scouts, Horse Girls, 10 Speeds, Ninja Kids, Sewer Kids, and so on. There are dozens of characters, most not differentiated, but two are established as gay.  I'll review the two episodes featuring the Secret Keeper, who becomes the boyfriend of George, a snooty Tea-Timer.

Secret in a Bottle, Episode 2.26:  Craig doesn't want his friends to put their sharp, sap-covered sticks into his nice new purse, but they do it anyway.  He rushs to the lair of the Secret Keeper, who writes down people's secrets and hides them in bottles, so they don't have to agonize over them.

Craig's secret: Sometimes he finds his pals annoying. 

Left: Cole Escola, who plays Secret Keeper

In the morning, after a thunderstorm, Craig and his pals find some of the secret bottles -- the storm flooded Secret Keeper's lair!  He is disconsolate: "The kids of the Creek trusted me with their secrets, and I've failed them!"  But the trio gathers all of the bottles for him.

Except one, which Eliza, head of the snooty Tea-Timers, has found, and plans to sell.  

At Tea-Time, none of the kids know whose secret is inside, so they all bid, with possessions like a picture of a unicorn and a wheel. But Craig can't let his friends give up their possessions, so he blurts out his secret. The other kids follow, except for the member of the Horse Girls who doesn't like horses: Secret Keeper pretends to have that one. 

Left: Michael Croner, who voices JP/Silver Fist and George.

Queer Codes: George is in the scene, but he and Secret Keeper don't interact in any way.  I imagine that they hadn't decided to differentiate him as gay yet.  The only queer codes  I can see: the whole "secrets" scenario; and Secret Keeper appears to be wearing a dress.

More secrets after the break

Jonathan Chase and Skyler Gisondo: What's the gay connection?

 

I wanted to know if Skyler Gisondo was a gay ally or, growing up in Conservative Judaism, not so much, so I googled "Skyler Gisondo" and "nude."  Ok,  I do that every day.

Then "Skyler Gisondo" and "gay," and this search screen popped up:

Someone named Jonathan Chase about to kiss a guy, who doesn't look anything like Skyler Gisondo.

It's supposed to be on  his X, but I can't find it there. 

Skyler fills his social media with pictures of his male friends, but Jonathan Chase is not among them.  So what's their gay connection? 

According to the IMDB, Jonathan Chase grew up in Plantation, Florida, a suburb of Fort Lauderdale.  He has 64 acting credits, including Another Gay Movie, 2006, which explains the numerous nude photos.  It features four gay friends who are trying to "lose their virginity," that is, have anal sex.  Here Jonathan's character, Jarod, is losing his.

The surprised guy bursting in on them is Griff, played by Mitch Morris, who is also the one about to  be kissed in the "gay Skyler Gisondo" photo.

Here Jarod is topping him after they realize that they've been in love the whole time.  I cropped out the faces because Griff has his finger in his mouth, which I find disgusting.

More Jonathan and Skyler after the break

"The Out-Laws": Adam Devine has a crush on Pierce Brosnan. Don't you?

The Out-Laws has an embarrassing low Rotten Tomatoes score, but it stars Adam Devine, plus Reyn Doi, who played a gay kid on That 90's Show, as a “weird and interesting looking boy famous for ribbon dancing to weird music.” Maybe he'll be gay in this movie, too.

Scene 1: This is amazing: a diorama of a wedding reception featuring miniatures of every cartoon and sci-fi character you have ever heard of: Beavis and Butt-head, E.T.,  The Human Fly, Ren and Stimpy, Gumby, a Teletubby.  Owen (Adam Devine) explains to his fiancee Parker (a girl) that each character matches a real guest's personality.  His horrible parents are Skeletor and Medusa.  

She wants to know which figure he is.  "He-Man, of course."  To demonstrate the resemblance, he shakes his butt and frontside (no underwear for our boy!).

"This is the man I'm going to marry," she says with a resigned sigh.  I take that you didn't choose Owen for his goofball personality, girl?  It must have been the cock and balls bouncing around. 

