Gemstones Episode 2.1 Continued: Keefe's kiss, Kelvin's boner, and a thug with broken thumbs. With Jonah Hauer-King and a "proper erection" bonus

Previous: Episode 2.1: Junior likes dicks, Kelvin likes pecs, and f*k yeah, we got both!

In the last scene, Keefe is excluded from Sunday dinner with the family.  Now we see what he missed:

Judy and BJ accused of betraying the family because they got married at Disney World (by Prince Eric, the "hottest guy in the Disney catalog").

There's also a jab at Kelvin's muscle obsession. But it’s not just homoerotic desire.  Heterosexual desire is also incompatible with the family: when Jesse disses Judy for not having kids, she argues that she's trying to keep her body "foine" to incite BJ's desire.  Nope, they need to make babies. Well, how are they going to make babies if BJ isn't into Judy? Desire and family can't be polar opposites.

Left and below: Jonah Hauer-King, who played Prince Eric in the Litle Mermaid movie.

More Disruptions: We cut to Eli playing croquet, gazing at girl butts, and flirting with a lady.  Suddenly Junior, his friend from his wrestling days, appears amid sinister music!   Eli ignores him and drives away.  A homoerotic disruption of Eli's heterosexual dalliance, parallel to the God Squad disrupting the nuclear family procession earlier. 

Next, the Jesse-Amber plot, a new Christian-themed resort, Zion's Landing, proposed by their megachurch pastor chums, Lyle and Lindy Lissons.  Jesse doesn't have any money of his own, so he'll have to convince Eli to invest.  He's got a job at the church; he should get a salary.  Daddy Eli is super over-controlling, like his daddy was, and like Kelvin will be with his homoerotic Band of Brothers.

My Mans:  The family flies to Florida to inspect the site of the Lyssons' proposed resort.   When they return, Keefe and the God Squad meet them at their private airfield.  The family is shocked: didn't they know about the God Squad? 

"Uh-oh, my mans!" Kelvin exclaims, rushing forward to tell Keefe "You are looking great!"  In Southern Coastal grammar, "mans" is singular, "mens" plural.  He means Keefe.

Keefe tries to move in for a kiss, but Kelvin blocks him with an awkward hug.  He tries again, and Kelvin blocks him again. Finally he makes a blatant "enough!" gesture and backs off.  Judy finds this little dance hilarious.   It reflects the couple's conflict this season: Keefe wants to join the family as Kelvin's partner, the equivalent of BJ, sitting at the dinner table being criticized, while Kelvin isn't sure that same-sex romance is even possible.  His muscle cult is about desire: no love allowed. 

We cut to Eli in his office, watching a tv news show: Thaniel Block being interviewed about the "salacious scandal" story that took down Pastor Butterfield.  How famous was this guy?  I thought he was just the anonymous pastor of a satellite church.  They preach "sex only between married heterosexual partners, or you're going to hell," but privately they do everything under the sun.  Who will he target next?   Maybe Kelvin-- "Secretly gay youth minister holds wild sex orgies with his stable of muscle boys."  Ulp.   

Damn, we got old: Later, Eli is standing at the docks, worrying, when Junior approaches him and grabs him from behind, another homoerotic intrusion into his heteronormative life.  Junior complains that Eli forgot that he existed. 

Then: "We got old.  I look like a piece of shit, but damn!  You look sturdy!  Still got that mass going on!"  He grabs Eli's butt to check. Sort of presumptuous, dude, thinking that your ex will still be into you after fifty years. 

Eli thinks that Junior plans to blackmail him over revealing their days as loan enforcers (and lovers?), but he claims that he's just there for nostalgia, looking up an old friend.  "Why you all nervous, Eli?  Why are you bein' all weird?"  In this series, "weird" usually refers to sexual frustration.

Junior tries to hug him again, but Eli pushes him away.  On a scale of 1 to 100, how certain are you that these guys spent the psychedelic 1970s enjoying free love?  

As Eli walks away, Junior guilts him into a dinner invitation.

Sticky Stephens:  Nuclear families are  eating at Sticky Stephens, a parody of the Sticky Fingers Restaurant in Charleston that closed down in 2020.  Both sound dirty. The 1972 Rolling Stones album of that name  depicted a pair of jeans with an enormous bulge, leaving no question about why the fingers are sticky.

Junior points out a kissing couple: "Damn, look at that piece of tail he's with!" Ok, so he's bi.  Everybody watches as the man, Randall (Rene Rivera), lifts his girl onto the counter so they can have sex right in the restaurant!  Why doesn't someone on staff intervene? Eli yells at him to "tone down romance," and Randall yells "Suck my dick, Grandpa." But the couple leaves.

Over dinner, Junior reveals that he's now a wrestling promoter: "I got a stable full of fellas I keep working."  Tell me more, tell me more.  What do they do besides wrestling? Stripping?  Sex work?

"I wonder what my Daddy would think about you and me being reunited," Junior says.  Eli answers: "He put us together, so he would think he did a pretty good job."  Except they were separated for a lifetime.  That's not a great job of matchmaking.