"By the way, let's start the plot moving: my parents can come to the wedding after all."  He gets all excited; they smooch. It's a heterosexual rom-com.  Get used to it.

Scene 2:  Owen 's parents, Skeletor and Medusa, criticize his fiancee ("She is not a stripper!  She owns a very successful yoga studio!"), his choice of wedding venue, and finally him ("You're becoming weird, Owen!).

Cut to work. He is the youngest manager in the history of Sunshine Bank!   After polishing his photo and booping its nose, he faces his work buds.  They complain that he never dated anyone before, and now suddenly he's engaged.  What's wrong with her?  Why does one of the most handsome men on Earth play so many guys who can't get laid?  You can only stretch willing suspension of disbelief so far.

First crisis: Gary has locked himself in the vault again, even though there's an emergency exit lever right there. 

Security guard buddy Tyree (Lil Rel Howery) tells  Owen that the manager of the competing bank called him a "dickless troll" "I tried not to laugh, but it was fucking hysterical, imagining you without a dick."  Now try imagining him with a dick.

Scene 3:  Dinner at a hibachi restaurant with Owen, his parents, his cousin, his grandmother, a teenage girl, and a little boy.  They grill Fiancee Parker on being a stripper.  "I'm a yoga instructor!" she protests.  Cousin RJ (Blake Anderson from Workaholics) has become an EMT; he wants to give Owen a ride in his ambulance and flatline him so he can visit their grandpa, who died of...well, figure it out for yourself.  It's dirty.

Owen needs some pictures of Parker's parents for his next creative project, but she doesn't have any, so he calls the owner of their storage facility to ask to be admitted to the McDermott locker.  There are two pictures of shirtless guys on the bulletin board behind him.  The storage guy is gay!  

The storage guy calls a Scary Rich Lady to notify her that someone asked about the locker.   She takes Owen's name, then deals with the issue of a guy selling her fake diamonds -- by shooting him! Uh-oh, Owen is in over his head. 

Later, while getting ready for bed (no beefcake), Owen and Fiancee Parker discuss the logistics of her parents' visit: they'll arrive the night before the wedding, and so on. Owen puts in his retainer, but then realizes that his girl wants to smooch and spits it out.  She definitely was attracted by his genitals, not by his goofiness.  Their foreplay consist of her fondling his earlobes or something.

Scene 4:  Owen comes into the house with groceries, talking to Parker on his phone: "I got that tofu you like." "Yeah, I like my tofu like I like my men: real hard."  Me too, girl.   She continues that "Tonight I'm going to twist you up like one of those Go-Gurts and slurp you dry."  Ok, I like to imagine Adam getting oral sex as much as the next guy, but that sounds painful.  

He begins singing about how tonight they're finally going to bone.  Wait -- they sleep in the same bed. Why wouldn't they have....? 

 Her parents are in the house, watching!  Surprise -- they're 1980s mega-stars Pierce Brosnan (Billy) and Ellen Barkin (Lily).  Who didn't have a crush on Brosnan's lovable rogue on Remington Steele?

After decking him in self-defense and informing him that they aren't burglars, Mom Lily wants a hug, and Dad Billy kisses him - right on the mouth!  "You kiss just like Parker!"  Owen exclaims, not entirely displeasd.

Parker comes in.  The parents act batshit crazy, threatening Owen and then backing off with "I'm joking." Wait -- is Parker doing a long con, pretending to be in love with Owen so her confederates can rob his bank?

Scene 5:  Wine, weird art-project presents, and their meet-cute story: Owen enrolled in Parker's yoga class, and passed out in the child-position, butt in the air.  She thought he was dead. "So you asked her out?"  "No, I stayed in the class for a year and a half, then she asked me out."  That's a very long con.  Parker must be unaware of her parents' career path.

Cut to Owen making breakfast the next morning.  Parker can't get anyone to cover her class, so  Owen has to entertain her parents.  

They discover that Owen doesn't like his butt grabbed: "It scares me."  So of course they all have to do it.  This will become important later.

Scene 6: Owen has some fun activities planned: a South American pottery exhibit, followed by the Holocaust Museum (it has a great food court). But they're up for skydiving, with Owen attached to Dad Billy's body: "I'm not going to pull the cord until you convince me that I should let you marry my daughter."  I'd be calling that wedding off the minute we hit the ground.  

Owen: "I love her!  I dog sit!  I tip 20%!  I'll never have sex with her! Pull the cord!" Billy: "That's my cock, you idiot!"  Geez, Owen, at least wait until you land.

Next up: a tattoo parlor, but Owen is too sensitive for more than one prick.

Next: a bar.  Owen gushes about how cool Dad Billy is.  Even his smell!  "You're so lucky you get to have sex with him," he tells Lily.  Maybe if you ask him nicely, he'll invite you to join in. 

Billy runs into the Scary Rich Lady, and assures her that Owen is an idiot.  He has no idea what's going on.  

Scene 7:  Next day?  Owen at work, praising Billy to high heaven. Just ask him out, Dude.  You won't be the first guy to dump a girl for her Dad.

Suddenly two robbers burst in, their faces covered, their voices disguised.  They force Owen to the bank vault.  Somehow they know about his vocal security bypass (he has to sing "She left me roses by the stairs.")  

Owen recognizes Billy's distinctive scent!  The robbers are his in-laws!  On the way out, they call Owen by name and toss him the ink-packet, blasting him with pink dye.  

Scene 8: While the police take statements, Owen remembers that he was bragging about being bank manager yesterday, and he told Lily the code!  Uh-oh, they will think he's in on the robbery.  Then Parker arrives -- with her parents.  

They tag along while Owen is interviewed by an FBI Agent.  Of course, he can't say anything with the two bank robbers right there. The Agent ask how they knew the access code.  Owen starts crying. 

Scene 9: On the way home, the Parent/Outlaws force Owen to sit between them.  He is terrified.  

At home, he showers, then calls his security guard bud Tyree for advice: "Don't do anything.  First, they'll kill you.  Second, you gave them the codes; you're the mastermind!"

Left: Pierce Brosnan's butt.

Next, he tries to tell his own parents, but they're clueless.  He suggests they do their speciality of asking highly invasive personal questions when they all have lunch. 

I'm out of room, so I'll stop there.

Beefcake: None.  But Owen talks about his penis a lot.  In case you haven't seen it lately, here's a close up.

Heterosexism: Owen and Parker smooch 30,000 times.  What do you expect in a rom-com caper?

Gay Characters: Maybe the Storage Guy.

 Reyn Doi appears in one scene, as the entertainment at the Scary Rich Lady's house.  Scary Lady explains that he is "like the Kanye of the former Soviet Bloc."  Not enough screen time to determine if the character is gay. 

Gay Subtext:   Big time, although the scene in the top photo is from another movie. Owen has quite a crush on Billy, even kissing him.  Billy backs away in surprise, and Owen explains: "Well, you kissed me when we first met," "Yes, but I didn't use tongue."  I wouldn't be surprised if Adam was actually playing Owen as bi.

My Grade: Simplistic plot, but the one-liners and physical comedy made the movie much funnier than I expected from the reviews. Adam Devine appears to be made of rubber, and he will do anything for a laugh.  It's like watching an old-time silent movie comedian like Buster Keaton. The gay subtext was a plus, but points off for the lack of overt LGBTQ representation.  B+.

See also: Bumper in Berlin

Why Him?: Adam Devine hooks up with Griffin Gluck over discussions of jizz

Workaholics Episode 5.5: Penis jokes and buddy bonding at a gay pride party

"The Boys": The top 12 guys with penises in the Amazon Prime superhero spoof, with some butts thrown in

 

I really don't want to review an episode of The Boys.  First, I heard it was homophobic, with a swishy gay villain, two bisexuals turned straight, "bury your gays" violence, and gay sex portrayed not only as disgusting and vile, but downright dangerous.