Junior says that his Daddy just disappeared one day, setting up a major mystery of the Season: Did Eli murder Glendon Marsh?

Proper erections after the break.  Warning: explicit

Peter Kaasa: The hottest man in professional wrestling. With bonus nude wrestlers

The Greco-Roman wrestling of American high schools and colleges, the masked lucha libre of Latin American countries,  and performance-art professional wrestling have one thing in common:

Those blatant bulges in the wrestling singlets. 

Peter Kaasa has been wrestling -- and bulging  -- since high school. 

 

He was born in James Island, a suburb of Charleston, South Carolina, and received a degree in Exercise Science from the College of Charleston in 2008.  Along the way, he excelled not only in wrestling, but in gymnastics, surfing, and Brazilian jiu-gitsu. Finally he decided to train at the prestigious Funking Wrestling Academy in Ocala, Florida. 

In 2012, Peter began pro wrestling as a heel character, Peter Kaasanova (soon changed back to Kaasa).  Less than a year later, he won the TSW Heavyweight Championship.

His professional wrestling career lasted from 2012 to 2017, but during those years he was very busy, competing in WrestleForce, America's Most Liked Wrestling, Dragon Gate, and Evolve.  He drew a huge following, even becoming the subject of fan art and fiction.

 He was named the "The Hottest Man in Professional Wrestling" and "The Most Liked Man in Professional Wrestling"  

Several major injuries, including torn ligaments and a torn groin, forced Peter to retire in 2017, but he drew on his talents to move into an acting career.

More Peter and some penises after the break

Miles Burris: Bodybuilder/footballer/family man "will come upon you." Plus some random dicks

 

Former football player Miles Burris broke into acting with roles as football players in Starwood and Safety, and a lot of buffed guys: Rip Hardcore in The Really Loud House,  Triple H in Young Rock, Huge Guy #1 in Gym Rat and Mr. America in Federation.

He played Lucifer's dudebro brother Jophiel in a 3-episode story arc on Lucifer.

In Season 2 of The Righteous Gemstones, he plays, God Squad bodybuilder Titus, who begins the decline and fall of Kelvin's God Squad cult.  He'd rather exercise than listen to a Bible story. When he is sentenced to a week in the tiger cage as punishment, he exclaims: "Retribution will come upon you, and I'll do the coming."

Sounds ok, dude, but I prefer oral

Miles discusses how he prepared for the role: by watching a lot of youtube videos about Christian muscle groups.  "They would lift their brothers and rip phone books."

Miles' instagram features lots of humorous reels poking fun at the buffed-guy experience.  They tend to be entirely heterosexist, assuming that the only reason guys work out is to get girls, but some of them are funny.

Miles of Miles after the break

Dillon B: Beefcake and possible nude photos of an IT guy, crabber, model, part-time actor, and Slytherin

Dillon B. of Charleston, South Carolina has a day job "developing system integration solutions for cloud-based services, specializing in enterprise."  In his ten years of experience, he has written 95,000 lines of code for 34 websites in 7 programming languages.  Whoa.

And he goes crabbing with his shirt off.

Dillon played "Attractive Club-Goer" in Season 3 of The Righteous Gemstones, partying near Baby Billy and Dusty Daniels at the Y2K party in Monaco.  Plus he has been an extra three times, playing a cop, a member of the church choir, and a member of Peter's militia.

Dillon has two other (uncredited) acting roles listed on the IMDB, plus two upcoming. Is that enough show business experience to post some beefcake photos?  Just in case, I won't use his real last name. 

Selfie during crabbing.

This one is just cool.  From the Matador Club.  

Young Dillon with a bit of a belly shows us his beer can.

I don't see any model agency listings, but it looks like he's done some modeling: that's a gay porn stache.  He's got a wife and kids, so he probably hasn't appeared in any gay pornos.  But you never know.

More pornos after the break

Joel Rush: Beefcake and nude photos, including the glory hole scene

Joel Rush, playing Sky, was one of the most popular and sadistic members of the Season 2 God Squad.  He undermined Kelvin's authority, forced him and Keefe to move out of the master bedroom, and then subject Keefe to various tortures while he was confined in the tiger cage.  But some of the tortures provided beefcake pleasures for viewers.

When Keefe is imprisoned in the tiger cage after the cross-raising challenge, the God Squad uses a glory hole to sexually assault him.  Since it looks out onto the main quad, Keefe also uses it as an eye-hole.  When Sky shoves his dick through, hoping for a blow job, he accidentally stabs Keefe in the eye.  Or was it deliberate?

Photos from that scene after the jump.

Hank Strong: Bodybuilder, firefighter, gay leather daddy

 

Hank Strong (Henry Akinsaya) played Jericho, a member of Kelvin's God Squad in Righteous Gemstones Season 2. When they threaten to return Keefe to his tiger-cage prison, he defends himself by swatting Jericho's nipple.  (Actually a courageous act, since Jericho is nearly a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than Keefe).

The Brooklyn-born actor graduated from NYU and worked as a celebrity bodyguard before he was cast as the villain Lunkhead in an episode of Gotham (2018).   He moved on to a two-episode story arc as Big Dick Buster on Godfather of Harlem.  Tell me more about Big Dick...

Roles in The King of Staten Island, The Last O.G., and The Blacklist followed.  Plus Anna Nicole: The Opera. 

Where do you want Pete Davidson to put his tongue?

Hank's only gay role, that I can find, is in a 2018 episode of Hightown.

Nude photos after the break:

Brock Cock Part 2: Brock O'Hurn plays Torsten, Zeus, Hulk Hogan, and Super Hot Warrior Man, with that famous frontal

Here are ten more hot/hung Brock Cock photos.

Remember that in Righteous Gemstones Season 2, Kelvin's God Squad had to work out with wooden weights, for some reason?  Brock says that the guys worked out with them for real, to get swole before a shoot.

"I've never had so much fun making art."  Did they give him a car?

A wardrobe and bulge test for his role as the young Hulk Hogan in Young Rock.  How did they get him to look so small?

Reading in the sauna. 

Zeus, king of the Gods

More Brock after the break

BJ's Angels: A "Righteous Gemstones" Spin-Off

 

Announcer: And now another episode of BJ's Angels.

Intro (BJ narrates off-camera): Once there were three little muscle boys who went to work on another show called The Righteous Gemstones, two in Kelvin Gemstone's God Squad, and the other as Eli Gemstone's driver. (Sarcastic) And they were each assigned very sexy duties. (Shots of Liam falling from a human pyramid, Titus being lowered into a tiger cage, and Gideon driving in a car chase).

But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is BJ. 

Montage:  Joel Rush as Titus (winning a bodybuilding contest)

Peter Kaasa as Liam (in his underwear, pulling a gun from his crotch)

Skyler Gisondon as Gideon (in a suit, clicking wine glasses with an unidentified person)

Tony Cavalero as Mr. Keefe (trying to answer six telephones at once).

Guest star Adam DeVine as Kelvin (giving Keefe a bag lunch as he rushes out the door, like a 1960s sitcom housewife). 

And special guest star Tim Baltz as BJ (a mysterious hand on a computer keyboard)

Scene 1: The Angels in their dressing room. Gideon, fully clothed, is tying his tie, but Titus and Liam are still in their underwear.

Titus: Hey, this t-shirt is just extra-extra-large. Liam, I think you got mine by mistake.

Liam: (Checks.) Oh, right, this one is extra-extra-extra large. Sorry, Titus, I'll take it off. Of course, the only way I can do that is by taking off my jockey, too (Rips off his t-shirt, then lowers his jockey, displaying his bare butt.) That's one, by the way.

Gideon: (Glancing over) One what?

Liam: We're contractually obligated to display our butts twice per episode.

Scene 2: Keefe enters, wearing a suit, carrying a laptop.

Liam and Titus: Good morning, Mr. Keefe.

Gideon: Good morning, Uncle Keefe.

Keefe (to Gideon): Hey, don't tell anyone that we're related, or else the fans won't ship us, and we won't get a lot of play on fan boards. Those fan boards can make or break our characters! So just pretend that you're my very good friend.  What couple name do you like, Gideefe or Keefeon?

Gideon: That's gross! No way I'm going to queerbait with my Uncle Kelvin's boyfriend!

(Everyone gasps).

Keefe: You can't say the b- word on television!  The proper term is 'my Uncle Kelvin's...um..."

Titus: I'll queerbait with you, Mr. Keefe.

Keefe: You definitely will, in Episode 12, when we go undercover as the son of a famous televangelist and his boy toy. I'm the boy toy. Anyway, I have BJ on Zoom.

Scene 3: He opens the Zoom screen. A tropical setting. BJ lies on his stomach on a lounge chair. His face is not visible.

BJ: Good morning, Angels. Your assignment this week is to go undercover at a Speedo contest, to see who is...um, trying to sabotage...well, whatever, it's a Speedo contest.

Gideon: Didn't we go undercover at an underwear contest two weeks ago?

BJ: Do you know how hard it is to come up with scenarios that get you guys out of your clothes for extended periods? Lifeguard, surfing instructor, stripper, underwear tester, and that's about it.

Titus: What will you be doing while we're risking our lives and our virginity?

BJ: Oh, I'll be very busy...gathering intel....(two musclemen walk past)....taking measurements (a muscleman brings him a drink)...interrogating suspects under the covers...um, I mean undercover. (He ends the Zoom meeting.)

Liam: Wait, I thought BJ was straight. He's married to Judy.

Keefe: Of course he's straight.  He was just talking about detective work.  Everyone on this show is straight except me and my...um...  But there's no word in the English language to describe our sexual identity.  

Liam: Oh, please, you and Kelvin are..."

Keefe (cutting him off): NO WORD in the English language.

More words after the break