Second, Amazon keeps pushing it as the most amazing, remarkable, incredible tv series of all time, or rather the greatest artistic achievement of all time.  Forget Shakespeare and the Sistine Chapel -- future generations will fill libraries with analyses of why The Boys is so wonderful.  I hate that absurdly over-zealous hyperbole.

But viewers on Reddit are expressing horror, disgust, and dismay over the rampant male nudity.  Which I can understand -- if you're aiming your program at an audience of homophobic men, you shouldn't be surprised if they don't like to look at penises. 

But I like to look at penises, so do you mind if I post 12 of them instead of summarizing an episode?

1. The Boys features a team of corrupt vigilante superheroes led by Billy Butcher, played by Karl Urban, top photo.  He blames Homelander, #3 below, for the death of his wife.  Hey, the guy was in Bent.  Isn't that about gay men sent to concentration camps during the Holocaust?  Weird project for someone who's homophobic.

2.  Hughie, played by Jack Quaid, here covers his penis in a room full of lady BDSM tops. He has a dead girlfriend, so their cliche motives are equal.

3.Antony Starr as Homelander, the leader of the Seven, an even more corrupt superhero group.  He's one of the two guys who got straightwashed for tv.

4. Jesse Usher as A-Train, a member of the Seven, shows his underwear bulge.  Hey, I was promised a plethora of penises.  Could the homophobes mean just a bulge?

5. Chace Crawford as the Deep, another member of the Seven, shows his butt with his octopus-sex partner coiled around him.

6. The next seven people in the cast list are women, and the eighth is a young boy. It takes a lot of scrolling down to get to Matthew Edison, who appears as mortal journalist Cameron Coleman for ten episodes in Season 3.  Here he is tied up naked, with his butt sort of visible.

Maybe it's the one-shot swishy villains and bury-your-gays expendables that show their dicks.  I'll check them after the break.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nude photos of Trench, Mr. Freeze, the Terminator, Conan the Barbarian, and an Austrian fitness model

Arnold needs no last name.  He almost single-handedly took bodybuilding out the realm of  Muscle Beach physical culturists and Italian sword-and-sandal movies and created the genre of Man-Mountains. His superlative physique and distinctive Austrian growl have been parodied innumerable times, on Saturday Night Live, on Seinfeld, on Tiny Toon Adventures).    It's hard to leave a room temporarily without being tempted to use his signature line from The Terminator, "I'll be back," or Terminator 2, "Come with me if you want to live."

Already a Mr. Universe and nearly a Mr. Olympia, the 21 year old Mr. Schwarzenegger moved to the United States in 1968 with his best friend Franco Columbu, to become an actor.  He posed for a lot of fitness magazines, including the gay-coded Tomorrow's Man.  In the 1970s he was the subject of more conventional semi-nude paintings by Jamie Wyeth.  

In the 1980s, photographs by Robert Mapplethorpe.

I had a friend in the 1980s whose bathroom featured what looked very much like a nude photo of Arnold, clipped from a fitness magazine.  It's not the black and white beach photo above, or the flexing photo that's available everywhere; this one was in color, and showed Arnold standing on a hillside.

Arnold's first starring role was in Hercules in New York (1969), which nobody saw.  His accent was so bad that his lines were dubbed.

He starred in Stay Hungry (1976), about a young man, drawn into the world of bodybuilding, and in The Jayne Mansfield Story (1980), asMansfield's muscular husband, Mickey Hargitay.

More Arnold after the break

Adam's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 4: A sex party, a phallic symbol doobie, two birthdays, and a tight butthole

 

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Adam Devine.  I've already posted almost all of his dick and butt shots available, but not to worry, there are some dicks and butts of other guys. 

1. "Oh no, the wind blew over the sign.  Now how will guys know where the Blow Buddies party is?"

2. "Sorry to crop you out of the photo, Chloe, but it's the only way I can get profile views on Grindr."

3. "My friends try to kill me on my birthday."

4. Well, let them go down on you once in a while.

5. "No, this is not a phallic symbol.  Sometimes a doobie is just a doobie."

6. Although sometimes doobies can lead to phalluses.

More Adam after the break